DC’s new Batman and Birds of Prey [REVIEW]

September 25, 2011 4 Comments

Batman

This title set the internet on fire when it was released this week, if by “internet” I am referring to “comic book websites”. A lot of people were claiming that this was the best title of not just the week, but of the entire DC relaunch. With that sort of expectation, it was kind of hard to judge this book on its own merits. I read it, I liked it. Do I need to say more? This story didn’t reinvent the wheel or anything, but it was definitely quite enjoyable. I feel like with all of these new DC books, I am just rating them based on “like” or “didn’t like” and haven’t been able to say which one I enjoyed the most. I liked seeing the detective aspect of Batman, and it made me feel like I was back playing Arkham Asylum, with all these gadgets the Batman has and almost a tutorial of how he could use them. I think this title will be going in a good direction, but then again, I also liked Batman & Robin, as well as Detective Comics, so it might be too early to pick my favorite Batman title.

 

Birds of Prey

This is another book that I couldn’t judge quite accurately because of the internet, even though the attention didn’t really fall on this title. The internet lost its mind, and rightfully so, over the way women were portrayed in two specific titles that came out this week. One of these titles was Catwoman, who is a character who has no problem using her womanly powers to make men weak in the knees. Here is the opening page from the Catwoman series:

 

Before we even see Catwoman’s face, we see her tits. Okay, most comic book women are drawn with the same endowments, so it’s not that she has giant knockers, I think people were just upset at how blatantly they were trying to exploit her “sexiness”. Okay okay, maybe this image isn’t that bad, but here are some pages from the end of the issue:

NOPE, THIS ISN’T EROTIC FANFICTION, THIS IS SOMETHING PRINTED BY DC. IN A COMIC BOOK. FOR PEOPLE TO LOOK AT. IT’S BATMAN FUCKING CATWOMAN. I mean, for fuck’s sake, tone it dont a little, will you? I’m no prude or anything, but it’s one thing to imply this behavior, but it’s another to put it out there, right in the opening, for what appears to be the sole purpose of getting pervert weirdos to buy this instead of paying someone for a commission sketch. And this is only ONE of the two titles. The other title was Red Hood and the Outlaws, which I wasn’t too familiar with. I knew that Jason Todd was the Red Hood, and then there was the knockoff Green Arrow character, but there’s also some weird lady. I guess her name is Starfire and she is an alien or something, and, well, just take a look at this scene…

WHAT THE FUCK. Talk about trying to be as slutty as you can be in five seconds. Kind of reminds me of someone from a movie I recently reviewed. All this character wants to do is fuck, and doesn’t even give a shit that she is married because she “can’t remember”, which seems convenient. Also, I like how the guy is so shocked that he spits out his soda, and five seconds later is all “Oh, okay! Tell me more about this ‘sex’ thing you speak of!” This scene was after we were introduced to Starfire, which of course was an introduction involving a bikini. I’ve included what the original illustration was that was supposed to be printed, which comes from the artist’s website. WARNING: image is mildly NWS, because it’s a cartoon lady drawn “sexy”. You might not get fired if someone sees you looking, but they’ll definitely think you’re a weirdo creep.

SOMEBODY, SOMEWHERE, THOUGHT IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO HAVE THIS ALIEN WEAR SARAN WRAP AS A BATHING SUIT. They did “tone it down” for the actual printing of the issue by coloring the bikini a solid color, but still, what the fuck guys. Is this what it’s come to? Saving people the time it takes them to draw their favorite characters in erotic situations by doing it for them? Ugh. All of this almost made me embarrassed to buy Birds of Prey, considering I was only trying it because I liked Black Canary from her time with Green Arrow, and considering I am not going to read that, wanted to see what she was up to. Luckily, the females in this book are far more approrpiately well-dressed and I don’t fear that their tits will bounce up and cave in their skulls. I think I’ll keep reading. I’d also like to send you in the direction of this article onNewsarama by Jill Pantozzi on the difference between what can be considered “sexy” art vs. “sexual” art.

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DC’s new Batman & Robin, Green Lantern, Red Lanterns, and Suicide Squad [REVIEW]

September 19, 2011 Leave a comment

Green Lantern

This title caused me a little bit of confusion, because I know that Hal Jordan had his ring taken away from him at the conclusion of the previous Green Lantern title, but I thought that the events of Flashpoint changed a whole bunch of stuff? Maybe if I do some more internet searching I’ll find the timeline, but Sinestro is the titular Green Lantern of this series, and even he doesn’t seem happy about it. We see Hal Jordan being forced to pay rent, and when he thinks he sees a domestic dispute, he jumps through a window of another building to stop it, not giving a shit that he didn’t have superpowers. It was pretty cool. Hal has to adjust to life without these powers, until of course the end of the issues where Sinestro implies he can get him his power back. Geoff Johns is kicking ass writing Green Lantern and this might be what I’ve been most excited about so far with the New 52.

