Where are the goddamn comic books?!

January 6, 2012 Leave a Comment

I’m assuming that’s the inner monologue on most people visiting the site. I think it still says something about comic books in the banner at the top of the page, I’ve placed flyers in comic book stores, and those flyers even promised there’d be discussion of comics! AND ANGER! The question is, where are the goddamn comic books? Well, I’ll tell you, just give me a fucking second! Did you know that comic books cost money? They do. And if you’re like me, you like reading a lot of different titles. The problem with reading a bunch of titles is you have to spend a whole bunch of money and get really backed up. So backed up, in fact, that I am still buying issues that are promoting Green Lantern….THE MOVIE! I jumped ahead of my pull slot in order to review a bunch of DC’s New 52, making those some of the most current books I read. Back in October I was able to trim down quite a bit on titles I was pulling, but I’m still playing catch up. Luckily I got some gift certificates over the holidays and I was able to get so far as, wait for it, X-Men Schism! If you know about that event, you know it’s well over and done with, so that was an inside joke about how I’m still behind. I still have some more gift certificate money and look forward to being completely up to speed in a few weeks, so just deal with it.

 

Filed under Comics, Inane Bullshit

Nerds + Nerds – Nerds vs. Nerds = NERDS

October 20, 2011 Leave a Comment

I’ll admit that the subject of this post doesn’t really make any sense. After my time at the Music Box Massacre over the weekend, and seeing how many horror nerds are also comic book nerds, it reminded me of how many people I know love horror movies and enjoy comics. Strangely, I thought about the fact that I know people who like comic books but hate horror movies, which I thought was interesting. I put the question out on Twitter to see if there were any horror movie fans who hated comics, and there wasn’t really an overwhelming response. Instead, I questioned why I gave a shit about what different “nerds” like and came to the realization that there are a shitload of nerds who like a shitload of nerdy things. Also, I’d say that the term “nerd” is quite subjective and is going to mean a lot of different things to different people. For example, I’m sure lots of people think that loving Star Wars is something to be considered quite nerdy, until you think about the fact that it is one of the most successful film franchises of all-time. Can that be nerdy? What about comic books, which is an industry that has had peaks and valleys in popularity through the past few decades, and I’m willing to bet if you took a sample of people on the street, the majority would be those who haven’t read a comic book. Then again, this year alone there were FOUR big budget summer movies about comic book characters, add to all of the other TV shows, cartoons, and videogames that are prevalent in our society that center around comic book characters. I feel like maybe the term “nerd” doesn’t necessarily apply to the content of one’s obsession, but rather the fact that the obsession exists in the first place. I’m sure that athletes aren’t necessarily considered nerds, but it’s entirely possible for someone to be obsessed with collecting a team’s merchandise and knowing every statistic about them ever, which I would say makes them a football nerd or hockey nerd. I think I’m getting a little off-topic from what my original question was: why do so many horror nerds love comics?

This is such a stupid fucking question to waste my time thinking about it. I came to my own conclusions after some deep soul-searching and came to the realization that things that are considered “nerdy” are typically things whose popularity lies in subcultures, as opposed to the majority of any population. I’m sure that if you asked someone whether or not they have heard of things like comic books, Star Wars, Star Trek, dinosaurs, robots, toys, Dr. Who, or horror movies, 99% would say yes. However, the individuals who take these subjects to an “obsessive” level aren’t your average person. These people seem to adhere to the belief that the things they like are better than things that other people like, almost in a sense of misguided pride over what they enjoy. Not only does this sense of pride lead to disliking things that are more popular, like sports or action movies, but even amongst other subcultures. Think about the rivalry between Star Trek and Star Wars fans, always claiming one is better than the other. Who gives a shit? Different people like different things for different reasons, so if it isn’t hurting anyone, let everyone obsess over what makes them happy. This misguided sense of pride and accomplishment over finding something to obsess over also causes a sense of elitism towards someone who is new to the subject. The stereotype of “comic book guy” being intimidating to your average comic book store owner is a tangible example, because I’ve met that guy, and I hate that guy. Was everyone who likes something nerdy born knowing everything about that subject? No, you weren’t, because at some point you were the one new to that thing. Why can’t you just be excited that there is someone trying to learn about something you already know so much about, and share the wealth?

