Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992) [REVIEW]

 

I can relate to the title of this film, because I feel that trying to get through the rest of this franchise will be hell on Earth. The Cenobite known as “Pinhead” is for some reason trapped in a pillar. Some asshole buys the pillar and keeps it in the bedroom in the club that he owns, which doesn’t seem too restful. After doing it with some chick, the pillar kills her with chains and sucks her in, resulting in her face being carved onto the pillar. Pinhead starts talking to the asshole and telling him to bring more sacrifices so he can escape from the pillar. And guess what? He does! He ends up coming to life and killing a bunch of people in the club before wreaking havoc on the patrons of the nightclub, and also creates new Cenobites. They end up walking down the street and trying to kill people or something? I don’t really remember what happens, other than one guy gets killed by a bunch of CDs smashing him in the head, and the old timey Rubik’s Cube gets tossed into cement, destroying it forever. BUT….we see that a building that was erected on top of that cement has artwork similar to that of the fucking box thing! What could this possibly mean?! Another shitty movie!

 

Totally forgot that this part of the movie existed until Google image search showed it to me. I still barely remember what happened.

I generally pride myself on being able to give a relatively accurate synopsis of the movies I’ve seen, but I barely remember anything about this piece of shit. I don’t know if it’s because it wasn’t worth paying attention to, or maybe there just wasn’t anything memorable happening in it, but either way, details are foggy at best. I can’t give this movie too shitty of a rating, because I am now remembering there was a point where I said to myself, “Oh man! I totally want to remember to include that part in my review!” But obviously, I am now forgetting what that was, but I trust that I thought it was pretty funny.

 

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Sucker Punch (2011)

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HAHAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING! Why the fuck on Earth would I ever see such a stupid piece of shit movie? Here, I’ll post some pictures in this thread so you can get the Sucker Punch experience at home.

 

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) [REVIEW]

 

I am not fucking looking forward to all this Hellraiser bullshit for the next month, but I guess I brought this on myself. The chick from the first one is now in a mental institution because she really had to deal with some serious shit. While there, some crazy spooky dream stuff happens, and she thinks that her dad is in hell. Her boyfriend goes to investigate a creepy doctor from the institution and finds that he is obsessed with the Rubik’s Cube from Hell, and has the mattress that the bitch from the first movie died on. After sacrificing someone on the mattress, the Hellbitch comes back to life, looking for more sacrifices. Some bullshit happens and the Cenobites come back and turn the shithead doctor into a Cenobite. He kills the other Cenobites to try to be all badass, but he looks dumb. Whatever. The bad guys die, the good guys win, and everyone goes about their business. The movie ends with some scene alluding to the story not being over, and guess what, IT’S NOT! HAHAHA!

 

Basically only posting this picture so I can use the term “blood boobs”. Check out this bitch’s blood boobs.

Most people mention this being one of their favorite Hellraiser movies, which I guess I just don’t get. Maybe I went into this one expecting it to not be that good, and seeing that it wasn’t that good, am just confused. Maybe those other people are remembering something different, and were they to watch it again, would realize it isn’t that good. Who knows. It’s not that it’s necessarily bad, it’s really just more of the same from the first, just not quite as good. There’s one scene where the Hellbitch loses her skin and another character wears that skin to trick someone, which was kind of funny, but not quite enough to be worth watching. Again, the imagery was kind of cool, but they were already starting to stretch the story in this film, which doesn’t make you too hopeful for the six films that followed this one.

 

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What a fucking week!

