You fucking got me, okay!? I can admit that DC tricked me into reading this series. I tried to avoid reading it because I don’t have very good luck reading the DC events. My most recent experiences were with Blackest Night, which I enjoyed, but both Final Crisis and Brightest day just confused the shit out of me. I guess that’s the issue I have with DC events, which is that I’m just not familiar with enough characters that when one of them pops up, I know nothing about them. My recent confusions are what made me blow off Flashpoint, but it was also because I wasn’t reading much about The Flash and didn’t want to be more confused. The reason I decided to read it was because of how annoyed I was trying to figure out what had happened the day after it had been released, that I figured I’d say “fuck it”, read it, and see how confused I got. So here we go, filled with spoilers, is what happened in Flashpoint. As a warning, I’m going to skip some details for the sake of brevity.
I think this image is somehow important, but I can’t really keep track of what’s going on. Other than The Flash is running, of course. And he’s running F-A-S-T.
Barry Allen, who some might know as The Flash, wakes up at his desk at the police station. When he tries to use his super power, he falls down the stairs and sees his mom looking at him. Flash Fact: Barry Allen’s mom is dead. Clearly something wacky is going on, so Barry goes after Batman, the best detective ever. When confronting Batman, we learn that Batman is not Bruce Wayne, but is instead Thomas Wayne. Clearly there is something wacky going on in this universe, and it seems that Barry Allen is the only one who knows it. I know that Barry’s mom being alive and Bruce Wayne being killed instead of Thomas might not seem like some big issue with this universe, but I should also mention that in this universe Wonder Woman and Aquaman are about to tear the world apart in a big death war fight thing. After Barry gets his powers back through lightning, he decides that he needs to find Superman, only to learn that Superman is locked in some basement and has never seen the Sun. In addition to being on the brink of war, all of Barry’s memories are changing to fit this new universe and he realizes that to correct things, he’s going to act quickly. When Barry determines that Reverse Flash is to blame and confronting him, Thomas Wayne kills him in order to have Barry run back in time to set things right. Thomas is critically wounded, but gives Barry a letter to deliver to Bruce, and then Barry says his goodbyes to his mom before running back in time to correct the universe. After setting things back to being more similar to what they are and delivering the letter to Bruce Wayne, Bruce starts crying over what his father said, and thus ends the DC universe.
Aw, Batman, you poor baby!
As far as five issues miniseries go, I was quite entertained. The whole story was relatively condensed to just a few characters, with Flash and Batman being at the center. I’d like to point out that I didn’t read any of the one-shots of tie-ins for other characters, so I’m sure there’s a lot more stuff that happened while Flash was running around, but the story itself was pretty easy to understand. Maybe because I only read those few issues of the series itself I missed out on the sense of how widespread or “epic” these events were, they seemed a little underwhelming. I understand the idea of Barry going back in time to change one event and how that will resonate throughout history and change lots of things in all sorts of different ways, but it didn’t sink in that the DC universe was hitting the “RESET” button. It was somewhat melodramatic seeing Bruce Wayne cry, but I understood why his entire character would end right after that event happened. I’ve also already read the first issue of the new universe, Justice League #1, and enjoyed it, but I’m still confused. I guess after all of the marketing around the end of this series, I expected something a little more, either with a longer series or maybe more emphasis on the whole world changing. After I read the final page and it said “The End” on the bottom, it was hard to believe that they meant the end of the entire DC universe. I can understand fans that are upset over this series, but I feel like any fans of Flash or Batman can appreciate the series, and would even recommend it to anyone looking for a prelude to any of the new number ones.
Going into this movie, I had pretty low expectations. This summer, we already had Thor, which was good, and X-Men: First Class, which was a lot of fun, and I highly doubted this could be better than the previous comic book movie I had seen. Add to that the fact that I didn’t really think the movie would work quite that well, and the early negative reviews, I was nervous that everything would be completely fucked. The last DC movie that had come out had been The Dark Knight, which took Hollywood and the general public by storm, so how the fuck could this follow that up? Let’s just say that this version of the movie was better than the original concept that was being passed around a few years ago. Did you know that this movie was originally going to be a comedy starring Jack Black? I shit you not, that a few years ago, before the “gritty realism” of most other comic book movies, Green Lantern was going to be funny. Thank fucking Cthulhu that someone realized how dumb that was, and how much better Ryan Reynolds would look in a skin-tight suit.
Yes, Ryan, everyone is still pissed at you for marrying, and DIVORCING ScarJo
Since the Green Lantern mythos is kind of confusing to explain to anybody, the beginning of the movie had to give you a crash-course in Green Lantern-ness. These really powerful aliens harnessed an energy force in the universe, that was green, and was powered out of an individual’s sheer will. That green energy was transferred to rings, and the wearer of the ring could construct anything their mind was capable of, as long as they had the conviction of will. Once a ring had “chosen” the bearer, they would be assigned a sector. The one responsible for the sector that Earth was in was well-renowned after having defeated an entity who is the antithesis of will, and who was powered by fear. This entity, known as Parallax, literally sucked the fear from individuals, draining them of their life force. Unfortunately for Abin Sur, Parallax escaped and hunted him down, and critically wounded him. All of this shit happens in probably the first five minutes, and is aided by a narration by Geoffrey Rush, so if you got confused, I wouldn’t be surprised.