One last time, back to what my original question was. Why do horror nerds like comics so much, or at least tolerate them? Well, maybe it’s just because it’s one more nerdy thing to like. Not all of the pride felt over enjoying something that is mostly enjoyed by the minority is negative, because it sometimes results in wanting to share what you love with other people. I am a pretty boring person, and most of the conversations I engage in lead to either horror movies, comic books, Star Wars or sharks. I have shirts with those things on them, I talk about them online, and I have this shit all over our apartment (sorry Rampaige). I’m sure plenty of people listen to me and then try to forget what I was saying, but I also know for a fact that my talking about these things has caused people to actively seek out a comic or a movie and really enjoy these things. We are getting a lot better in our society for accepting people for their beliefs and lifestyles, and I feel it’s the same with nerds. There are movies (like Fanboys, which is awesome) and TV shows (like The Big Bang Theory, which is fucking horrible and one of the worst shows on television) about people who love and obsess over nerdy things, and these movies and shows are successful. Listen, if you love something, no matter how nerdy or how plain it might be, just support it, and support the people who support it, and support the people who don’t support it, and support the people who create it, so that there’s more of it. The more we ostracize others, no matter what their tastes, the more negative energy is being put into something that should be making you happy. Read comics. Watch horror movies. Play sports. Do whatever the fuck it is that makes you happy, and stop judging everyone else for liking things that are different from what you like, or talking shit on people who like things that you like, but they like them differently than you do.

Filed under Comics, Horror Film, Inane Bullshit, Non-Horror Film Tagged with , , , , , , , ,

Comic Books: Words or Pictures?

October 14, 2011 5 Comments

Yes, I know they are a combination of both words AND pictures, you fucking idiot. I understand that without the art, these would just be a collection of short stories, and without words, these would just be art books. The reason I had that question mark was in hopes of engaging in some sort of discussion over what’s more important to anyone who might be reading this. I think that no matter how much you enjoy the medium, and how much admiration you have for both the writer and artist, I think somewhere deep down inside all of us, there’s something that more typically draws us in to read a book. I don’t think I’m wrong to assume that what draws you over to even pick up a book is the cover, so I’m going to completely ignore the cover. Well come on! It’s not fair! Typically, the cover is intended to catch your attention and make a promise to you that what happens on the inside is just as exciting as what’s on the cover. Let’s think for a moment about what’s on the cover…that’s right, you get to see the name of the series, typically the main characters in some exciting pose, and the names of the writers and artists. You can’t really just say the cover is the one thing that causes you to buy a book because there’s tons of shit crammed on there. Also, to try to say that the art on the cover is what draws you in isn’t really fair because the cover artist isn’t always the same person who does the interior art. For me, it’s no contest that the first thing that draws me in is the character(s) involved, but after that, the writer is what draws me in. I’ve realized that as a read comic books, I can go from panel to panel without noticing every intricacy of the artwork the way some others might, and feel as though I am missing out on something. Not at all to discredit any artist, at ALL, but the story is what really drives things for me. There have been a few instances where the writers and artists collaborate, like Ed Brubaker and Alex Maleev on Daredevil or Joss Whedon and John Cassaday on Astonishing X-Men, and I can’t imagine those stories being told in a different way or illustrated in any other way. I feel like if I like a character enough, let’s take Daredevil as an example, I don’t necessarily have to read his books to be able to find artwork featuring him that I like, whereas I can’t really just hop onto Google and type in “cool Daredevil stories” and find something as entertaining as what Brubaker did. I feel like I’ve made my point when it comes to my thoughts on the matter, but am just going to put this out there in hopes of getting some comments that might offer up a different point of view.