Between going to C2E2 last weekend, going to see Ringworm on a Monday night, and getting to see the Tear It Up reunion, I am fucking beat. We also had a houseguest the past week, which resulted in not really watching too many movies to review, so thanks for putting up with me. I don’t know if it was that we were tired or out of our minds, but Rampaige and I were laughing our literal and figurative balls off last night while looking at some of the terms people have searched for the past week that have brought them to my site. Rampaige mentioned I should make it a weekly thing to highlight some of these terms, and I don’t know if I’ll make it weekly, but since I feel like posting SOMETHING, here are some of our favorite search terms:

  • fuck little boy
  • boy piss
  • dead baby
  • wolfman fucking
  • picture of giraffe saying wat
  • relax real axe
  • the tentacles strike
  • racist funny stoner pics
  • johnny depp when she was a child
  • fucking cat
  • horny guy rape woman movie
  • toys r us times employee outfit
  • boobs huge giant naked
  • monica bellucci blonde cocks
  • yuck brutal death
  • robot bitch
  • old ladys that are ded
  • i can see up your shorts
  • hollywood actresses sex with monster tongue
  • girl driving truck
  • ugly-ass mustache day
  • blowjob dork
  • powergirl giant hooters
  • who is the girl that shows her boobs in friday the 13th
  • guy’s dick
  • freddy boobs fire
  • fantastic boner
  • ugly ass black girl
  • 1990 school dorks
  • chest hair party
  • yelling
  • ugly ass facees
  • anne frank anime
  • women poop
  • my dick exploded
  • ugly ass shitty face
  • whats the name of the movie where their mouths are sewed to each others buttholes
  • josh hartnett shouting

 

HAHAHAHA. Seriously, I’m laughing just looking at all of this crazy shit. But once again, I’m not sure if I’m laughing because of the crazy things people search for, or what I can imagine is their disappointment when they stumble across my website. What do you guys think? Is it funny to see what other people search for, or just kind of annoying to read that long list? Maybe if you like it, I can do it more often! Also, I’m going out of town this weekend, so I hope I can review lots of shit in the next few days!

Hellraiser (1987) [REVIEW]

 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKKKKKKK. I realize that just by typing the title of this post, I understand that I now must review EVERY film in the Hellraiser franchise. I bet Rampaige is fucking pissed. Wait, strike that, I KNOW that she’s pissed. She already told me. I saw this movie around two years ago, and gave it a whole-hearted “meh”. Granted, I also wasn’t working all that much at the time, and spent a good portion of my day watching movies in my bed, on my laptop, while also looking at the internet. I guess in retrospect, I really wasn’t paying close attention to what the fuck was going on. And to be completely honest, this review might show you that I still don’t quite remember what the fuck was going on, but at least there are a few more details I could recall.

 

I still don’t quite understand why this guy has all those pins on his face.

This dude and his wife and some dumb fuck daughter move into a house or something, only for the wife to realize that her husband’s brother, whom she used to fuck on the reg, died there or something. While moving, the husband cuts his hand open which soaks into the floor boards, causing the brother to start coming back to life. Apparently the brother was fucking around with this old timey Rubik’s Cube and accidentally got taken to hell by demons. The demons are called Cenobites, which make me think they’re a movie theater treat. The wife discovers the brother being reanimated and he tells her that he needs more sacrifices so he can suck their souls or something and get more flesh on his bones. The wife starts luring men in, and the brother comes more and more back to life. The daughter starts picking up on what’s going on, and finds the old cube, which summons the Cenobites. This is when we meet “Pinhead“, along with a couple of other freaks. She lets them know that the other dude has escaped hell, and leads the Cenobites to him in exchange for her life. They get there, and exchange her life for his, and take that other bitch too, and everyone’s superfucked. Oh, except the daughter. And her dad is dead.

 

YOU’RE TOTALLY RUINING THAT SUIT, DUDE.

I think there’s a few details I left out about the cube, but that is pretty much it. Definitely liked this movie a lot more this time, while paying attention, than I did last time. The biggest compliment to this movie is definitely its visual style and the special effects. This movie was right on the cusp of computers replacing everything, along with claymation (ugh) taking over, but it is on the good side of that cusp. Meaning, there were lots of really cool practical effects, such as a skeleton coming to life and rising from a pool of mushy blood and guts. Also the visual style of the Cenobites was really neat and reminded me of the inventiveness of Guillermo del Toro, but this movie being made in the 80′s. Even if the story doesn’t do much for you, everything going on with the visuals were pretty cool.