 

Red Lanterns

The first member of the Red Lantern Corps that we see is a cat…I was willing to set the book on fire and I was only a few pages in. We then got to see some of the other Red Lanterns, and even though I enjoy the idea of the Red Lanterns and that they are driven by rage, I don’t really connect to deeply with any one member of the Corps. The cat left long enough for me to enjoy the rest of the issue, but this might be one that I drop.

 

Batman & Robin

It’s good to see a little brat as Batman’s sidekick, which I guess will happen when you are Bruce Wayne’s son Damian. Rather than a Robin who is constantly trying to impress Batman and view him as some sort of deity, it’s nice to see Damien acting like a little asshole who doesn’t really give a shit whether or not he has Batman’s approval. Not a bad story, but I think I liked Detective Comics more than this as far as Batman titles are concerned.

 

Suicide Squad

This is a title I didn’t mention being interested in when I made that big post of what I was looking forward to, and mostly just picked it up on a whim. I figured it would be similar to Marvel’s Thunderbolts, which took a team of lesser-known villains and offered them the chance to reform. I was right about the lesser-known villain thing, but wrong about the idea of reform. Instead, the Suicide Squad is a force of death and destruction for hire. Some of the characters are annoying me already though, but this issue teased the death of a team member and I really hope it’s King Shark, because that guys makes no goddamned sense.

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Mega Mini Reviews!

September 11, 2011 2 Comments

Strange nonsensical juxtaposition with the title of this post, I know, but I just wanted to combine “mini” and “mega” because alliteration is fun. Remember last week when I gave those quick reviews for The Spirit and Dylan Dog? Well, I’m in a similar situation. It’s not that I necessarily have things to review that I hated or anything like that, just that I didn’t really have too many thoughts on the things I watched/read in the past week. I don’t want to devote one whole post to a half-assed review, but don’t want you guys thinking I’ve just been sitting on my ass eating cookies and brownies all week. Did I just inadvertently let you guys know that I’ve just been eating cookies and brownies all week? Whoops! Also, if anyone can think of a clever name for these short little reviews, let me know so I can feel like I have permission to do them more often.

 

Profondo Rosso (Deep Red)

 

I can’t believe that a whole bunch of months ago I claimed Dario Argento was one of my favorite directors (which I’m not changing, by the way) despite having really only seen a few of his films. Realizing what a cock was for doing that, I decided to check this one out. I think I’ve mentioned before that “giallo” films aren’t really my thing, and I prefer Argento’s more supernatural stuff. Well, Deep Red is giallo, so there’s already a limit to how much I can like it. I did like the look of the entire movie and the way all of the locations appeared, but other than that, it just really wasn’t for me. Another thing I noticed after this movie was how awesome the music in all of Argento’s movies is. Obviously music plays a strong part, and you might be aware of the music as it’s being played, but when the credits start to roll and you hear the main theme of the movie being played, it really reminds you of just how awesome the musical choices were.

 

Inferno

I went into this one with higher expectations than Deep Red, considering this is part of the “Mother Trilogy” that Argento made, with the first of that trilogy being Suspiria. This film also took the idea of witches existing, and seemed to combine it with some more giallo aspects that made you curious about who the murderer was. The whole tone of the film had a kind of adventure feeling to it, which sounds weird, but that’s the best way of describing it. It seemed like the characters were on a quest to get to the bottom of a legend, and some of the characters died along the way. It was this style, and it’s resemblance to a fairy tale, that made me enjoy this more than Deep Red, but I still only kind of remember what the fuck happened in it.

 

Detective Comics #1

I was excited for this issue to come out for a while because right after they announced its release, an image from the artist Jock appeared online, which was terrifying, and I thought it was going to be for this. Turns out that it was an image for an issue that was released months ago and I was pissed. I’ve been reading “Batman” since issue #666, which is almost four years, but only read “Detective Comics” for a few months but neither of them really stood out to me. It was so far into the title that there were tons of characters I didn’t know, and the villains that I did know had become such well-established characters that I felt like I was missing something. I enjoyed this first issue, which focused on Batman hunting down the Joker, and locking him up. I think my issue with the more recent incarnations of Joker is that he was becoming more and more and more insane, to the point that he seemed so far removed from reality that he appeared to function in some other realm of existence. Not saying that there’s anything wrong with that, because obviously every issue that came out had to delve further and further into his insanity, that it was refreshing to see him reverted back to a more comprehensible level of madness.

 

Swamp Thing #1

I think the only Swamp Thing I ever read was the first trade paperback of Alan Moore stuff, and I remember liking it. It felt like a horror comic, but not something violent or gross, but rather a more gothic type of horror, more similar to Edgar Allan Poe or H.P. Lovecraft. That’s what I was looking for with this new series, and it looks like that’s where it’s headed. Between dead birds falling from the sky to fish dying en masse to a force that causes humans heads to turn around backwards, yet keep them alive, it seems like this story is going places creepy. I like that.

