HOLY MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST ON A SHIT COCKSUCKER. Excuse me, I just had to get that out of my system. I was lucky enough to catch an advance screening of this movie (thanks Ralph!) and it was certainly a romantic evening. For those who can’t remember, I have already reviewed the original (review here), and I wasn’t too impressed by it. So what on Earth could the remake possibly do to make me care about the storyline this time around? They didn’t really, but they certainly made this film a lot more fucked up. I’m sure there are quite a few of you out there that will be seeing this film no matter what I have to say about it, and I’m sure there are people out there who will never ever see this film, however a word of warning for both groups of people…SPOILER FUCKING ALERT. If you don’t want to know everything about this film, stop reading now, but to everyone else, hold on to your butts (for fear of it getting raped).
Maybe, had you taken better care of your hair, you wouldn’t have gotten raped. MAYBE.
It’s a tale as old as time: girl meets boy, boys rape girl, girl escapes, girl exacts revenge on her tormentors. I’m assuming you clicked the link for my review of the original, or are at least somewhat familiar with the storyline. Rather than repeat the whole storyline, I’ll just point out the differences. In the original, the girl was raped while sunbathing, then escapes, then is found and raped in the woods, then escapes, then makes it back home, only to get raped again and left for dead. She pulls herself together and uses her sexual prowess to corner the victims and kills them in a few different ways. In the remake, she is assaulted, but not actually raped, at her home, but escapes to the woods to find the town sheriff. He takes her to her cabin to get all the details, and then the men who assaulted her show up, and everyone, including the sheriff, gets in on the rapings. She runs into the woods, only to find the men again, and, get raped again. After this raping, she walks towards a bridge, and the sheriff pulls a gun on her, but before he can kill her, she jumps into the river and is presumed dead.
Oh, she’s just going to trim the hedges! That’s totally normal!
A month goes by and no one has seen or heard from the woman, yet the mentally disabled rapist never leaves the swamp where her body should have shown up, haunted by his guilt. In addition to this, another one of the rapists has the videotape that documented his crimes stolen from his home, and another rapist is taunted in the middle of the night with the flip-flops she left behind. This is about the time in the movie when, cue Hatebreed music, VENGEANCE IS BORN! LET THE BLOOD SPILL! Anyways, get comfortable, because you are about to get all the details of the discomfort of all rapists involved.
Nice friendly game of bathtub slam ball!
The disabled rapist is the one who sees her first, and she punishes him by putting a noose around his neck and choking him (presumably) to death. Another rapist is placed horizontally over a bathtub full of water and lye, relying on his own strength to keep him from sinking in. Sadly, he doesn’t hold out long, and his head ends up a melted disfigured foaming slimeball. The fat rapist, who was the gay guy in Mean Girls (?), has his leg caught in a bear trap. He gets tied to a tree and has fishhooks used to keep his eyes open. Fish guts are shoved in his mouth and eyeballs, and birds come and peck his eyeballs out. The main rapist guy is tied up naked with some horse thing shoved in his mouth that breaks all of his teeth. His remaining teeth are pulled out by pliers, and then his dick is cut off with hedge shears, AND HIS OWN DICK IS SHOVED INTO HIS MOUTH. The sheriff gets captured and tied up, and has a shotgun shoved up his ass. She thrusts it up his butt over and over, and then reveals the final step in her plan: the gun is lined up to not only go up his butt, but to also face the mentally disabled rapist who is passed out in a chair in front of the sheriff, with a piece of twine connecting the trigger to the wrist of the passed out rapist. Wanna guess what happens? Yup, he wakes up, tries to help the sheriff, and the shotgun shoots out the face of the sheriff and into the torso of the disabled rapist, all while she sits outside, lightly smirking, and then the credits roll.
Things do not end well…for this man…
Sorry for all the grizzly details guys, but I didn’t want to leave anything out. Did this film need to be made? OF COURSE NOT. Did they adequately raise the stakes? I would say so. The original was about a woman being physically overpowered and using her sexuality and wit to exact her revenge on her assailants. In this film, not only was she physically overpowered, but was also forced to dance around, pretend to be a horse, and imitate oral sex on liquor bottles and gun barrels. Not to say that she wasn’t being physically overpowered, but this film also humiliated and dehumanized this woman. She had to live in a shack for a month rebuilding her physical self as well as devise a strategy for revenge. She admitted to eating rats and fish to stay alive. I think that’s why it made sense for her to choose such incredibly extreme punishments for these individuals. In the 70’s, it seemed as though a huge fear was just that of being physically overpowered, and just being a woman in that time period meant you were vulnerable to these things happening. I felt that now, in 2010, the scariest thing is not just physical vulnerability, but also the mental anguish that can never totally be healed. Granted, this was still a rape/revenge film, so it’s not going to be making people question their way of life, but these types of films seem to be more about the experience of watching them, rather than the underlying message you took home. The message I took home from this movie? Don’t rape people.
Wolfman Moon Scale