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Trailer Review for The Avengers

October 12, 2011 3 Comments


Whoa boy! Iron Man 3 sure does look exciting! Wait, this isn’t Iron Man 3? Could have fooled me! The biggest thing that I was worried about, and I’m sure other people were worried about, is the amount of characters and shit going on that it would be all over the place, and it kind of looks like that’s true. It makes sense that Iron Man would be the one to intentionally assemble all of these characters, but with the amount of heavy-hitters on the team, I hope he doesn’t get all of the attention. For the ill-informed, this team will include Iron Man/Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), Captain America/Steve Rogers (Chris Evans), Thor/still Thor (Chris Hemsworth), the Hulk/Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo), Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson), and Hawkeye/Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner). Those last three people? Yeah, they don’t have any superpowers, which means I highly doubt they will play major roles in the movie, since a lot of people still probably don’t quite know why they’re on the team. If they go into everyone’s backstory, that will take up a good amount of the film, and once that’s done, you still have these huge characters trying to grab time in front of the camera, and even I’m getting overwhelmed thinking about it. If you remove all of the shots of characters just kind of looking at one another, you are really only left with a shitload of cars exploding. I guess it looks fun, but considering this was really just an excuse to show off all of these pretty people in funny costumes and remind you that this movie WILL be coming out in five months, I’m not too impressed. Even if the next trailer is shitty, I’ll be seeing this opening day, because I’m a sucker for this stuff. Oh yeah, and Scarlett Johansson will probably wear lots of leather. Cool!

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Reviews of DC’s new Batman and Birds of Prey

September 25, 2011 1 Comment

Batman

This title set the internet on fire when it was released this week, if by “internet” I am referring to “comic book websites”. A lot of people were claiming that this was the best title of not just the week, but of the entire DC relaunch. With that sort of expectation, it was kind of hard to judge this book on its own merits. I read it, I liked it. Do I need to say more? This story didn’t reinvent the wheel or anything, but it was definitely quite enjoyable. I feel like with all of these new DC books, I am just rating them based on “like” or “didn’t like” and haven’t been able to say which one I enjoyed the most. I liked seeing the detective aspect of Batman, and it made me feel like I was back playing Arkham Asylum, with all these gadgets the Batman has and almost a tutorial of how he could use them. I think this title will be going in a good direction, but then again, I also liked Batman & Robin, as well as Detective Comics, so it might be too early to pick my favorite Batman title.

 

Birds of Prey

This is another book that I couldn’t judge quite accurately because of the internet, even though the attention didn’t really fall on this title. The internet lost its mind, and rightfully so, over the way women were portrayed in two specific titles that came out this week. One of these titles was Catwoman, who is a character who has no problem using her womanly powers to make men weak in the knees. Here is the opening page from the Catwoman series:

 

Before we even see Catwoman’s face, we see her tits. Okay, most comic book women are drawn with the same endowments, so it’s not that she has giant knockers, I think people were just upset at how blatantly they were trying to exploit her “sexiness”. Okay okay, maybe this image isn’t that bad, but here are some pages from the end of the issue:

NOPE, THIS ISN’T EROTIC FANFICTION, THIS IS SOMETHING PRINTED BY DC. IN A COMIC BOOK. FOR PEOPLE TO LOOK AT. IT’S BATMAN FUCKING CATWOMAN. I mean, for fuck’s sake, tone it dont a little, will you? I’m no prude or anything, but it’s one thing to imply this behavior, but it’s another to put it out there, right in the opening, for what appears to be the sole purpose of getting pervert weirdos to buy this instead of paying someone for a commission sketch. And this is only ONE of the two titles. The other title was Red Hood and the Outlaws, which I wasn’t too familiar with. I knew that Jason Todd was the Red Hood, and then there was the knockoff Green Arrow character, but there’s also some weird lady. I guess her name is Starfire and she is an alien or something, and, well, just take a look at this scene…

WHAT THE FUCK. Talk about trying to be as slutty as you can be in five seconds. Kind of reminds me of someone from a movie I recently reviewed. All this character wants to do is fuck, and doesn’t even give a shit that she is married because she “can’t remember”, which seems convenient. Also, I like how the guy is so shocked that he spits out his soda, and five seconds later is all “Oh, okay! Tell me more about this ‘sex’ thing you speak of!” This scene was after we were introduced to Starfire, which of course was an introduction involving a bikini. I’ve included what the original illustration was that was supposed to be printed, which comes from the artist’s website. WARNING: image is mildly NWS, because it’s a cartoon lady drawn “sexy”. You might not get fired if someone sees you looking, but they’ll definitely think you’re a weirdo creep.