 

Green Arrow #1

FUCK THIS. I already mentioned how hesitant I was about this series, considering they were making Oliver Queen young and in body armor, but I didn’t quite now how bad it would be. I really have no idea where they were going with this, and wherever it is, I don’t want to go there. We know that Ollie had help from people along the way, but in this new, hip Green Arrow, he has two computer pals that he keeps radio contact with, and can turn on thermal vision to track bad guys. It didn’t even take a full 5 pages for one of his young computer friends to make a comment about fucking YouTube. Seriously? We got to see a few of the trick arrows in his arsenal, including one he could shoot into the controls of anything that would allow his computer friends to be able to remotely control whatever that thing might be. I’d much rather the boxing glove arrow. He also had some weird frisbee looking disk weapons that he used, which were, well, fucking stupid. Luckily my pals at Chicago Comics had a deal that any of the new #1′s that people didn’t like could be returned, so I swapped Green Arrow for the newest issue of Fear Itself.

 

That’ll do it, folks. Hopefully you aren’t mad at me for giving short reviews, but, well, fuck you if you have a problem with it. I don’t anticipate there being too much activity from me this week as far as reviews go because I just started watching Breaking Bad and I’ll probably choose to watch that over the shitty Netflix movies I get. Even if I do watch a movie, it’s probably going to be Munich because I fucking forgot I added that to my queue and it got to my house and now I’m pissed. Why do I want to watch that? Goddammit.

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I tried to watch The Spirit and Dylan Dog: Dead of Night…and failed

September 7, 2011 7 Comments

Do you guys have any idea how long my Netflix queue is? I’m not trying to brag or anything, but pretty much any movie  have ever heard of, whether it’s supposed to be bad or supposed to be good, ends up on my queue. I’ve hit maximum multiple times and have to go back and erase some titles. That’s why things like The Spirit and Dylan Dog: Dead of Night end up arriving in my mailbox. When The Spirit was released theatrically, I had no interest. I heard nothing but awful things about it. However, being a comic book movie, it somehow made its way into the queue. I saw trailers in theaters for Dylan Dog, because it was supposed to get a theatrical release, but instead went straight-to-video. Still added it to the queue, thinking there would be a plethora of people interested in it. Sadly, both movies were hard to get through, and even though I don’t often do this, I had to shut them both off before they were over to get them the fuck out of my house.

 

If Samuel L. Jackson being referred to as “Octopus” or Scarlett Johansson having big boobs doesn’t save your movie, nothing will.

 

What I knew about The Spirit as a comic book was that one of my professor’s never shut up about it or about the author, Will Eisner, for any reason. I know that Will Eisner is really important to comic books, I’m not denying that, and I also know that Frank Miller had a huge boner for him. I also know that Frank Miller writes comic books, draws comic books, and does not direct movies. I have a feeling that what happened after the success of Sin City and 300 was that movie executives approached Frank Miller and said “Hey, I know you have no experience directing, but wanna direct something, anything, as long as it’s related to comics?”, and Miller’s eyes were replaced with dollar signs and agreed. I’m not knocking him or anything, because if someone offered me a shit ton of money to direct anything I wanted, and I could make a movie based on one of my favorite comics so that someone else wouldn’t have the opportunity to direct it, I’d do the same. Unfortunately, I think that if you take a comic book that was written in the 40′s with a certain tone, and have someone who has never directed anything attempt to do that over 60 years later, some things might not work. The characters and narrative were exaggerated and somewhat tongue-in-cheek, which I feel alienates you audiences who don’t quite “get it”. The film itself is exactly what it would look like if Zack Snyder took the Sin City movie out on a date, slipped roofies into its drink, then raped the living shit out of it. Every shot is either super-saturated blacks and whites, or are filmed in color, but with the saturation brought down. Don’t get me wrong, I love Frank Miller’s comic book work, but I think he should stick with that instead of attempting more movies.

 

I didn’t get this far in the movie so I have no fucking clue what’s going on here. Actually, even if I did get this far, I still wouldn’t have any idea what was going on.

 

Even though he was only in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World for a few scenes, the ones with Brandon Routh were some of the more entertaining moments of the film. Remember that whole part about the cleaning lady, dusting things, and the Vegan Police? HI-LARIOUS. Coming off of that, I was looking forward to seeing him as Dylan Dog, despite also never having read the comics. I did see Dellamorte Dellamore (a.k.a Cemetary Man) but know that it’s not a direct interpretation of the comics, so that doesn’t quite count. Even though this movie was about vampires, werewolves, and zombies, I could barely keep track of what the fuck was going on. I don’t think it’s all that uncommon for comic book movies too end up being too serialized, filled with short little adventures that are all connected to a major storyline, but I couldn’t keep track of that one thread that kept the plot moving forward. I feel the same way about Hellboy II: The Golden Army, in the sense that I can’t tell you exactly what the fuck happened in that movie, but at least when I left that movie, I enjoyed myself. Unfortunately, if you get an hour and fifteen minutes into a two-hour movie and still have no clue what the fuck is going on or why, you have to make an executive decision to put that movie into that little red envelope that will take it straight back to Netflix Hell.

