Hatchet II (2010) [REVIEW]

 

I desperately want to like Adam Green and everything he does. He obviously likes horror films, which is why he makes them, he is from Massachusetts, and he also loves to put Newbury Comics in his films. Even though I’m mad at Newbury Comics for leaving Amherst, MA to go to Northampton, MA, they’re still a place a go to every time I go home, but that’s besides the point. The first Hatchet was entertaining, with lots of gore and lots of humor. It was a nice little homage to old slasher films with a simple plot, and let’s not forget, lots of blood. Frozen wasn’t too bad, and was different from Hatchet, but still entertaining enough. I had heard mixed reviews about this film, but come on, Danielle Harris AND Tony Todd?! How could it be that bad?!

 

Would have been scarier had she been wearing her clown outfit from the Halloween movies. Did I say scarier? I meant sexier.

The first few minutes of this film kind of recap the end of the first film. Danielle Harris narrowly escapes Victor Crowley, some sort of retarded inbred monster man, and seeks answers from a voodoo witch doctor guy, played by Tony Todd. I think the next 45 minutes or so explains something about the plot or the characters of backstory? Maybe? I was doing the dishes at this point because it was pretty boring. When the violence started happening it was pretty entertaining. Of note, Victor repeatedly bashed in the face of one of his victims with the blunt top edge of a hatchet, and it took him probably 1,000 smashes, and got so fucking gnarly…it was pretty awesome. Another guy got killed with a motorboat propeller to the face, and another guy got killed while doing a lady, and then Victor chopped a hatchet into her cooter. Whoa! Eventually Danielle Harris catches up to Victor, and smashes the shit out of his blood filled head with a hatchet, similarly to the end of Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter.

 

DAMN BRO, YOUR FACE SUCKS.

From everything I have been seeing online about this movie and its reviews, it’s probably better that I wasn’t paying attention for the first 45 minutes. Even though I was only kind of paying attention, it was pretty boring. In general, sequels have to up the stakes a little bit, and this movie seemed to be more of just a rehash of the first film. It’s almost an hour before the murdering happens, and during that hour you still don’t care about any of the characters enough to be concerned by their deaths. In theory, we already know the story of Victor Crowley, so the action could have started a little sooner and it could have been blood and gore start to finish, but since this movie clearly had a bigger budget and was intended to reach a wider audience, things moved a little too slowly. If you’re a big Adam Green fan, or a Danielle Harris fan, it might be worth checking out, but even if you liked the original, you won’t be missing much by skipping this one.

 

Wolfman Moon Scale


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2 responses to “Hatchet II (2010) [REVIEW]

  1. i just finished this. it was pretty decent. since you were getting your hands wrinkly in dishwater, you may have missed some nods to other horror movies (F13, Halloween, Behind the Mask, TCSM, The Thing, maybe Scream and probably others). that’s fun. i like that shit. that’s probably why i liked Slither and you called it “the worst thing since nazis”. (I’m paraphrasing.)

    • I suppose that in retrospect, had I paid more attention to the movie, I could have enjoyed the movie more. I think that goes along with what I was saying about Piranha, that when you go see a movie in theaters and are forced to pay attention to it, you might judge it a little bit differently than when you have exciting distractions like washing dishes.

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