SOMEBODY, SOMEWHERE, THOUGHT IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO HAVE THIS ALIEN WEAR SARAN WRAP AS A BATHING SUIT. They did “tone it down” for the actual printing of the issue by coloring the bikini a solid color, but still, what the fuck guys. Is this what it’s come to? Saving people the time it takes them to draw their favorite characters in erotic situations by doing it for them? Ugh. All of this almost made me embarrassed to buy Birds of Prey, considering I was only trying it because I liked Black Canary from her time with Green Arrow, and considering I am not going to read that, wanted to see what she was up to. Luckily, the females in this book are far more approrpiately well-dressed and I don’t fear that their tits will bounce up and cave in their skulls. I think I’ll keep reading. I’d also like to send you in the direction of this article onNewsarama by Jill Pantozzi on the difference between what can be considered “sexy” art vs. “sexual” art.

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Reviews of DC’s new Batman & Robin, Green Lantern, Red Lanterns, and Suicide Squad

September 19, 2011 Leave a Comment

Green Lantern

This title caused me a little bit of confusion, because I know that Hal Jordan had his ring taken away from him at the conclusion of the previous Green Lantern title, but I thought that the events of Flashpoint changed a whole bunch of stuff? Maybe if I do some more internet searching I’ll find the timeline, but Sinestro is the titular Green Lantern of this series, and even he doesn’t seem happy about it. We see Hal Jordan being forced to pay rent, and when he thinks he sees a domestic dispute, he jumps through a window of another building to stop it, not giving a shit that he didn’t have superpowers. It was pretty cool. Hal has to adjust to life without these powers, until of course the end of the issues where Sinestro implies he can get him his power back. Geoff Johns is kicking ass writing Green Lantern and this might be what I’ve been most excited about so far with the New 52.

 

Red Lanterns

The first member of the Red Lantern Corps that we see is a cat…I was willing to set the book on fire and I was only a few pages in. We then got to see some of the other Red Lanterns, and even though I enjoy the idea of the Red Lanterns and that they are driven by rage, I don’t really connect to deeply with any one member of the Corps. The cat left long enough for me to enjoy the rest of the issue, but this might be one that I drop.

 

Batman & Robin

It’s good to see a little brat as Batman’s sidekick, which I guess will happen when you are Bruce Wayne’s son Damian. Rather than a Robin who is constantly trying to impress Batman and view him as some sort of deity, it’s nice to see Damien acting like a little asshole who doesn’t really give a shit whether or not he has Batman’s approval. Not a bad story, but I think I liked Detective Comics more than this as far as Batman titles are concerned.

 

Suicide Squad

This is a title I didn’t mention being interested in when I made that big post of what I was looking forward to, and mostly just picked it up on a whim. I figured it would be similar to Marvel’s Thunderbolts, which took a team of lesser-known villains and offered them the chance to reform. I was right about the lesser-known villain thing, but wrong about the idea of reform. Instead, the Suicide Squad is a force of death and destruction for hire. Some of the characters are annoying me already though, but this issue teased the death of a team member and I really hope it’s King Shark, because that guys makes no goddamned sense.

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Mega Mini Reviews!

September 11, 2011 2 Comments

Strange nonsensical juxtaposition with the title of this post, I know, but I just wanted to combine “mini” and “mega” because alliteration is fun. Remember last week when I gave those quick reviews for The Spirit and Dylan Dog? Well, I’m in a similar situation. It’s not that I necessarily have things to review that I hated or anything like that, just that I didn’t really have too many thoughts on the things I watched/read in the past week. I don’t want to devote one whole post to a half-assed review, but don’t want you guys thinking I’ve just been sitting on my ass eating cookies and brownies all week. Did I just inadvertently let you guys know that I’ve just been eating cookies and brownies all week? Whoops! Also, if anyone can think of a clever name for these short little reviews, let me know so I can feel like I have permission to do them more often.