 

No, this scene isn’t taken directly from The Spirit, but I was getting sick and goddamned tired of Googling “The Spirit Eva Mendes” and seeing page after page of pictures of this girl’s butt. INFURIATING.

 

I hope you guys don’t judge me for bailing on these movies without finishing them, especially after seeing how much garbage I am willing to sift through. I think I need to keep a new policy in mind when adding things to the queue, which should start to exclude the need to add EVERY comic book related movie out there. I’ve also seen a couple of those direct-to-video animated comic book movies, and although I might be entertained, ultimately decide against reviewing them. In hopes of you preventing this shit from happening in the future, I’m going to go ahead right now and delete a bunch of shit from my queue that I know I will hate. Come back soon for actual reviews of whole movies!

Filed under 1 Star, 1 Star, 1 Star, Comics, Horror Film, Inane Bullshit, Non-Horror Film

Flashpoint [REVIEW]

September 5, 2011 2 Comments

 

You fucking got me, okay!? I can admit that DC tricked me into reading this series. I tried to avoid reading it because I don’t have very good luck reading the DC events. My most recent experiences were with Blackest Night, which I enjoyed, but both Final Crisis and Brightest day just confused the shit out of me. I guess that’s the issue I have with DC events, which is that I’m just not familiar with enough characters that when one of them pops up, I know nothing about them. My recent confusions are what made me blow off Flashpoint, but it was also because I wasn’t reading much about The Flash and didn’t want to be more confused. The reason I decided to read it was because of how annoyed I was trying to figure out what had happened the day after it had been released, that I figured I’d say “fuck it”, read it, and see how confused I got. So here we go, filled with spoilers, is what happened in Flashpoint. As a warning, I’m going to skip some details for the sake of brevity.

 

I think this image is somehow important, but I can’t really keep track of what’s going on. Other than The Flash is running, of course. And he’s running F-A-S-T.

 

Barry Allen, who some might know as The Flash, wakes up at his desk at the police station. When he tries to use his super power, he falls down the stairs and sees his mom looking at him. Flash Fact: Barry Allen’s mom is dead. Clearly something wacky is going on, so Barry goes after Batman, the best detective ever. When confronting Batman, we learn that Batman is not Bruce Wayne, but is instead Thomas Wayne. Clearly there is something wacky going on in this universe, and it seems that Barry Allen is the only one who knows it. I know that Barry’s mom being alive and Bruce Wayne being killed instead of Thomas might not seem like some big issue with this universe, but I should also mention that in this universe Wonder Woman and Aquaman are about to tear the world apart in a big death war fight thing. After Barry gets his powers back through lightning, he decides that he needs to find Superman, only to learn that Superman is locked in some basement and has never seen the Sun. In addition to being on the brink of war, all of Barry’s memories are changing to fit this new universe and he realizes that to correct things, he’s going to act quickly. When Barry determines that Reverse Flash is to blame and confronting him, Thomas Wayne kills him in order to have Barry run back in time to set things right. Thomas is critically wounded, but gives Barry a letter to deliver to Bruce, and then Barry says his goodbyes to his mom before running back in time to correct the universe. After setting things back to being more similar to what they are and delivering the letter to Bruce Wayne, Bruce starts crying over what his father said, and thus ends the DC universe.

 

Aw, Batman, you poor baby!

 

As far as five issues miniseries go, I was quite entertained. The whole story was relatively condensed to just a few characters, with Flash and Batman being at the center. I’d like to point out that I didn’t read any of the one-shots of tie-ins for other characters, so I’m sure there’s a lot more stuff that happened while Flash was running around, but the story itself was pretty easy to understand. Maybe because I only read those few issues of the series itself I missed out on the sense of how widespread or “epic” these events were, they seemed a little underwhelming. I understand the idea of Barry going back in time to change one event and how that will resonate throughout history and change lots of things in all sorts of different ways, but it didn’t sink in that the DC universe was hitting the “RESET” button. It was somewhat melodramatic seeing Bruce Wayne cry, but I understood why his entire character would end right after that event happened. I’ve also already read the first issue of the new universe, Justice League #1, and enjoyed it, but I’m still confused. I guess after all of the marketing around the end of this series, I expected something a little more, either with a longer series or maybe more emphasis on the whole world changing. After I read the final page and it said “The End” on the bottom, it was hard to believe that they meant the end of the entire DC universe. I can understand fans that are upset over this series, but I feel like any fans of Flash or Batman can appreciate the series, and would even recommend it to anyone looking for a prelude to any of the new number ones.