 

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Paul (2011) [REVIEW]

 

It’s not often that I jump ahead of my review queue, but for Paul, I’m making that exception. Why? Well, it was just released here in the states last weekend, which means you have more time to actually go out and see it. Were I to be reviewing the top of the list, you’d be reading about Hellraiser right now, which sure as shit isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. I’m surprised how few people know what this movie is. Maybe it’s because I am what some people might call a “nerd”, but I’ve been waiting for this movie to come out for months now, and I’m pretty sure I had to explain what it was to at least three or four people. I mean, come on! What’s not to like?! British people, aliens, and, well, do you really need a third reason?!

 

I know they are famous actors and everything, but I was still fucking jealous to see that they got to go to SDCC.

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost play Graeme and Clive, respectively, two aspiring sci-fi writers who are exploring America, starting with the San Diego Comic Con. Being their first visit to America, they can’t think of a better way to explore the country than by visiting all of the major U.F.O. hotspots they can find. While exploring one, they see a car crash in front of them, and upon further investigation, it turns out to be an alien, who goes by the name Paul, voiced by Seth Rogen. That’s where the movie gets its name from! After the initial shock of interacting with an alien, the duo decide to help Paul get back to where his spaceship is supposed to pick him up. Along the way, they pick up a super-religious, recently reformed woman, played by Kristen Wiig, while being chased by federal agents, played by Jason Bateman, Bill Hader, and Joe Lo Truglio, only to reach a big climactic final scene with a pretty funny cameo by someone who has their fair share of sci-fi credentials. I won’t spoil that reference, because it’s pretty funny, and everything ends up with a relatively happy ending. Hoo-ray!

 

I’ve been to Roswell, NM, and ya know what? It fucking sucks. I ate a shitty burger at the “Cover-Up Cafe” and everyone tried to take my money for dusty old alien statues. There was one really fat guy who looked like he hadn’t stepped outside in years and became glued to his rolling chair, though.

I laughed quite a few times during this movie and certainly enjoyed the film, but my immediate reaction to it was a little let down. I had high hopes for the movie and had been looking forward to it for quite some time, but I had felt like there were one too many “dumb” jokes, that weren’t all that creative. I had assumed this had something to do with the Americanization of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, until I realized they were the ones who had written it. Upon further reflection, I realized I had felt the same exact way I felt after seeing Paul as I had after seeing Hot Fuzz. I knew that these movies were funny, but there was something odd about them. I can realize now that the reason I had that feeling after Hot Fuzz was because it was actually a pretty decent movie. Even without the humor, it was a genre film that did a great job recreating that genre, and it is the same with Paul. Considering it was a classic road trip/buddy comedy, of course there are going to be some “dumb” or corny jokes, but considering how many other kinds of jokes there were, I shouldn’t focus on the negative, since this film was a wacky spin on an old formula.

 

I’m glad they didn’t try any of that bullshit from Independence Day where they wanted to surprise you with what the aliens looked like and make them look all different. Although, to be fair, they are usually referred to as little grey men, not little green ones. Assholes.

Considering how huge of nerds Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are, I expected a certain level of references to things I enjoy. Add to that the fact that the actors were nerds, portraying characters that were nerds, hanging out with an alien, and spending time at the biggest comic book convention in the world, well, yeah, I expected quite a few chuckles that maybe Rampaige would never understand. The references were minimal, at best, for over an hour, and I was starting to get worried. However, the closer to the end it got, the more references were made, and they were all made in organic ways, to the point that you didn’t really see them coming. Quotes from Star Wars and Aliens were slipped in there, and probably more that I just can’t recall. The best one, I would have to say, is that a scene in a bar that the gang stops at has a jug band playing up on stage, and the song they’re playing is the song that Figiran D’an and the Modal Nodes played in the cantina scene in Mos Eisley in Star Wars. Subtle, yet awesome. Kristen Wiig also ended up being more entertaining in this movie than I was expecting, so good for her!