 

Profondo Rosso (Deep Red)

 

I can’t believe that a whole bunch of months ago I claimed Dario Argento was one of my favorite directors (which I’m not changing, by the way) despite having really only seen a few of his films. Realizing what a cock was for doing that, I decided to check this one out. I think I’ve mentioned before that “giallo” films aren’t really my thing, and I prefer Argento’s more supernatural stuff. Well, Deep Red is giallo, so there’s already a limit to how much I can like it. I did like the look of the entire movie and the way all of the locations appeared, but other than that, it just really wasn’t for me. Another thing I noticed after this movie was how awesome the music in all of Argento’s movies is. Obviously music plays a strong part, and you might be aware of the music as it’s being played, but when the credits start to roll and you hear the main theme of the movie being played, it really reminds you of just how awesome the musical choices were.

 

Inferno

I went into this one with higher expectations than Deep Red, considering this is part of the “Mother Trilogy” that Argento made, with the first of that trilogy being Suspiria. This film also took the idea of witches existing, and seemed to combine it with some more giallo aspects that made you curious about who the murderer was. The whole tone of the film had a kind of adventure feeling to it, which sounds weird, but that’s the best way of describing it. It seemed like the characters were on a quest to get to the bottom of a legend, and some of the characters died along the way. It was this style, and it’s resemblance to a fairy tale, that made me enjoy this more than Deep Red, but I still only kind of remember what the fuck happened in it.

 

Detective Comics #1

I was excited for this issue to come out for a while because right after they announced its release, an image from the artist Jock appeared online, which was terrifying, and I thought it was going to be for this. Turns out that it was an image for an issue that was released months ago and I was pissed. I’ve been reading “Batman” since issue #666, which is almost four years, but only read “Detective Comics” for a few months but neither of them really stood out to me. It was so far into the title that there were tons of characters I didn’t know, and the villains that I did know had become such well-established characters that I felt like I was missing something. I enjoyed this first issue, which focused on Batman hunting down the Joker, and locking him up. I think my issue with the more recent incarnations of Joker is that he was becoming more and more and more insane, to the point that he seemed so far removed from reality that he appeared to function in some other realm of existence. Not saying that there’s anything wrong with that, because obviously every issue that came out had to delve further and further into his insanity, that it was refreshing to see him reverted back to a more comprehensible level of madness.

 

Swamp Thing #1

I think the only Swamp Thing I ever read was the first trade paperback of Alan Moore stuff, and I remember liking it. It felt like a horror comic, but not something violent or gross, but rather a more gothic type of horror, more similar to Edgar Allan Poe or H.P. Lovecraft. That’s what I was looking for with this new series, and it looks like that’s where it’s headed. Between dead birds falling from the sky to fish dying en masse to a force that causes humans heads to turn around backwards, yet keep them alive, it seems like this story is going places creepy. I like that.

 

Green Arrow #1

FUCK THIS. I already mentioned how hesitant I was about this series, considering they were making Oliver Queen young and in body armor, but I didn’t quite now how bad it would be. I really have no idea where they were going with this, and wherever it is, I don’t want to go there. We know that Ollie had help from people along the way, but in this new, hip Green Arrow, he has two computer pals that he keeps radio contact with, and can turn on thermal vision to track bad guys. It didn’t even take a full 5 pages for one of his young computer friends to make a comment about fucking YouTube. Seriously? We got to see a few of the trick arrows in his arsenal, including one he could shoot into the controls of anything that would allow his computer friends to be able to remotely control whatever that thing might be. I’d much rather the boxing glove arrow. He also had some weird frisbee looking disk weapons that he used, which were, well, fucking stupid. Luckily my pals at Chicago Comics had a deal that any of the new #1′s that people didn’t like could be returned, so I swapped Green Arrow for the newest issue of Fear Itself.