If you use SPF 100, you can avoid the weird purple color next time you go to the beach
The ring wearers are referred to as “Green Lanterns”, and after his escape from Parallax, Abin Sur landed on Earth. In Abin Sur’s last moments, his ring left his finger in search of the replacement Green Lantern, and found its way to Ryan Reynolds. Well, not Ryan Reynolds, the character is named Hal Jordan, but he’s played by Ryan Reynolds. Hal is a hotshot pilot who is cock, brash, and irresponsible, but aren’t all good superheroes? Once realizing the power of his ring, Hal is transported to the home-base for all the members of the Green Lantern Corps, a planet called “Oa”. Once there, a powerful Green Lantern named Sinestro, played by Mark Strong, expresses his doubts and concerns, and through a brief boot-camp sequence, Hal claims to quit and heads back to Earth. Peter Sarsgaard plays Hector Hammond, the scientist who gives Abin Sur an autopsy, where he inadvertently infected by what remains of Parallax in Abin Sur’s corpse, which causes Hector’s head to swell grotesquely as well as amplify his mental prowess, giving him the power to read minds and control objects. Because of his powers and he jealousy over Hal’s relationship with Carol Ferris, played by Blake Lively, Hal realizes he must defeat Hector. As if Hector being a dick wasn’t enough, the amount of Parallax inside him causes Parallax itself to head towards Earth in hopes of destroying what remains of Abin Sur’s legacy. Hal stops his pity party and takes on Hector, defeats him, then takes on Parallax, and destroys it. The rest of the Green Lantern Corps take notice, and Hal Jordan rejoins them, as a peace keeper in the universe.
I don’t really know who this Blake Lively bitch is, but based on Rampaige’s hatred for her, I feel like I am obligated to like her
What the fuck was everyone complaining about? Sure, the movie wasn’t great, but it really wasn’t that bad. In fact, I enjoyed myself. Granted, there were moments where I felt like I was watching the Hulk movie from 2003, when there was way too much shit going on to figure out what the point was. They were, for the most part, able to set the stage for the role of Green Lanterns, while remaining relatively faithful to the comics. I thought Ryan Reynolds was fine as Hal, but possibly a little too much on the self-conscious side of thing. Hal Jordan is known for his cockiness and how self-centered he is, but I understand that this was just one story where you need to introduce the character to millions of oblivious people. As far as acting goes, Reynolds couldn’t compete with the two supporting actors, Sarsgaard and Strong. Sarsgaard went from a vulnerable, intelligent character who you were sympathetic with, all the way to a grotesque, disgusting person that you couldn’t bring yourself to look at. Strong portrayed Sinestro as regal, powerful, and commanding, and despite Sinestro currently being regarded as a bad guy in the comics, he still has elegance to him that Strong conveyed wonderfully. Blake Lively? Well, yeah, she existed in this movie as well.
Ugh, that veiny forehead looks so sensitive that even I have a headache now
What really set this movie apart from any other comic book movie that has been released were the visual look of this movie. First off, Parallax is the embodiment of fear, which even in comic books is difficult to portray, but typically has a fluidity to it. On the screen, we saw a being who fluctuated in size, shape, and density, that was constantly moving, smoking, melting, and burning. In my opinion, they really nailed it. I thought the portrayal of the Guardians, the beings who originally harnessed the energy, lived on isolated thrones on Oa that were hundreds of feet tall, commanding the respect and inspiring awe in anyone who spoke with them. The robes they wore draped over the thrones and were almost as long as the thrones themselves. And any time the constructs were used, courtesy of the rings, were believable and creative, making for quite entertaining action sequences. I really feel as though the creative design of this movie gave you the sense of scale of the vastness of the universe in which Green Lantern exists, which might have alienated some viewers, but entertained me tremendously. And okay, I’ll admit, that Hal Jordan’s suit didn’t look all that cool, but it was the proof of concept. Every member of the Corps has a slightly different suit because the suit itself isn’t fabric, it is constructed from the power of the ring. It served its purpose, and won’t stop anyone from buying a Green Lantern costume this Halloween. Also, I commented on how shitty his mask was at disguising two inches of his face, there was a scene where Blake Lively realizes his him, and lets him know that hiding his cheekbones won’t fool her.
Why don’t more superheroes wear uniforms that emphasize every muscular fiber in their body?!
Maybe I’m being a little too lenient after having such low standards, but I am pretty sure that I really was as entertained as I claim. There really were moments where I doubted the quality of the movie, but the final action sequences really turned me around and made me a fan. There were also a few references for comic fans to pick up on, like the inclusion of the notorious Green Lanterns Kilowog and Bzzd, and Carol’s call sign of Sapphire, referencing the fact that currently she is a member of the Star Sapphire Corps as well as using that Corps’ insignia on her helmet. Without spoiling it, shortly into the credits we see where Sinestro’s fate is headed, which goes in line with the comic book lineage as well as sets us up for a sequel. In the current state of comic book movies, where everyone is trying to compare things to reality, it was nice to see a movie that called for the attitude of “FUCK IT” and go all out with its ambitions. Despite your Iron Mans and your Dark Knights and your X-Mens trying to relate to things you know, Green Lantern really shot for the stars showed you something a lot more majestic and astronomical, which I feel people probably haven’t seen since the original Superman. Granted, I am not saying this movie was as good as that movie, but it brought a refreshing tone to comic book movies. However, there’s not fucking way I could ever picture a team-up movie featuring Christian Bale as Batman trying to help Green Lantern fight fucking fear monsters.
I blame going to see Thor for the reason I recently watched this movie. There was a time when I was going to see pretty much every “blockbuster” movie I could, just because going to the movies was fun. This film, other than the Star Wars movies, was one of the first where I did everything in my power to see as soon as I possibly could. I went to the first showing on the day it opened, and then went to see it again later that night. And then the next day. The first week it was open, I managed to see this movie five times in theaters, and continues to hold the record for movie I’ve seen the most time in theaters. It really rejuvenated my love for comic books and the idea of a fun “summer” movie, and I have lots of fond memories of it. I’m sure I even still have the toys from this movie in some box somewhere, even though they were kind of lame. It was one of my geek discoveries that I had made on my own that wasn’t passed onto me by anyone else, and I took a lot of pride in it. The reason this ties into Thor is not only because they are both superhero movies, but because Thor is the first movie since the X-Men franchise that has caused me to go on opening day, first showing, to the movies. That doesn’t count midnight showings, of course, because I’ve been to a few of those. One of my favorite parts about summer are the summer movies, and just how exciting it is to have nice weather and going to see a movie when other people are probably stuck at their jobs. Take THAT, employed people!
Remember how silly it was when Wolverine only snikt-ed out his middle claw like he was giving the finger?! LOL what a prankster!