 

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C2E2 Recap

 

What a weekend! Big difference between this year and last year? This year I wasn’t alone! Whoa! Friday I brought a friend from work who is just getting back into comics and Saturday and Sunday was joined by my brother, who has the disadvantage of not having a comic book store near him. This provided a great opportunity for him to not only buy a bunch, but to also be really confused during panels and have no idea what was being talked about. I don’t really remember how I discussed C2E2 last year, and I know I could click my previous posts and find out, but instead of doing that, I’ll just talk about what happened, and randomly toss in some pictures.

 

I saw a woman walking by holding Tom Servo and I asked for a picture of him. I was honored to have her ask if I wanted a picture of me HOLDING Tom Servo, and sure enough, here he is. He touched my dick.

I got there on Friday pretty much as soon as it was open to the public. It was in the same convention center this year, but was in a smaller part. The drawback to this was that there wasn’t quite as much room to walk around as there was last year. This might have been due to the fact that this year was also a lot more popular, but either way, it was more difficult to navigate. The biggest things I made sure to locate were where Marvel was, where DC was, and where Dark Horse was. I also made sure to find the comic shops I visit, so that when I got bored, I could stop by and shoot the shit and see if I was missing anything.

 

I figured that I harassed Agent M, a.k.a. Ryan Penagos, of Marvel through Twitter, that the least I could do was say hi to him. We decided to let the palms of our hands do that talking, and the conversation sounded something like “SLAP”.

Another difference between this year and last year was that there weren’t quite as many panels this year that I was looking forward to, as well as not as many entertainment guests. The part about the guests isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but there were less times where I would go over just to see what a person looked like standing in front of me as opposed to on TV or in movies. The first panel wasn’t until later in the afternoon and was about Green Lantern. It was kind of, well, not too exciting. Not sure if this is because I’m not as familiar with their continuity, their panel not being too exciting, or the fans being disinterested, but we only stayed about 20 minutes. We then went to the Nerd City panel, mostly because I knew they’d be drunk. I wasn’t sure what was talked about, but there was yelling and cursing, and, yes, they were drunk. After that I went to an X-Men panel, and once again, being a few months behind in their story was a little confusing, so I called it a night and headed back home.

 

Being the big brother that he is, after I said, “I WANT THE SHIELD”, he made sure to grab it, and not let me have it. Fun fact: This picture was taken by Marvel editor Tom Brennan. It made me feel like Steve Wacker to boss Brennan around, despite not making him cry.

What I was most excited for on Saturday was the chance to meet Danny McBride, who had only been announced a few days prior and was only supposed to sign for an hour. We stopped by the booth he was signing at, Dark Horse, an hour ahead of time to ask when the line was starting. Turns out you needed to pick up some secret ticket, which resulted in not meeting him, and having to settle for seeing him sit there signing stuff. The next thing on our agenda was to watch a real Quidditch match, and by real, I mean people throwing dodgeballs through hoops while running with brooms between their legs. Then it was time for the Avengers panel, which had Brian Michael Bendis, C.B. Cebulski, and Matt Fraction. Highly entertaining and relatively informative, but mostly entertaining. Then it was time for the Ghost Hunters panel, so it was another opportunity to see Steve Gonsalves answer questions, this time with Dustin Pari. After 20 minutes of hearing all the same questions asked as last year we decided to get in line for the Cup O’ Joe panel, and it was a good thing we did. Probably the most packed panel, but luckily we were there early to get good seats. This panel was Joe Quesada, C.B. Cebulski, Jeph Loeb, Brian Michael Bendis, and Matt Fraction. It was awesome to just see these guys shoot the shit with their fans, no matter how genuine or cringe-worthy the questions were.