 

Wolfman Moon Scale

DC Comics
Flashpoint on Wikipedia

Filed under 4 Stars, Comics Tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

The “New 52″ from DC that I give a shit about

August 30, 2011 2 Comments

First off, I am probably three months behind with all comic books because I am trying to save money. Secondly, I only read a handful of DC comic books anyway, so I didn’t really care all that much. However, after realizing there are 52 new titles coming out soon, I might actually be interested in some of them being placed in my slot so I can buy them in December. The following is a list of the comics I might look into to see if they are any good. Before I go any further, keep in mind that these are merely ones I’m interested in, and doesn’t mean I’ll buy them. I’ll probably pick them up, look at them, and ask someone for help.

 

Justice League

Formerly known as the Justice League of America, and sometimes known as “the comic that I’ve never really paid any attention to” to some. Mainly me. I really like Geoff Johns, and it’s got some characters I like, so I might check it out. This is also the first of the new 52 and is intended to be a flagship title with Geoff Johns writing and Jim Lee as the artist, so hopefully it lives up to that combination.

 

Batman/Detective Comics/Batman & Robin/Batman: The Dark Knight

Don’t really know which one to go with here and will wait and see what people are saying. I currently only read Batman as well as Batman and Robin, but was at one point reading all four. Now that everything is starting over, I have no allegiance to any of the titles, but like to read Batman and will hopefully keep up with at least one of these. Also, I totally thought I used the same image twice, then just realized the artwork for Batman & Robin is quite similar to Batman: The Dark Knight. You assholes.

 

Green Lantern/Red Lanterns

Will definitely be reading Green Lantern, as it is still Geoff Johns, and will hopefully hear some good things about Red Lanterns. Not necessarily the characters themselves that I enjoy, but the idea of their spectrum being based on rage and the angrier they are, the stronger they are really hits close to home. I’ve heard there is a Red Lantern cat though which is bullshit because cats are shitty.

 

Green Arrow

This is one that I want to be good, but will not be surprised if I don’t read it. It looks like Oliver Queen will be younger and “edgier”, and I enjoyed the cranky old liberal with a goatee. Who knows, this book might take that town, but it seems as though he might be shaping up to be more similar to Marvel’s Hawkeye.

 

Birds of Prey

I don’t know too much about these characters, but I like Black Canary, possibly only because I like Green Arrow. Anyways, this is a series I have wanted to start reading for quite some time, but never found an easy enough starting point and just got lazy. Hopefully this will change that.

 

Swamp Thing

 I’ve only ever read some of Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing, but I liked it. I wished I had read more! I’m hoping for monsters having sex with ladies.

 

Justice League Dark

Again, I’ve only ever read some of Hellblazer, but John Constantine seems like a cool dude. And despite the fact that her fishnets now look like she bought them at Hot Topic, I think Zatanna is pretty neat, too. And it’s got “Dark” in the title, which implies that the subject matter will be less bright! Easy decision.

 

Well folks, that’s it. I don’t know when any of these come out, so I guess I’ll resort to just going to my local comic book store and asking what came out that week, and then buying it. Sounds simple enough that even a moron like me won’t be able to fuck it up! 

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“Wizard World? More like Wizard WEIRD!”

August 14, 2011 7 Comments

The above quote was taken directly from my friend Lazer when I asked his opinion of his very first comic book convention. Wizard World – Chicago marked a big step for both of us, with it being his first comic book convention and my first convention where I had press credentials. Believe it or not, I was able to get in for free for the WHOLE weekend thanks to my handy little website. It’s almost like it really counts as something really real! Not wanting to take pictures of myself and posting them online, I instead took pictures of Lazer with Cosplayers in hopes of making him feel awkward. I think it worked!

 

Within minutes of arrival, I had lost sight of Lazer, only to find him sorting through every single vintage G.I. Joe in the box you see pictured. Apparently he is building upon some sort of collection, and was disappointed in both the price they were trying to be sold for, as well as the abundance of the newer versions of these characters. Bullshit.

 

One section of Artist Alley had a guy with a whole bunch of custom LEGO sets that he made, and this Arrested Development scene was pretty creative. As far as why, out of every bit of pop culture that ever existed, someone decided to recreate Arrested Development in LEGO bricks is a question for another time.

 

Immediately before this picture was taken, Spider-Man and Anti-Venom were posing with a young child, joking around with him and giving him high-fives. When I asked if Lazer could get in there, you could hear them groan through their masks at having to take their picture with this man-child.

 

Knowing how awkward females make Lazer, I made it a point to get him in a picture with at least ONE female. Lucky for me, and them, that I found two of them together. Not only does Lazer get uncomfortable around females, but even more uncomfortable around teenage females, so I was scoring lots of bonus points on the game of Awkward Bingo.