 

That’ll do it, folks. Hopefully you aren’t mad at me for giving short reviews, but, well, fuck you if you have a problem with it. I don’t anticipate there being too much activity from me this week as far as reviews go because I just started watching Breaking Bad and I’ll probably choose to watch that over the shitty Netflix movies I get. Even if I do watch a movie, it’s probably going to be Munich because I fucking forgot I added that to my queue and it got to my house and now I’m pissed. Why do I want to watch that? Goddammit.

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I tried to watch The Spirit and Dylan Dog: Dead of Night…and failed

September 7, 2011 7 Comments

Do you guys have any idea how long my Netflix queue is? I’m not trying to brag or anything, but pretty much any movie  have ever heard of, whether it’s supposed to be bad or supposed to be good, ends up on my queue. I’ve hit maximum multiple times and have to go back and erase some titles. That’s why things like The Spirit and Dylan Dog: Dead of Night end up arriving in my mailbox. When The Spirit was released theatrically, I had no interest. I heard nothing but awful things about it. However, being a comic book movie, it somehow made its way into the queue. I saw trailers in theaters for Dylan Dog, because it was supposed to get a theatrical release, but instead went straight-to-video. Still added it to the queue, thinking there would be a plethora of people interested in it. Sadly, both movies were hard to get through, and even though I don’t often do this, I had to shut them both off before they were over to get them the fuck out of my house.

 

If Samuel L. Jackson being referred to as “Octopus” or Scarlett Johansson having big boobs doesn’t save your movie, nothing will.

 

What I knew about The Spirit as a comic book was that one of my professor’s never shut up about it or about the author, Will Eisner, for any reason. I know that Will Eisner is really important to comic books, I’m not denying that, and I also know that Frank Miller had a huge boner for him. I also know that Frank Miller writes comic books, draws comic books, and does not direct movies. I have a feeling that what happened after the success of Sin City and 300 was that movie executives approached Frank Miller and said “Hey, I know you have no experience directing, but wanna direct something, anything, as long as it’s related to comics?”, and Miller’s eyes were replaced with dollar signs and agreed. I’m not knocking him or anything, because if someone offered me a shit ton of money to direct anything I wanted, and I could make a movie based on one of my favorite comics so that someone else wouldn’t have the opportunity to direct it, I’d do the same. Unfortunately, I think that if you take a comic book that was written in the 40′s with a certain tone, and have someone who has never directed anything attempt to do that over 60 years later, some things might not work. The characters and narrative were exaggerated and somewhat tongue-in-cheek, which I feel alienates you audiences who don’t quite “get it”. The film itself is exactly what it would look like if Zack Snyder took the Sin City movie out on a date, slipped roofies into its drink, then raped the living shit out of it. Every shot is either super-saturated blacks and whites, or are filmed in color, but with the saturation brought down. Don’t get me wrong, I love Frank Miller’s comic book work, but I think he should stick with that instead of attempting more movies.

 

I didn’t get this far in the movie so I have no fucking clue what’s going on here. Actually, even if I did get this far, I still wouldn’t have any idea what was going on.

 

Even though he was only in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World for a few scenes, the ones with Brandon Routh were some of the more entertaining moments of the film. Remember that whole part about the cleaning lady, dusting things, and the Vegan Police? HI-LARIOUS. Coming off of that, I was looking forward to seeing him as Dylan Dog, despite also never having read the comics. I did see Dellamorte Dellamore (a.k.a Cemetary Man) but know that it’s not a direct interpretation of the comics, so that doesn’t quite count. Even though this movie was about vampires, werewolves, and zombies, I could barely keep track of what the fuck was going on. I don’t think it’s all that uncommon for comic book movies too end up being too serialized, filled with short little adventures that are all connected to a major storyline, but I couldn’t keep track of that one thread that kept the plot moving forward. I feel the same way about Hellboy II: The Golden Army, in the sense that I can’t tell you exactly what the fuck happened in that movie, but at least when I left that movie, I enjoyed myself. Unfortunately, if you get an hour and fifteen minutes into a two-hour movie and still have no clue what the fuck is going on or why, you have to make an executive decision to put that movie into that little red envelope that will take it straight back to Netflix Hell.