 

I attempted to compliment Ben Templesmith by claiming that even after wearing a suit for multiple days, getting it all shitty and disgusting, would be nicer than my clothes. The results of complimenting his wardrobe ended up sounding something like: “Can I have your used, shitty, soiled clothing?”. He still allowed me to take a picture with him and Molly McIsaac.

It was announced on Twitter that there was a surprise Garth Ennis signing on Sunday, so we made sure to get there really early, since we had missed out on Danny McBride the day before. I was going to have him sign the first issue of The Boys, but luckily my brother was in search of something, and we were both able to get single issues of Preacher for him to sign, and we were on our way five minutes after the signing had started. We mostly meandered around the show floor for another hour or so, just double checking to see if there was anything we missed. Rampaige was coming to meet us to take our passes, since she wanted to try to meet Steve Gonsalves. Once we left, I got text messages from her about him being there, walking by, her crying, and then she stopped responding. However, she did tweet about meeting him, just didn’t have enough time to talk to me, other than to get picked up.

 

Believe it or not, Rampaige started the conversation by saying, “My boyfriend got your autograph for me last year…” Rookie mistake, Rampaige, rookie mistake.

Despite not getting to see Patton Oswalt do standup, and not meeting Danny McBride, I’d say it was another successful year. My favorite part about any convention is just seeing so many people who are so incredibly passionate about anything, no matter what it is. Obviously with comic books, you’re going to get a lot of people interested in “nerd culture”, but with an event like this, there are just so many different aspects. From comic books to videogames to Dr. Who to anime to paranormal investigation. It reminds you that no matter how weird or dorky you are for liking those things, there are tons of other people out there who like all of that stuff, and might even be dorkier than you, which ends up making everyone feel a little bit more comfortable with how you’ve decided to spend so much of your time and money. Enough of the touchy feely stuff though, as I’ve got some movie to get back to watching, but as a friendly reminder, if anyone ever wants to talk about comics at any time of day on any day of the week, make sure you get in touch.

 

The closest I got to getting a picture with Matt Fraction, far right, was getting a picture of him in a panel with C. B. Cebulski, Jeph Loeb, and Brian Michael Bendis. Not much of an accomplishment? Well, he also happened to be the only one in the photo not tweeting. But his tweets all weekend were hilarious anyways.

It’s been a few days…

And don’t expect a review for another few! Why? Because fuck you, that’s why! Hahahaha! No, I’m kidding. I have a few movies in my review queue, that I’ll of course get to, but this weekend is C2E2! And you know what that means, don’t you? Well, maybe you don’t considering this is only the second time this has happened. What it means is that I’ll be at the Chicago Comics and Entertainment Expo, bumping elbows with some of the most important people in, well, things! Chris Hemsworth, a.k.a. Thor! Eliza Dushku, a.k.a. hottie from Massachusetts! Not to mention Steve Gonsalves and Dustin Pari from Ghost Hunters! Even Danny McBride will be making an appearance, in addition to all the awesome comic book people hanging out. Even though there aren’t quite as many panels that I’m going to be attending as there were last year, I still think it will be a good time. Can’t deal without my reviews for the next few days? Feel free to check my Twitter feed on the right side of this page, or just follow me for even more direct access to my Tweeting insanity. Excelsior!

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Rubber (2010) [REVIEW]

 

Before knowing that this movie was a movie, I knew it was a poster. Wait, did that make any sense? What I mean is that I saw the poster for this film, before even knowing it was a movie, as it was being sold by Mondotees.com at the same time as a print of There Will Be Blood that I really wanted. I had figured it was some weirdo old sci-fi horror B-movie, and really didn’t think much of it. But then….I heard the plot. WHAT THE FUCK?! I had to find a way to see it, and, well, I did! Anyone who I tell that I have seen this movie, I always preface by saying, “Okay, keep in mind that the title is NOT what you think it means…”, because it sounds like condoms. I then saw that for the trailer on YouTube, someone left a comment that got a shitload of thumbs up from other users. What was that comment? The comment said “condom.”. That’s it. Just the word “condom”, and lots of other people thought that was hilarious. Fuck I hate people.