The first scene involves seeing a boy being ripped from his parents at a concentration camp in World War II, and in his emotional pain, somehow causes metal fences to bend at his will, until he is knocked unconscious. We then see a girl kiss her first boy, only to send that boy into some sort of shock. After running away from home, this girl encounters a cage fighter making money by beating up everyone who challenges him, and does this without a scratch. All of these people are mutants, possibly the next step in human evolution, and most humans don’t like them. The girl is Marie, mutant name of Rogue, and the cage fighter is named Logan, mutant name of Wolverine, encounter some bad mutants and then some presumably good mutants. They end up at a “school for the gifted”, run by a mutant named Charles Xavier, referred to as Professor X. Xavier informs the pair that they are in a safe place where they won’t be judged, and he, along with mutants Cyclops, Storm, and Jean Grey, teach all the children at the school how to utilize their incredible abilities, as well as provide them comfort in being joined by people who understand their “gifts”. Once settled into this school, Xavier then proceeds to inform the newest mutants of who the bad guys are, and what they’re after.
Toad is PISSED! Which is probably a side effect from having jaundice, or whatever else might make his skin yellow.
The child we saw in WWII grows up to be Erik Lensherr, mutant name of Magneto, who believes that he is part of the new species Homo superior, and thinks Homo sapiens need to be eradicated. After creating a device that can mutate a human into a Homo superior, Magneto sets his sights on Wolverine and Rogue. With the help of his own mutant bad guys Sabertooth, Toad, and Mystique, Magneto manages to capture Rogue, which comes as a surprise, seeing as everyone thought he was after the very powerful Wolverine. Rogue’s abilities allow her to absorb the power of whoever she touches, whether that just be the life force of a human, of the abilities of a mutant. The device is powered by Magneto’s ability, and he causes Rogue to absorb his powers greatly enough that she can power the device on her own, in hopes of turning a large collection of the most important people in the world into mutants. When the “X-Men”, consisting of Storm, Cyclops, Jean, and Wolverine, learn of this, they step into action. Using their powers, the X-Men are able to defeat Magneto and imprison him in a facility made completely of plastic, thus rendering his power of magnetism useless. Rogue appears to have found a good place to live at the school for the gifted, and Wolverine goes off on his own to seek answers about his own past.
This movie made me have such a big crush on Famke Janssen. Not sure why I said that like it was past tense though.
This movie is admittedly not the greatest superhero movie out there, but it is definitely a “blockbuster” and is overall one of the most fun. It’s only 90 minutes long, and start to finish, you are thoroughly entertained. Granted, some of the acting and some of the dialogue is terrible, mostly blaming Halle Berry and her portrayal of Storm, but the action scenes and visual effects are quite fun. Just look back on all of the characters I mentioned, about ten, and I didn’t even scratch the surface of their relevant powers and history. However, in the film, you get a great sense of all of the characters, or at least get enough of a sense to understand the way the characters interact with one another. Admittedly, Toad and Sabertooth are barely more than thugs in this movie, who don’t appear in the rest of the trilogy, but every other character, good or bad, gets a pretty decent representation. Considering this film introduces that many characters, is able to convey their powers, personalities, and relationships to one another, and does so in only 90 minutes, is certainly a credit to director Bryan Singer and the rest of the filmmakers involved. And if you thought this movie was good, just wait for the sequel. And if you didn’t think this movie was good, then brush the sand out of your vagina you fun hater.
This is definitely the most ambitious Marvel movie to date, as well as one that I wasn’t too excited to see. Thor is one of the most recognizable Marvel characters who has been around as long as any other notable Marvel character, yet one that causes quite a bit of confusion. Well sure, he’s the God of Thunder, but what does that even mean? What are his powers? Who are his enemies? If he is so powerful, why doesn’t he smote thine enemies heartily? In addition to being confusing to the general populace, who the fuck is Chris Hemsworth? Natalie Portman, she was in that Black Swan movie, right? Anthony Hopkins is playing…Odin? What the fuck is an Odin? Kenneth Branagh…wait, THAT Kenneth Branagh? I thought he only did Shakespeare stuff? Being the first film in a big summer of superhero movies, Thor was setting the standard for what we can expect in the summer to come.
Gotta be honest, the yellow hair/beard combo was a little distracting knowing that Chris Hemsworth, ya know, DOESN’T have a yellow beard or hair
Thor, Odin, and Loki, played by Tom Hiddleston, are all residents of Asgard, which for simplicity’s sake, I’ll just refer to as a different “realm” from Earth. Odin is their father, and is about ready to pass down the kingdom of Asgard to Thor, but before he can, Thor launches an assault on their enemies, and shows Odin that he is a stubborn, headstrong warrior, rather than a king. Odin casts him out of Asgard, and Thor lands on Earth, which they refer to as “Midgard”, now stripped of all of his Godlike powers. On Earth, he is found by an astrophysicist named Jane Foster, played by Portman, and her buddies, played by Stellan Skarsgård and Kat Dennings. While he is on Earth, trying to figure out how to get back to Asgard, as well as respond to the confusion by his Earth buddies, Loki is still in Asgard, now set to take over from Odin. Thor’s best buddies, known as the Warriors Three, and a lady warrior who goes by the name Sif, learn of this, and go to Earth in hopes of warning Thor and explaining what is happening. Before they can explain everything, Loki has sent a killer robot to kill Thor, and anything in its path, which is what happens when you name a robot “Destroyer”. Thor manages to get his powers back when he demonstrates his selflessness, fights things, everyone punches stuff, and, well, I’m just going to leave it at that. Not that there are really “spoilers”, but I’m sure that at this point you can figure out how the movie ends.
“HERE I AM AND I’M YELLING AND BEING LOUD ABOUT THINGS!!!!!!”