 

Jackpot! One of the Cosplayers actually made physical contact with him! And yes, Power Girl might just be a man in a blonde wig. But still, it’s physical contact! Totally counts!

 

I was really hoping to take a picture of people dressed up while they were eating, and I made it a point to talk to people who were at a food table. Sadly, they were more excited to take a picture than eat their overpriced food. Don’t worry though, I did catch Silk Spectre with her cell phone, which is less out of place than Harley Quinn.

 

My press credentials also ensured me a spot at the “Red Carpet V.I.P. Event”. I had no idea what I was doing there, or who I was going to be taking pictures of, but I figured I’d milk my credentials for all they were worth.

 

Sure, the red carpet was small, but I was fucking standing on it! Not that other short bitch who got there AFTER me but asked if she could get in front of me because she was short. Sorry, ya snooze ya lose.

 

I tried to get a moment to ask Vivica A. Fox about her involvement in Independence Day 2 and 3, but unfortunately she had to run off the carpet and onto the set of Booty Call: 2 Fast 2 Furious. There’s always next time.

 

I was this close to talking to the Crazy Babysitter Twins from Robert Rodriguez movies, a.k.a. Elise and Electra Avellan, but then some guy from Brazil hopped in there and started speaking some crazy language. I think it was…Chinese.

 

I’m sure if anyone could remember the names of these actors then they wouldn’t have appeared under the title of “Those kids from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory all grown up and shit”. In case you don’t recognize them, from the left, you see Augustus Gloop, Mike Teevee, Veruca Salt, and Violet Beauregarde. Hey, at least they aren’t dead!

 

Here you can see Chad Lindberg, who was yet another famous person who was looking everywhere but me while I tried to take a picture. He is apparently in a TV show called “Supernatural” which I believe was the reason he was appearing, but I know him better as the guy who had to play a mentally challenged character in the I Spit on Your Grave remake. I was able to talk to him briefly and complimented him on his portrayal, and asked him what the vibe of the set was like. He mentioned

 ”We had to crack jokes because of the intense subject matter…the material, it was the kind of stuff that made the hairs on the back of our necks stand up.”

He also mentioned it was “the most creatively fulfilling role of my career”, so I felt better about bringing it up.

 

You might not recognize who you see in front of you, until I ask you whether or not you’ve seen Hostel. Have you seen Hostel? Okay, good, well, remember those girls that drugged the main characters? Well, this is one of them, otherwise known as actress Barbara Nedeljakova. Before Hostel, I’m sure no one in America knew who she was, and even afterwards, people might not recognize her, but they remember her part. I was able to ask her if she had any that she would be involved with a movie that reinvigorated contemporary horror films.

“Actually, to be honest, I had no idea what was going to happen. It was a really nice surprise to see it turn out to be such a success”

I also asked her what her role coming up in the currently filming “Strippers vs. Werewolves” would be, and if she’d be a stripper or a werewolf. I hate to spoil things for you, but her answer was “both”.

 

That brings my red carpet experience to a close, but that doesn’t mean my Wizard World experience was over. I went back the next day, alone, with no real goal other than to maybe spend a couple bucks and maybe see if anyone I liked was alone to chat with them for a few minutes. Luckily for me, but unluckily for him, I got to ask Ben Templesmith (30 Days of Night/Fell/Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse) a few questions. If you remember my previous experience with Ben, you’ll remember me embarrassing myself in front of him at C2E2. Going along with that trend, I was able to embarrass myself again by accidentally saying “Chronicles of Wormwood” instead of “Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse”. FUCK! ya see, Chronicles of Wormwood was written by Garth Ennis, and didn’t appear until AFTER the first appearances of Gentleman Corpse. As if confusing these two titles wasn’t bad enough, I said the title that came out after Templesmith’s work, and have never even read “Chronicles of” and have read every issue of “Gentleman Corpse”.

 

Ben managed to be a gentleman about it and managed to still let me talk to him a little bit. His most famous work is probably 30 Days of Night, due in part to the fact that it was made into a major motion picture. Rather than talk to him about that movie, I asked if there were any other of his stories he could see making it to the big screen.

“I don’t think like that about Hollywood stuff, that’s a separate beast. I’m concerned more about the comics, and about doing the comics, and making a good comics, and if someone wants to turn that into a movie then more power to them…and they can pay me a lot of money to do so. I hope that my humor comes across there.”

Don’t worry, I understood you were joking, but I wanted to make a point that Ben mentioned not liking interviews that were recorded and transcribed because jokes come across incorrectly. Friendly reminder, the part about lots of money was made in jest. Ben continued:

“I don’t dream of having a certain director work on something, but some properties would suit movies more than others, but it’s a different medium. It’s not about turning something that’s suited for one medium into, necessarily, something for another medium. It’s all about what is suited for that particular medium. Some books should never be a film or a TV show. A lot of comics shouldn’t be movies, they should possibly be TV shows instead. It’s all about how you adapt something. A lot of them are done badly so I don’t even bother thinking about it. I like doing comics for comics.”

