The Abandoned (2006) [REVIEW]

 

I feel like a traitor for writing this review, considering it’s July 4th and all. Confused? Well, this movie was written/directed by a Spaniard, and takes place in Russia, with no mention of how kick-ass America is. I kept thinking that Macho Man Randy Savage would elbow drop through the roof and kick everyone in the teeth and start yelling about Slim Jims, but I’m sure he had better things to do while this movie was being filmed. And I apologize in advance if I get distracted during this review, since the movie itself was pretty confusing, but I do remember there being ghosts, houses, and Russian people being terrifying.

 

That’s not how you hold a baby! You hold them by their necks or tails!

The movie opened with some girl driving a truck and pulling up to a Russian person’s house but that person is dead and there are twins inside. Fast forward to the future, where a woman is going to Russia because her mom, that she never knew, died and apparently left the family farm to her. She gets to the farm and we find her brother, who was the other baby in the opening scene. They start seeing undead/zombie versions of themselves at the farm, and keep trying to run away. They keep finding themselves back at the house, no matter what they do, and start seeing glimpses of the past. Turns out, their father killed the mother and attempted to kill his kids, and his ghost was the person who informed┬áthe twins of the house to try to reunite them. Then we find out that the original woman’s daughter is being contacted by a ghost, I guess, but refuses to ever go to Russia and be a ghost…or something.

 

Dead or undead, Russian people are fucking terrifying.

I wouldn’t go right ahead and say this movie was bad, because it had some pretty creepy/interesting ideas, it just didn’t need to be so goddamned confusing. This film would have really worked well as maybe a short story or short film, but it had too many slow parts without much explanation of what was happening. Obviously this film was more about tone and mood, which I think was established pretty well early on, but there was so much of it, I just kind of got bored and distracted. Had things been a little bit more concise, it could have been much more enjoyable. I spent a good hour waiting for information on what was happening, and it didn’t really justify the slow pace, and then everything dragged from there.

 

Wolfman Moon Scale


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5 responses to “The Abandoned (2006) [REVIEW]

  1. aw… only 1/4 moon? sure it’s confusing and convoluted, what about atmosphere and downright creepy shit? does that count for nothing? well, if you compared it to the other movies in that year’s ‘after dark horror fest’, it would probably get 2.5 moons. have you seen cerda’s ‘aftermath’? it’s a netflix instant watch. i’m not necessarily recommending it (since my lawyer advised me not to) but I’m just saying…

  2. Saying it’s a standout compared to the other “After Dark” movies is like saying it’s the standout Twilight novel. At the end of the day, it’s still Twilight (which I absolutely LOVED of course). And as for Aftermath, I remember watching it because it came on the same DVD as Genesis, and I vaguely remember watching it, but it was my girlfriend that had to remind me I had already seen it when I went to watch it again. Damn this memory of mine!

  3. What a terrible review. Nothing annoys me more than when someone doesn’t like a movie and consequently feels the need to spoil it. It is quite obvious that the dimwit who reviewed this film failed to understand it. This is not a “slow” film. It is a creepy, atmospheric story that makes the hair on your arms stand up. I”m glad I didn’t read this spoiler review before checking it out.

  4. I can’t say I did not like the movie but there are many mistakes and confusing parts. The movie is placed in Russia but it was filmed in Bulgaria and you can even see the Bulgarian flag in the begining even though it is supoust to be Russia.
    Maries and Nikolais ghost couldn’t speek but their fathers ghost could speek Russian and English even though he could not have known English before he died and he had “superpowers” like making them see things in the past etc. Also I don’t get how Nikolai figured it all out, based on what??? I

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