Not only was it one of the most ambitious Marvel movies, but it also ended up being one of the best. I had heard rumors of this movie being better than Iron Man, and despite Iron Man being a lot more reckless fun, Thor was certainly one of the best films to come from Marvel. The trailer gives the impression, or maybe I read into it too much, that Thor was going to spend a lot of time on Earth, running around and smashing things. Turns out, not only as that not true, but also that there was a lot of plot taking place in Asgard. Even trying to summarize the nine worlds that Asgard and Midgard are included in is pretty confusing, but for the sake of this movie, you didn’t really need to know anything. The visionaries behind the aesthetics of Asgard were quite talented, putting onto film things that are highly conceptual. For example, the way that all of the nine world are connected is through the Bifrost Bridge, which in comics, is just this big rainbow bridge that shows up whenever the Asgardians go somewhere. Clearly a giant rainbow wouldn’t translate as well on film as one might hope, but the way they pulled it off was not only faithful to the comics, but had a practical sensibility to it. The mythology was handled quite well, and you didn’t doubt the authenticity of the filmmakers for a moment.
In my day, the term “SIF” always referred to Secret Internet Fatty. Apparently, they’ve changed the definition!
I have been reading Thor for a few years now, and feel like I understand the character, yet was still surprised by Chris Hemsworth’s interpretation of the guy. He started off headstrong and narrow-minded, which is more similar to the way Hercules is portrayed in recent years with Marvel. This threw me off a bit, and I was a little disappointed that Thor was originally just being referred to as some sort of wacky fish out of water who didn’t understand things, rather than a warrior from another realm who was about to be a king. By the end of the film, he really evolved into much more than that, and set the bar for the humble and reserved, yet powerful warrior as he is usually portrayed. Tom Hiddleston as Loki as quite good, being able to play the God of Mischief who is clearly intelligent and strong, without coming across as a wormy sidekick. This was also one of the first movies where I felt Natalie Portman was playing a woman as opposed to just a girl playing grownup. One of my favorite characters? Oh, well, that would be Jeremy Renner as fucking HAWKEYE. Yeah, that’s right, Hawkeye was in this movie. No, he wasn’t referred to as Hawkeye, merely his real name of Clint Barton, and he only had about 6 or 7 lines of dialogue, but it was awesome to see that much screen presence, not knowing he would be in it at all.
This was one of the first images released from the film. Can you blame me for being pissed?
The best comparison for this movie in the realm of Marvel movies would probably somewhere along the lines of the first X-Men movie. It wasn’t acting so much as a complete and all-encompassing project as much as both films were serving as introductions to characters and concepts. We already know that Thor, as well as Hawkeye and maybe a few other characters from this movie, will be featured in the Avengers movie coming out next summer, and this movie did a good job of getting you to learn about the characters. You might notice I use the terms “fun” and “good” with two different definitions, which I think is an important distinction, and those terms can be used separate from one another. For example, the first X-Men movie was fun, but I wouldn’t necessarily say it was good, mostly in regards to things like shitty, shitty dialogue. I’m not saying that Thor wasn’t fun or anything like that, but it was far more mature in subject matter than X-Men was and in overall quality of the film. Thor didn’t have too many rallying moments where the audience jumped up and cheered at what was going on in the movie, but you still enjoyed yourself. Comic book movie can be both good and fun, movies like Spider-Man 2 and X2 are both good and fun, but not all movies manage to pull off both successfully. Thor serves as a great introduction to the character, is a mature film with complicated concepts, and gets you excited for as much Thor related content as there is. If movies like this are what we can expect for the rest of the summer, it’s going to be a good one.
I didn’t really see any trailers for this movie, so the only reason I knew it existed was because of Rainn Wilson’s Twitter. Based on the pictures he had posted and after reading a brief synopsis of what this movie was about, I wasn’t really interested….at all. It seemed to be too similar in style to bullshit like Juno and Youth in Revolt, neither of which I liked, and now it was about superheroes and comic books, so I was avoiding it at all costs. Add to that the fact that Ellen Page, Juno herself, was in this movie, there was no way I wouldn’t hate this movie. However, upon further investigation, seeing James Gunn’s involvement piqued my interest, because he did such an awesome job with the script for Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, how could I not go see this? Well, I did watch the trailer first, and it looked kind of funny, so I went and checked it out.
That’s right, beware of that thing that looks like a character from Homestar Runner
Rainn Wilson plays Frank D’Arbo, a guy who seems to be locked in contempt with his life. In hopes of starting his days off better, he illustrates the two most “perfect” moments of his life, which are when he got married to his wife and when he helped direct police to where a criminal had just run to. Shortly after making these drawings, his wife, played by Liv Tyler, disappears, apparently because she now loves Jacques, played by Kevin Bacon. Clearly Frank was already disturbed and was teetering on the brink of sanity, and this pushes him over the edge. With the desire to take down Jacques, and after having strange visions involving a Christ-like superhero, played by Nathan Fillion, Frank decides to become a superhero named the Crimson Bolt. Not having any superpowers, Frank goes to the local comic book store to do some research on heroes without powers, which is where he meets Libby, played by Ellen Page, who helps guide him in his quest for knowledge. He settles upon a monkey wrench as his weapon of choice, yet the public starts to see him as a menace, rather than a hero, after constantly sending people to the intensive care unit, without anyone claiming he does this for justice. Frank tries to discard the Crimson Bolt and leave that part of him behind, but another vision encourages to get his wife back, and he teams up with Libby, now known as his sidekick “Bolty” to take down Jacques. I’m just going to leave it there, because, well, I’m sure you can find out for yourself what happens after that if you don’t feel like seeing it.
As if Hit Girl didn’t make enough people feel awkward with the whole female superhero thing, you guys just had to go and perpetuate it? Damn you.