 

Quite the intense standoff.

The film opens with a cop car driving on a dirt road covered in chairs, taking the time to meticulously knock each and every chair over. A character gets out of the car, and starts a monologue into the camera. He goes on to say how peculiar movies are, and about how strange it is for main characters to fall in love, how people don’t often go to the bathroom, just an overall observation that movies aren’t real life. They are weird exaggerations of real life, but that real life in it of itself is weird as well, so it can be assumed that movies just choose different elements of peculiarity. This is when we meet the protagonist of the film, Robert, who’s a tire. Yup, a fucking rubber tire, hence the name of the movie! But not just your regular ordinary tire, well, he actually kind of is an ordinary tire, except for the fact that he has apparently come to life.

 

Goddammit I wish there was a love scene in this movie. Although, then it probably would have been too similar to that movie Bound.

We see Robert encounter different objects, both living and inanimate, that he is able to destroy using telekinetic powers. Whether it be a glass bottle, a bird, a rabbit, or even a person’s head. He goes to a motel and starts blowing people’s heads up, and the police catch wind of this happening. They end up using a woman he has apparently become fond of as a decoy, in order to blow him up. Failing to blow him up, the sheriff confronts him and shoots him to pieces. After shooting him to pieces, we see a tricycle start rolling on its own, which rolls past more and more tires coming to life. The film ends as we see a large cavalry of tires, which we can assume are going to seek revenge on the town. Oh, and this whole movie keeps cutting back and forth between this plot, and a plot that involves spectators watching all of these events through binoculars, while also eating poisoned turkey, and one of the spectators, who happens to be in a wheelchair, trying to get involved in taking down Robert. What the fuck?

 

Poor, poor exploded headed lady.

I wonder if maybe there was a version of this film that existed that didn’t include the first five minutes about films being ridiculous for the sake of being ridiculous. Because, well, that’s what it was. Rampaige kept saying how she hated it because it was dumb and stupid and artsy and she “didn’t get it”, but because of that first five minutes, I really didn’t think there was much to “get”. Sure, if you were looking to be a little cocksucker and read into everything that happened in the movie as part of some bigger concept, you could, but I get the sense that you’d be wrong. It really seems as though the filmmakers sat down and said, “Wouldn’t it be funny to make a movie about a tire that has telekinetic powers and blows up people’s heads?”, and then it got made. Granted, I didn’t really think the movie should garner a subsequent viewing, but it killed time, and I’m now able to say I watched a movie about a tire that has telekinetic powers that blows people’s heads off.

 

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Yup, I’m Seeing That

Someone asked me somewhat recently what movie I was looking forward to seeing, and I couldn’t really answer. In my head I knew there were a bunch of answers, I just couldn’t really keep them straight. Partially as an answer to the person who asked me that, as well as to keep straight the movies I’m looking forward to seeing, here’s a nice reference list.



Paul – March 18th

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost play dorks on their way to San Diego Comic Con, and while driving through Nevada, find an alien, voiced by Seth Rogen, named Paul. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost have yet to make a bad movie, and even though it isn’t directed by Edgar Wright, it looks pretty decent. Not only do these two generally find ways to make nerdy references in their films, but considering they are supposed to be dorks, I’m sure there will be lots of hilarious references that I’ll laugh at and Rampaige won’t get.

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Your Highness – April 8th

James Franco and Danny McBride are brothers during the renaissance and they have to do something and Natalie Portman’s in it and you can see her butt, even though she’s pregnant. First time I saw the trailer, I wasn’t too impressed, until I remembered I had the same exact reaction the first time I saw the trailer for Pineapple Express. Considering it’s the same creative team behind that movie as behind this one, my hopes are high…..ness. Hey oh!