I also made sure to bring up bring up Squidgirls: Erotica Tentacular, which, as strangely as it sounds, tastefully combines erotic illustrations of women with, well, squids. It’s hard to describe this book to anyone who is unfamiliar with Templesmith’s work and explain that it’s not what anyone’s expecting. When I asked where he got the idea for it, he simply said:

“I like squids and I like girls.”

Well put.

 

Thus concludes my weekend at Wizard World – Chicago 2011. Special thanks to Lazer, of course, for coming with me, and to the PR people at Wizard World for getting me my credentials. Also thanks to the people I met on the red carpet for chatting with me, and another thanks/apology to Ben Templesmith. However, I did mention while speaking to him that I would guarantee to make myself look like a big asshole, so I guess I was just adhering to my promise.

UPDATE: Just wanted to include pictures of Spidey and his wife dressed as Wormwood and Phoebe Phoenix since he was nice enough to take a picture with Lazer. Well, also because he tracked me down and has been sending harassing emails where he has been threatening my life…JUST KIDDING! Anyways, enjoy some more Cosplay photos, as well as a photo of the pair with Mr. Templesmith himself.


Filed under Comics, Horror Film, Inane Bullshit, Interviews Tagged with , , , , , , ,

Have you guys seen that new Superman guy?! IT LOOKS SO BAD! HAHAHA!!!

August 4, 2011 2 Comments

But just in case you haven’t seen Henry Cavill dressed up as Zack Snyder’s “Man of Steel”…

 

 

It took my about ten minutes to figure out whether or not he was standing in front of a safe or a train, and I guess it’s a safe. Why is his suit covered in fish scales? Is he fucking Aquaman? NO HE’S NOT AQUAMAN. THAT GUY’S ORANGE. Well, maybe this guy actually is orange, but I can’t tell because it’s Zack Fucking Snyder who seems to have a problem with the saturation of EVERY FUCKING MOVIE HE SHOOTS. I mean, his cape is kind of red, I guess, but is that suit even blue? Is the shield yellow? I can’t fucking tell because it looks like shit. To be fair, I don’t really like Superman at all and think this movie will suck, but I guess he is trying to make Superman look like a hardass. I will admit that in Superman Returns when he got shot in the eye by a bullet…well, it was pretty awesome. When you have powers like being bullet-proof, super-strength, super-speed, ice breath and lazer eyes, it’s kind of hard to show them all off without making this guy invincible. One problem is that he practically is fucking invisible and his only weaknesses are kryptonite, which is a physical substance that he can just try to stay away from, and being away from Earth’s yellow sun. I guess if Snyder makes a movie where he is in a kryptonite spaceship flying away from our solar system it might be away to show his vulnerability? I think the only Superman story that I enjoyed was Kingdom Come because Superman realized he wasn’t really what the people of Earth wanted anymore so he became a farmer. I thought that maybe Bryan Singer’s movie would show that a little bit, but rather than taking the tone of everyone moving on without him, it was more focused on people wondering where he had been. I really just hope this movie has slow-motion ninja babes with a modern rock soundtrack.

Filed under Comics, Inane Bullshit Tagged with , , , , , , , ,

Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Does whatever a half-black/half-hispanic teenager can!

August 4, 2011 Leave a comment

 

Wait a second, those aren’t the real lyrics! Dammit, I should start this post over. But ya know what? While we’re on the subject, I’d just like to point out how fucking stupid it is that (racist) people are upset over the new Spider-Man of the “Ultimate” universe, Miles Morales. Let’s take it back a little bit, back to the year 1999. That’s the year that the first X-Men movie was released, which ended up being a huge success for Marvel. Sadly, the box office sales didn’t translate to more people buying comic books, because those people who knew nothing of comics had no idea where to start. The following year, Marvel released two brand new series, which were “Ultimate X-Men” and “Ultimate Spider-Man”. The goal of these was an updated, more contemporary retelling of the origin of these characters, and a way to change up some things that seemed a little wonky in retrospect. Ultimate Spider-Man was the more successful of these series and just recently ended a few months ago with issue #160. Only a few months after the death, it was announced that in this Ultimate universe of Marvel, a new Spider-Man, who wasn’t Peter Parker, was taking his place. That new Spider-Man is Miles Morales, a teenager of both African-American and Hispanic descent. THAT’S WHEN SHIT WENT CRAZY AND RACIST. Lots of comments all over the internet started appearing that started off with “I’m not racist, but…”, and there’s nothing that could follow that statement that didn’t immediately make that person sound racist. I only read the first 20 or so issues of Ultimate Spider-Man, and considering I had been reading Amazing Spider-Man for a while, I didn’t really like it. I didn’t give a shit that he died, I didn’t give a shit that he was being replaced. In my mind, Peter Parker IS Spider-Man, and any other person who puts on the suit isn’t necessarily Spider-Man. The same way I feel that Bruce Wayne is Batman, and even if Dick Grayson wears a Batman suit, it’s not the same thing. Let’s keep in mind that the Ultimate version of this universe was created to do things that you couldn’t do in the normal Marvel world. And even if this was happening in the world of Amazing Spider-Man, there have already been multiple people to have taken up the Spider-Man mantle in Peter’s absence. It reminds me a little bit about the controversy over in Amazing Spider-Man and the writer at the time, J. Michael Straczynski, was ending his run. That last storyline involved most of what had happened in the storyline being reset by about 15-20 years, and then a new writer took over. I understood people being pissed about it, because it took the book into a different direction, with a different creative team, and some people just weren’t interested. As far as with Ultimate Spider-Man, Brian Michael Bendis, the one who created the series, is still going to be the one writing it. WHAT THE FUCK, PEOPLE?! How fucking dare they take a comic book title that was designed to make changes and updates to characters we love so that the original characters we love don’t go through drastic changes, and even though the creator has made this decision and is STILL going to write it, you complain that he’s black/hispanic? Fuck you, you stupid racists. Find other things to complain about.