I am so glad that I wasn’t excited for this movie, because going in with these low expectations, combined with having no preconceived notion of what the movie would be like, helped me enjoy it more thoroughly. I expected something similar to Juno, and although there were elements of this movie that were similar, mostly just in the aesthetic feeling of some scenes, it seems as though those scenes were used to juxtapose everything else that happens. Frank was clearly a depressed psychotic who thought he could get away with bashing strangers brains open with a monkey wrench, yet he didn’t realize the severity of his actions until some of the final scenes of the movie. In the trailers, the violence is used for a cartoonish and comedic effect which, once again, just kind of contradicted other parts of the movie, but in an enjoyable way. For example there is a scene where Frank confronts two individuals who cut in line at the movies, and we see Frank try to handle it, and fail, only to go to his car, change into his Crimson Bolt outfit, and then came back to repeatedly smash a man in the forehead with a monkey wrench, and when his date tries to stop him, he lets her have it as well. I was nervous of Ellen Page’s involvement, but this role was quite different from what I anticipated. Sure, she did play the cool, cute “indie” chick, but when you got a glimpse into her psychotic tendencies, all those quirks to her personality made her seem all that much darker. Admittedly not the greatest movie I’ve ever seen, but it was definitely a more realistic, at least mentally and emotionally, interpretation of the concept of why real people don’t ever try to be superheroes. Good luck convincing these people that it’s a bad idea.
These straight to video comic book movies are really a crapshoot. The first one I saw was The Ultimate Avengers, which was the first one Marvel produced. It was pretty decent, and was similar to the actual storyline of The Ultimates comic book series. The other films that I’ve seen have only loosely, if at all, followed any specific storyline. I had heard reviews of this one being exceptionally better than most other straight to video movies, whether it be Marvel or DC. It took me a while to get around to watching it, mostly because Rampaige kind of hates cartoons that aren’t family friendly, and she also hates Batman. This was a double whammy, because, ya know, Batman is in it and it’s PG-13. That was exactly what got me excited about it, when I finally found the courage to stay up past her bedtime.
Batman with the Red Hood. I can’t remember which one is which though.
The movie starts by recreating a scene from the storyline of the classic Batman tale “A Death in the Family”, which can be summarized by saying the Joker is beating the living SHIT out of Robin. To be fair, this is the second Robin, who is Jason Todd, and the Joker is using a crowbar. Between the savage crowbar beating and explosion, Jason Todd dies. Five years later, Batman is fighting crime, as usual. A bad guy arrives on the scene known as the “Red Hood”, and the interesting thing about that is that drug trafficking is going up, yet crime is going down. Apparently Red Hood is climbing the ranks of bad guy activities, and Batman wants to get to the bottom of it. Despite being attacked by Batman, with help from Nightwing, Red Hood still manages to get away. Ra’s Al Ghul, who is a bad guy, contacts Batman and let’s him know that he has information about Red Hood. Since Ra’s felt bad about being partly responsible for Jason Todd’s death, he used a Lazarus pit to resurrect Jason, only for Jason to go kind of insane and missing. Well, guess what? Yup! Red Hood is Jason Todd who has been resurrected to fight crime in his way, which involves a lot more violence than Batman can handle. There’s a showdown involving Red Hood, Batman, and the Joker, that results in an explosion, as well as the Joker being returned to Arkham Asylum and Jason Todd. Poor thing! Maybe next time, Bruce!
Poor, poor Jason Todd. That’s what you get for having your last name be a first name.
I remember a few weeks ago a frequent commenter who goes by the name “JD” telling me he openly wept in the beginning of this movie, and I now realize it’s because he had to see a character with his name getting beat up. I guess I don’t really blame him, because the beat down was pretty brutal, especially considering it was a cartoon. It was pretty cool to see that part of “A Death in the Family” on-screen, even though it was only a small tidbit. The twists and turns in the story kept you engaged in what was happening, but there wasn’t really anything that was “silly”, so this movie isn’t at all geared towards kids. Considering this wasn’t based on one specific story, both readers of Batman and non-readers can enjoy this. There were things like the Black Mask, Ra’s Al Ghul, and Jason Todd that could appease the Batman fans, but they explained these characters well enough that even had you not known who they were beforehand. If this kind of quality keeps up, hopefully the quality of theatrically released films will go up as well.
Some people might call me a poseur, and fuck you if you do, but I only really knew about Scott Pilgrim when I saw the trailer for the film that’s coming out. I knew that Edgar Wright from Shaun of the Dead fame was involved, so I was excited to see the trailer…up until I saw it. I was mostly confused, and wondering when something funny would happen, and was overall just underwhelmed. A few weeks went by, and all over the Twitters I see people talking about the release of Book 6: Scott Pilgrim’s Finest Hour. Not only was I surprised that there were six books, but that people were having midnight release parties in comic book stores across the country, with hundreds of people attending. Taken completely by surprise, I decided to take on the task of reading the entire series to see what the kids were so excited about.
Who says shit like this? Oh, that’s right, pseudo-hipsters that like videogames.
Since I already mentioned that there are six books, I’m just going to kind of describe the plot of the whole thing, rather than taking it book by book. Scott Pilgrim is a character that I would describe as “hipster lite”, as in he is aware of the social movement of hipsters, yet keeps his distance from them, while still actually having common interests with them. He is a 24-year-old who is unemployed and is in a band named after a Super Mario Brothers reference. He sees a girl at a party with asymmetrical hair, who he instantly becomes infatuated with and attempts to woo. After getting her to deliver a CD to his house, he is actually relatively successful in convincing Ramona, his new-found love, in going on a few dates with him. Early on in their relationship, she lets it be known that she has Seven Evil Ex’s that must be defeated if he wants to be with her, a challenge that Scott both fears, and accepts.
Breaking the fourth wall? Aren’t there enough Deadpool comics out there? Unless this is a nod to Ferris Bueller, in which case, far more acceptable.
These events all take place in the first book, and the next books show a variety of things happen, which are actually all relatively the same. Scott meets one of the Ex’s, they get into a fight, there is some videogame reference thrown in, and then Scott plays a show with his band. We also learn that Scott’s ex-girlfriend is in a popular band, which causes some strife with Ramona, which is eventually smoothed over. There are ups and downs for the next few books, but in Book 5: Scott Pilgrim vs. The Universe, shit gets real, as Ramona mysteriously disappears, and Scott is left alone and depressed. Luckily, in Scott Pilgrim’s Finest Hour, she returns, letting Scott know she needed to “find herself”, and with her help, Scott is able to defeat the leader of the Evil Ex’s, Gideon. Scott and Ramona then get some semblance of a relationship, both claiming they have issues to work out, and our hero appears to have finally gotten what he wanted all along, a hip girlfriend with interesting hair.