Official Site



Scream 4 – April 15th

I use the term “want to see” loosely with this one. I’ve seen all the other films in the series, in theaters no less, so why should this one be any different? I think it has something to do with the internet this time, maybe? Who cares. The main reason is because Veronica Mars, a.k.a. Kristen Bell is rumored to be involved in the traditional first scene of the movie where the character dies. Hey, at least I get to see her up on-screen for a few minutes and not have it be a movie like When In Rome, right? Yes, I did see When In Rome…in theaters…BUT I WAS GETTING PAID TO WATCH IT, SHUT UP.

Official Site



Thor – May 6th

It’s comic books, did you really think I wouldn’t see it? God of Thunder is cast out of Asgard and lands in Midgard, which is apparently what the movie refers to as “Earth”. Don’t really have too high of hopes for this movie, no matter how many times I’ve seen the trailers. Oh, Natalie Portman’s in this one too.

Official Site



X-Men: First Class – June 6th

Once again, it’s comics! We see the origins of Professor Xavier and Erik Lensherr, a.k.a. Magneto, working together for the United States during the Cold War. Not setting my hopes too high, but it’s gotta be better than Wolverine: Origins, doesn’t it?

Official Site



Super 8 – June 10th

Almost forgot that this movie existed, considering all I saw was a cryptic trailer last year. J.J. Abrams uses his familiar marketing style of trying to create as much mystery as to what this movie is about as possible, but everyone assumes it has to do with aliens. I thought Cloverfield was pretty decent, and that was about monsters, so I’m sure if this is about aliens it will be just as good. Even if it’s not about aliens it will still probably be good. Or at least better than any piece of shit movie I could make.

Official Site



Green Lantern – June 17th

Still undecided on how good this movie will be, but I generally enjoy Ryan Reynolds in everything he does. Even if that means he is a superhero that gains his power thanks to a ring and his own willpower. One of those superpowers? Being able to cover himself in a suit that looks like a reject from the wardrobe closet of The Cell.

Official Site



Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – July 15th

This will be only the second, and obviously last, Harry Potter film I see in theaters. I put off and put off and put off getting involved with any of these movies or books, but this past winter, when Rampaige and I had nothing better to do, watched all of the films within about a week and a half. I knew they were good, so there wasn’t much reason to put them off for so long, but now we get to go see the midnight premiere and pretend like we’ve been fans since day one.


Captain America: The First Avenger - July 22nd

Now THIS is what I’m fucking talking about! I would say this might be the ONE film I’m looking forward to most being released soon, which sucks, because obviously my hopes are high. Chris Evans is generally pretty awesome, to me at least, and I think he’ll make a good Cap. Maybe once a full length trailer is released I’ll have more definite ideas, since all we’ve seen so far is the thirty second teaser.

Official Site



Cowboys & Aliens - July 29th

It’s not so much Jon Favreau, and it’s not so much Daniel Craig, but it’s mostly the promise of seeing Harrison Ford with aliens. Granted, he probably won’t call any of them a fuzzball or anything, but still, it’s aliens…and cowboys. Oh, and Olivia Wilde is in it too, and this will be the first movie I’ve seen her in since I saw Tron: Legacy, so hopefully I can determine whether or not she has a giant forehead.

Official Site



Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark - August 12th

It’s produced by Guillermo del Toro, so you know there’s gonna be some weird-looking creatures in this horror movie. What it’s about? Well, who cares, something about a creepy old house. Also, Guy Pearce is in it, and he is typically pretty awesome.





I kept clicking “Next Week” on IMDb to find something I wanted to see, but the next film I saw that I was mildly interested in was Paranormal Activity 3, so I’m gonna call it quits there. I suppose this list would have been better were it a solid 10 films, but I wasn’t counting. Any films you guys think I’m missing? Feels kind of shitty that in the next six months there’s only 11 movies I am interested in seeing. I guess my Captain America excitement counts as more than one movie though.

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