 

No, this scene isn’t taken directly from The Spirit, but I was getting sick and goddamned tired of Googling “The Spirit Eva Mendes” and seeing page after page of pictures of this girl’s butt. INFURIATING.

 

I hope you guys don’t judge me for bailing on these movies without finishing them, especially after seeing how much garbage I am willing to sift through. I think I need to keep a new policy in mind when adding things to the queue, which should start to exclude the need to add EVERY comic book related movie out there. I’ve also seen a couple of those direct-to-video animated comic book movies, and although I might be entertained, ultimately decide against reviewing them. In hopes of you preventing this shit from happening in the future, I’m going to go ahead right now and delete a bunch of shit from my queue that I know I will hate. Come back soon for actual reviews of whole movies!

Filed under 1 Star, 1 Star, 1 Star, Comics, Horror Film, Inane Bullshit, Non-Horror Film

Flashpoint

September 5, 2011 2 Comments

 

You fucking got me, okay!? I can admit that DC tricked me into reading this series. I tried to avoid reading it because I don’t have very good luck reading the DC events. My most recent experiences were with Blackest Night, which I enjoyed, but both Final Crisis and Brightest day just confused the shit out of me. I guess that’s the issue I have with DC events, which is that I’m just not familiar with enough characters that when one of them pops up, I know nothing about them. My recent confusions are what made me blow off Flashpoint, but it was also because I wasn’t reading much about The Flash and didn’t want to be more confused. The reason I decided to read it was because of how annoyed I was trying to figure out what had happened the day after it had been released, that I figured I’d say “fuck it”, read it, and see how confused I got. So here we go, filled with spoilers, is what happened in Flashpoint. As a warning, I’m going to skip some details for the sake of brevity.

 

I think this image is somehow important, but I can’t really keep track of what’s going on. Other than The Flash is running, of course. And he’s running F-A-S-T.

 

Barry Allen, who some might know as The Flash, wakes up at his desk at the police station. When he tries to use his super power, he falls down the stairs and sees his mom looking at him. Flash Fact: Barry Allen’s mom is dead. Clearly something wacky is going on, so Barry goes after Batman, the best detective ever. When confronting Batman, we learn that Batman is not Bruce Wayne, but is instead Thomas Wayne. Clearly there is something wacky going on in this universe, and it seems that Barry Allen is the only one who knows it. I know that Barry’s mom being alive and Bruce Wayne being killed instead of Thomas might not seem like some big issue with this universe, but I should also mention that in this universe Wonder Woman and Aquaman are about to tear the world apart in a big death war fight thing. After Barry gets his powers back through lightning, he decides that he needs to find Superman, only to learn that Superman is locked in some basement and has never seen the Sun. In addition to being on the brink of war, all of Barry’s memories are changing to fit this new universe and he realizes that to correct things, he’s going to act quickly. When Barry determines that Reverse Flash is to blame and confronting him, Thomas Wayne kills him in order to have Barry run back in time to set things right. Thomas is critically wounded, but gives Barry a letter to deliver to Bruce, and then Barry says his goodbyes to his mom before running back in time to correct the universe. After setting things back to being more similar to what they are and delivering the letter to Bruce Wayne, Bruce starts crying over what his father said, and thus ends the DC universe.

 

Aw, Batman, you poor baby!