Scenes like this remind me that the book takes place in Canada, and completely fucks with your mind
To be honest, the first four books of this series didn’t really do much for me. Obviously, it was entertaining enough, since I kept reading, but I still don’t really get it. At least in Book 5, things got a little more interesting with the disappearance of the love interest, which upped the stakes a little more. The first four books was cute and quirky, but I’ve seen that story told before. It just reminded me of books like Blankets, Perks of Being a Wallflower, or maybe something that Jeffrey Brown wrote. And come to think of it, it’s even more similar to (500) Days of Summer, which is about two hipsters thinking they aren’t hipsters being all lovey dovey and going to Ikea and being ironic, all the while being punctuated with surreal delves into a fantasy world. Yeah, that’s what I wanted to say. I’m hoping there’s something I just don’t get about the book, and to each their own I guess, but I can’t help but think there are one too many passengers riding the hype train on this one. But before getting too bent out of shape, look at the rating I gave it, and know I am not a heartless asshole.
Giant boobs. There we go, I just took care of the first thing people think of when they think of Power Girl. I’ll be honest, that’s what my first thoughts were when I considered reading this series. The second thing I thought of was I would have to be an idiot to not read it. I posted on a comic book forum the fact that I wanted to read more DC titles, and to my surprise, someone recommended Power Girl. I thought it would be like Danger Girl, something that only horny guys read, not actual comic book fans. So I took a chance and read the 11 issues of her ongoing self-titled series. And you know what? It’s actually pretty fun. Oh and they show how big her boobs are quite often.
Apparently, abs used to be more important than boobs. Oh how the times have changed…for the better, of course.
Power Girl is the Earth-2 version of Supergirl. In case you don’t know what Earth-2 is, it’s an alternate dimension’s Earth in the DC comics, and Power Girl was their version of Supergirl. In case you don’t know who Supergirl is, she’s like Superman, but a girl. And it case you don’t know who Superman is, you’re not missing too much. Ha! Take that, Clark Kent! Seriously though, Power Girl is the last of her species from a dying planet who gets her powers from the Earth’s yellow Sun. She is super strong, can fly, has heat vision, cold breath, and huge boobs. In her current series, she has come to New York City to try and give back to the people of Earth. Being super-powered means you can obviously punch all the bad guys and therefor protect the planet from evil, but she wants to do more for the Earth, and you can’t really just punch global warming. I mean, it would be convenient if you could, but it’s not that easy. So her secret identity is that of a CEO of a business where she is attempting to bring together great minds and offer them the resources to do good for the future, through science. And of course, bad guys get in the way, and she generally punches them.
I’ll take a busty girl fighting an albino gorilla over political strife any day of the week, thank you very much
This series is just a lot of fun, which some comic books are afraid to do. Whether it’s Marvel or DC, we often find that there are issues being dealt with that mirror our current society, and through their characters they attempt to convey social commentary through epic events. There isn’t really anything wrong with that, and generally makes for interesting story-telling. There can be drawbacks to it as well, for example, mass confusion. Marvel had an event a few years ago called Civil War, where superheroes turned on each other, thus creating a Civil War. There was a title called “Civil War”, that was seven issues, as well as about another 70 issues scattered throughout the Marvel Universe that you needed to read for the “complete” story. Our take DC, without using a specific example of one of their events, but they tend to just fuck up everything and you have no idea what is required reading and what is optional. I read Batman and Green Arrow, and sometimes only get to the shop once a month, so when I get home, read the story, and get to the last page, imagine how pissed off I am when I find that I have to buy a different title to finish what I started, and have that title to be sold out?! It sucks! Power Girl would be the opposite of that. The longest story arc I think lasted maybe three issues, so it’s been pretty easy to pick up wherever you want.
Ha ha! Get it?! There are globes in the way of her globes! And one of those uses of “globes” isn’t in the literal sense!
Is it anything new to have a female superhero with giant boobs? No, not at all. Since the invention of huge boobs and of comics, you will find the two being combined. What makes Power Girl more entertaining is the fact that, even though I only jokingly mentioned it earlier, they actually can be used as a super power, at times. Her appearance causes villains to assume she is all looks and no brains, and can use that to her advantage. And male super villains tend to get distracted while she is around, thus opening up a weakness they can take advantage of. It’s just bad guys showing up, explaining why they will win, then getting punched a lot. It’s a simple formula, but it’s a formula that works. Issue 12 will be the last issue for the current creative team, so either catch up now or wait until issue 13, if there is an issue 13. Also, here’s an apology in advance to Paige for using the word “boobs” in this review more than any other (so far).
Get comfortable kids, I can already tell this is going to be a long one. Not necessarily because it deserves a super long review, but I have a feeling I am going to start rambling and going off on a few tangents, so don’t say I haven’t warned you. How awesome was the first Iron man movie? Well, I will tell you, it was really awesome. It was really similar to the first Spider-Man movie, where they really had a great mixture of action, humor, and fun. Robert Downey Jr. was perfect as an egotistical playboy millionaire, like he had years of practice or something. Gwyneth Paltrow was just the right mix of sassy and sweet as Pepper Potts, while Jeff Bridges was surprisingly convincing as Obidiah Stone, and then later as Iron Monger. They really set the bar high for Marvel, so everyone had high expectations for the sequel. The biggest concern for me was how many new characters/actors were being incorporated and I was nervous we would suffer from Spider-Man 3 syndrome. Considering it had mixed reviews, I went into this movie with low expectations, and they were definitely surpassed. I’m going to break my traditional review format this time around so that each character can be addressed with the strengths/weaknesses. Plus, considering how much money it made this weekend, you either already saw this movie or are on your way to see it, so I won’t go into detail about the specifics of the plot.
Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man/Tony Stark
In the first film, he was pitch-perfect as a narcissistic genius. He had the right humor and confidence for the role, and I think no matter how high your expectations were for him as Tony Stark, he still managed to exceed them. We aren’t going to have scenes quite like Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man where he is really awkward and bumbling around with his powers, RDJ instead handled every accident or mishap with a cool swagger, as if he knew that was supposed to happen. So here in Iron Man 2, he does just as good of a job. One major development in this film is the fact that the hardware implanted into his chest is actually leaking into his body and poisoning him, and there are multiple scenes of hm just wallowing in his own self-pity. Which isn’t to say he doesn’t counteract that by getting shitfaced and putting on the Iron Man suit at his birthday party, because he does. For as depressed as he has to get in some moments, he also has to juxtapose that by being even more cocky when it calls for it. And as far as the suit goes, the cool thing about Iron Man is he is always upgrading his suits to be capable of anything they need to be capable of. It might be cheating, yes, but it works for the character that he is also fine tuning and tweaking the best ways to make the suit better or more adaptable for any given obstacle in his way. Also displayed even more in this movie is how much of a genius Tony Stark really is. It’s easy to watch the first one and say he’s a smart guy who inherited a lot of money, but in this film you really see just how smart he is when it comes to developing tech, manipulating computers, and even creating a brand new element. Another job well done for RDJ.
Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts
Another great performance as Pepper, combining the sweet and innocent Pepper with the cold, calculated, take no shit from Tony Stark Pepper. She was the moral barometer for the film, and you knew that if Pepper was mad, you should be mad. If Pepper was sympathetic, you should be sympathetic. Her role in this film isn’t as large as it was in the first film, but still, she did a great job.
Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer
This could also be read as “Sam Rockwell as Sam Rockwell”, considering he is pretty much the same character in every film. However, it’s a character I love watching and have been a fan of since the first time I saw Charlie’s Angels. If you like Sam Rockwell, I recommend checking out Confessions of a Dangerous Mind as well as Moon, but don’t hurt yourself trying to see Choke. The character he plays is generally someone who thinks they are smooth talking, but really isn’t, yet they still manage to find success. In this film Justin Hammer is the financial supporter of the villain Whiplash, who is clearly trying to take down Iron Man. Since Justin Hammer is a rival weapons contractor, he obviously wants Tony Stark to go down in flames. He’s cool when he needs to be cool, and a dork when he needs to be a dork. You could probably put Sam Rockwell in any movie as any character and that movie will instantly be more entertaining.
Mickey Rourke as Ivan Vanko/Whiplash
Honestly, what more needs to be said about Mickey Rourke? He was quasi-popular in the 90′s, then disappeared into obscurity, and had a huge career boost thanks to Robert Rodriguez and Sin City. Since he played Marv in that film, he has been the quintessential middle-aged ugly guy that you feel like you know, and he even got nominated for an Oscar for his role in The Wrestler. Imagine everyone’s excitement when you found out he was going to be a villain in Iron Man 2, and that it was a Russian convict covered in Russian prison tattoos who has weird lightsaber whips as weapons. Yeah, it doesn’t get much more awesome than that. He was obviously as awesome as anticipated, despite the fact that he had weird blond streaks in his hair, as well as just not being used enough. I mean he was used enough to scare the shit out of Paige, but that’s not too challenging.
Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury
Considering the Ultimate Universe (which I will discuss later) version of Nick Fury was based on Sam Jackson, it was impossible for him to fail. He was gruff, stern, sarcastic, and just fun to watch. And he has a nine picture deal with Marvel. NINE MOVIES. Who does that? Granted, he will probably just have a couple of scenes in all of those movies, but still, pretty awesome. Without giving away too much, it seemed like the main reason he was there was to set up the Captain America, Thor, and Avengers movies that will all be coming out in the next few years. In case you didn’t know these movies were going on, there were some fun hints at their existence, but if you are a huge dork like me, you are following all of their developments and those hints were no surprise.
Don Cheadle as Jim Rhodes/War Machine
War Machine. That name right there says it all, if you ask me. Now, I don’t think there was necessarily anything wrong with Terrence Howard’s performance of this character in the first movie, he was just kind of “there”. He existed, and responded to that name, but that was about it. I kind of assumed the same of Don Cheadle in this movie, because both are great actors, but if you don’t write the character correctly, there is only so much an actor can do. And it turns out, Don Cheadle did a lot more than expected. Obviously the main role of this character is to be a sidekick best friend and help out Iron Man when he needs it, and that’s how the character was developed. Along the way, he certainly developed more of an edge, considering he is a soldier, so there are times when his priorities are towards his country rather than just being buddies with Tony Stark. This was played into more, in the fact that Rhodes put on one of Stark’s suits to beat him into submission when he was in a drunken outburst, which also happened to have a soundtrack of Daft Punk’s “Robot Rock”, which was pretty awesome. Cheadle gave Rhodes/War Machine a voice of his own, and you can totally see him having a movie on his own, or at least being involved in other films without Tony Stark standing right there.
Scarlett Johansson as Natalie Rushman/Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow
I saved the best for last. Seriously I mean that, I wasn’t just avoiding talking about her. And to be completely honest, this was a character that I had the most doubts about as far as casting was concerned. I have never really been a big fan of Scarlett Johansson, or at least of her acting anyway. I mean, I can watch her in everything, which might be why I own The Nanny Diaries on DVD (don’t judge me). As far as her acting chops, I’ve just never really been impressed. I knew she would look good in the suit, but whether or not she could pull off the attitude of the character was up in the air. And surprisingly, the reasons which I generally am not impressed by most of her roles were the reasons she worked as this character. She showed little emotion, didn’t really talk all that much, and always had a hidden agenda, so she always seemed a little detached. As far as her character in the comics, you always knew she would be a spy, wear black spandex, have red hair, and a Russian accent. I suppose three out of four isn’t that bad. She mad up for the Russian by kicking total ass. I mean as cool as it was when Iron Man fought people, I was even more shocked by all the crazy flipping and kicking and jumping that Black Widow was doing.
Wolfgang in his War Machine outfit
So guys, what does the future hold for our heroes? Well we’ve got Thor currently being filmed with a 2011 release, Captain America is about to start filming with a 2011 release, and an Avengers movie slated to be released in 2012. Any details about these movies would just be conjectures at this point…so here’s my own personal conjecture! I am going to have to take a trip in the way back machine to 2002 before we get started…
Oceanic 815! Get it? Like, travel back in time, and LOST has tons of that shit going on? Shut up.
The X-Men movie was released all the way back in 1999, and was a financial success. It was able to sell movie tickets, toys, memorabilia, all that stuff. If it wasn’t for the success of this film, Spider-Man wouldn’t have been possible. One area that didn’t see a huge financial surge were the actual comics books. It was difficult for someone seeing the movie to run to their local comic book store and pick up the most recent issue, because they wouldn’t know most of the characters or plots of what was happening. So in 2002, with the release of Spider-Man, they started a new line of comic books called the Ultimate Universe, starting with Ultimate Spider-Man. They started at issue number one and retold the origins of characters as well as made things a little more contemporary. This way, when people left the movie, they could go start buying more comics. This led to Ultimate Fantastic Four, Ultimate X-Men, as well as a title called The Ultimates, which was a revamped version of the Avengers.
The Ultimates were originally consisted of Bruce Banner (the Hulk), Hank and Janet Pym (Giant Man and the Wasp), Tony Stark (Iron Man), and Thor (Thor, the god of thunder, I just wanted to put something in parentheses), and were run by Nick Fury. Nick Fury was always a hard-ass with an eye patch, so the best way to convey to an audience unfamiliar with his character that magnitude of badass-ery? Draw him like Samuel L. Jackson, and the people will know what he’s all about. The plot involved finding Steve Rogers frozen in the Atlantic Ocean and thawing him out, and of course he joins these Ultimate Avengers as Captain America. Down the line, these Avengers receive help from other superheroes, most notably would be Black Widow. Six out of the eight characters I just mentioned have either appeared on-screen or have been cast and are already filming, I am going to go ahead and predict the films have been following the structure of this Ultimate Universe. This means that the Camptain America movie, entitled “Captain America: The First Avenger”, will primarily take place during World War II, involve him fighting the Red Skull (Hugo Weaving, already cast), who is a huge Nazi bad guy, and then being thrown into the Atlantic, only to be thawed out in time for the release of the Avengers movie the following summer. And I know what you’re thinking…what about the fact the Edward Norton was so displeased with the last movie, why would he do another one? Well, in the first Ultimates storyline, Bruce Banner actually takes a whole bunch of steroids and adrenaline to Hulk out and destroy everyone, so that the Ultimate Avengers had someone to stop. So I wouldn’t be surprised if the part gets cast by some nobody and the Hulk is only involved as a CGI aspect. But that’s just this man’s opinion.
This doesn’t have much to do with Iron Man 2, but who is going to complain? Correction…who is going to complain that is NOT my girlfriend?
What were we talking about? Oh yeah, I saw Iron Man 2. It was a lot of fun, not as surprisingly fun as the first film, but still extremely enjoyable, and served it’s purpose of building up more hype and anticipation for Thor, Captain America, and The Avengers.
I remember reading the first issue of this series back in December of 2005. I mean honestly, Hulk vs. Wolverine? Fuck yes! Then I had to wait two months to read the next one. Even after two issues, there was talk of fighting, but no actual fighting, but it was promised to happen in the third issue. And then the third issue was released…THREE GODDAMN YEARS LATER. I mean honestly, I have heard of delays in comic books, but three years? Seriously? It was actually my favorite joke at the comic book store. I tried to reference as often as possible “Oh hey guys, I can’t believe they finally released number three!” or “I saw that it’s being released next week, can I put a copy on reserve?”. When it finally got released I almost didn’t believe it, and figured it was a joke. And after all of this disappointment, was it even worth it?
I knew you were going to look for this image, so I figured I would put this right here to save everyone some time
The first issue starts with Wolverine slow regaining consciousness, only to realize his legs are no longer attached. Luckily, we got a nice two page splash image of Hulk ripping Wolverine in two, then throwing Wolverine’s legs four miles UP a mountain. How awesome is that? The first two issues let us know that Nick Fury has sent Wolverine to Tibet to kill the Hulk because he is just a huge asshole. Then once they start their fight, She-Hulk also shows up to try to destroy everything, and Nick Fury then drops a bomb on all three of them. From there, Wolverine is just a severed head trying to regrow the rest of his body. After getting in touch with the mutant Forge, who has the ability to create practically any device he can think of, Wolverine gets two collars that once attached to a subject, would require something like one billion million kajillion tons of force to open. The plan? Wolverine will put these on Hulk and She-Hulk, while still in human form, knowing that if they Hulk out, they will strangle themselves and die.
Muscles, veins, green boobs! What more could a guy ask for?!
One thing that I had completely forgotten was the fact that in these comic book face-off’s, nobody actually wins or loses. Generally, it just ends up at a stalemate, everyone hugs, then fights a bad guy. This was still fun to read, and I recommend checking it out just for a fun action comic, but it also ends up in a stalemate. The issue with this specific title ending this way is that the writer Damon Lindelof, claimed one of them would die. I guess Wolverine kind of died, because his head came off, but still, he came back to life, which is cheating. Since this was the Ultimate universe, I did like the explanation of who She-Hulk was, and why she existed, but I don’t want to ruin it for you.
The real fight everyone wanted to see. WOLVERINE FIGHTING A FUCKING PANDA.
I guess looking back on all the delays and false promises, I can understand it. In case Damon Lindelof sounded familiar, that’s because he’s one of the co-creators of LOST, so obviously he had more important things to take care of. I mean, without him, we wouldn’t have gotten to see Matthew Fox shirtless nearly as many times as we have. It also makes sense that Lindelof claimed “somebody will die”, probably forgot he made that claim, and had Wolverine half-assedly die. Kind of reminds you of “Holy shit, there’s polar bears on the island?!” and then two seasons later say “Oh so there was a zoo on the island? Whatever.” Also, the artist, Leinil Francis Yu, was the artist for the big crossover event in 2008, Secret Invasion. Most likely any attempt to contact him to finally do the art for Wolverine vs. Hulk was met with a “Yeah sure, I bet it really will come out this time.”