 

As far as five issues miniseries go, I was quite entertained. The whole story was relatively condensed to just a few characters, with Flash and Batman being at the center. I’d like to point out that I didn’t read any of the one-shots of tie-ins for other characters, so I’m sure there’s a lot more stuff that happened while Flash was running around, but the story itself was pretty easy to understand. Maybe because I only read those few issues of the series itself I missed out on the sense of how widespread or “epic” these events were, they seemed a little underwhelming. I understand the idea of Barry going back in time to change one event and how that will resonate throughout history and change lots of things in all sorts of different ways, but it didn’t sink in that the DC universe was hitting the “RESET” button. It was somewhat melodramatic seeing Bruce Wayne cry, but I understood why his entire character would end right after that event happened. I’ve also already read the first issue of the new universe, Justice League #1, and enjoyed it, but I’m still confused. I guess after all of the marketing around the end of this series, I expected something a little more, either with a longer series or maybe more emphasis on the whole world changing. After I read the final page and it said “The End” on the bottom, it was hard to believe that they meant the end of the entire DC universe. I can understand fans that are upset over this series, but I feel like any fans of Flash or Batman can appreciate the series, and would even recommend it to anyone looking for a prelude to any of the new number ones.

 

Wolfman Moon Scale

DC Comics
Flashpoint on Wikipedia

Filed under 4 Stars, Comics Tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

The “New 52″ from DC that I give a shit about

August 30, 2011 2 Comments

First off, I am probably three months behind with all comic books because I am trying to save money. Secondly, I only read a handful of DC comic books anyway, so I didn’t really care all that much. However, after realizing there are 52 new titles coming out soon, I might actually be interested in some of them being placed in my slot so I can buy them in December. The following is a list of the comics I might look into to see if they are any good. Before I go any further, keep in mind that these are merely ones I’m interested in, and doesn’t mean I’ll buy them. I’ll probably pick them up, look at them, and ask someone for help.

 

Justice League

Formerly known as the Justice League of America, and sometimes known as “the comic that I’ve never really paid any attention to” to some. Mainly me. I really like Geoff Johns, and it’s got some characters I like, so I might check it out. This is also the first of the new 52 and is intended to be a flagship title with Geoff Johns writing and Jim Lee as the artist, so hopefully it lives up to that combination.

 

Batman/Detective Comics/Batman & Robin/Batman: The Dark Knight

Don’t really know which one to go with here and will wait and see what people are saying. I currently only read Batman as well as Batman and Robin, but was at one point reading all four. Now that everything is starting over, I have no allegiance to any of the titles, but like to read Batman and will hopefully keep up with at least one of these. Also, I totally thought I used the same image twice, then just realized the artwork for Batman & Robin is quite similar to Batman: The Dark Knight. You assholes.

 

Green Lantern/Red Lanterns

Will definitely be reading Green Lantern, as it is still Geoff Johns, and will hopefully hear some good things about Red Lanterns. Not necessarily the characters themselves that I enjoy, but the idea of their spectrum being based on rage and the angrier they are, the stronger they are really hits close to home. I’ve heard there is a Red Lantern cat though which is bullshit because cats are shitty.

 

Green Arrow

This is one that I want to be good, but will not be surprised if I don’t read it. It looks like Oliver Queen will be younger and “edgier”, and I enjoyed the cranky old liberal with a goatee. Who knows, this book might take that town, but it seems as though he might be shaping up to be more similar to Marvel’s Hawkeye.

 

Birds of Prey

I don’t know too much about these characters, but I like Black Canary, possibly only because I like Green Arrow. Anyways, this is a series I have wanted to start reading for quite some time, but never found an easy enough starting point and just got lazy. Hopefully this will change that.

 

Swamp Thing

 I’ve only ever read some of Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing, but I liked it. I wished I had read more! I’m hoping for monsters having sex with ladies.

 

Justice League Dark

Again, I’ve only ever read some of Hellblazer, but John Constantine seems like a cool dude. And despite the fact that her fishnets now look like she bought them at Hot Topic, I think Zatanna is pretty neat, too. And it’s got “Dark” in the title, which implies that the subject matter will be less bright! Easy decision.

 

Well folks, that’s it. I don’t know when any of these come out, so I guess I’ll resort to just going to my local comic book store and asking what came out that week, and then buying it. Sounds simple enough that even a moron like me won’t be able to fuck it up! 

Filed under Comics, Inane Bullshit Tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

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