Filed under Comics, Inane Bullshit Tagged with , , , , , , ,

To all the babies crying about comics lately… (rant about entitlement inside)

July 27, 2011 1 Comment

SHUT. UP. I’m really not sure if there are a bunch of babies crying right now, but it seems like every damn day, Marvel editor Stephen Wacker is posting tweets that he gets from irate fans. It seems that comic book fans are cranky…about something, all the time. Add to that the whole “controversy” over the DC relaunch of all of their titles, and you get a bunch of people acting like stupid babies. I think the biggest problem with any sort of subculture, and possibly every “culture” in general is a sense of entitlement. People think that because they like something that puts them in the minority, they are the only ones who get to enjoy them and the creators of those things better do things the way they want them done. Before we get to comics, which has one too many ways to disappoint fans, let’s try something a little more polarizing: REMAKES. Not even just remakes, but also adaptations. The announcement of pretty much any sort of remake of a movie or adaptation of a comic generally causes an immediate reaction from people of “HEY THAT’S SOMETHING I LIKE, AND HAD NO INVOLVEMENT IN THE CREATION OF, BUT I’M CRANKY FOR WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE DOING WITH IT!” Goddammit. As an example, a movie like John Carpenter’s “The Thing” has a prequel/remake coming out later this year and people are fucking pissed. I’ve loved the movie since I first saw it, which, admittedly, has only been a few years. Imagine how pissed the people are who have loved this movie since it originally came out decades ago finding out that some “new jack” likes the same thing he likes. I’m sure I could do a Google search and find plenty of people who would have that response, and completely dismiss that a classic film that John Carpenter made was FUCKING BASED ON A MOVIE THAT WAS MADE DECADES EARLIER. Not nearly as many people talk about the original as much as the Kurt Russell version, so if people protested what John Carpenter was doing, we wouldn’t have the classic he produced. I understand that this is an exception to the rule, but to me, it shouldn’t matter. I’m sure there are people who love the Adam West Batman movie and were pissed at both the Tim Burton and Christopher Nolan movies which most people would argue were creative and interesting films. So why did I use the word “comics” in the title of this post? It’s all about entitlement. If hearing horror movie fans bitch and moan about people in Hollywood making decisions that they don’t agree with wasn’t bad enough, comic book fans seem to be even worse. Even though characters like Batman or Spider-Man are some of the most well-known characters in the world right now, it’s typically because people have seen movies or cartoons, as opposed to gaining knowledge through the media that spawned these characters. Of course comic book sales fluctuate over the decades, but despite the fact that some of the characters were created before they were even sperm in their father’s balls, comic book readers find the need to insult the people bringing comic books to the forefront of pop culture. I thoroughly enjoy Watchmen and knew that there didn’t need to be a movie based on it. I still went to see the movie, and though it was visually interesting, it felt hollow. Did I furiously type a thesis towards Zack Snyder for how he ruined Watchmen? No. Okay, well of course I talked shit about it here and there, but that’s besides the point. The point is, having a shitty movie based on something I like doesn’t make me enjoy the comic book itself any less. Seeing a shitty Ghost Rider movie didn’t make me enjoy the comics any less. Why can’t people understand that film, TV, and literature are all mediums that existed before these people could vent their frustrations relatively anonymously on the internet? I apologize for using movies as specific examples, but I feel as though that’s a little bit easier to grasp, allowing more people to understand my point. In a few months, every single DC comic book is ending, with many of them starting over from zero. Let’s say, in theory, someone has every single issue of Action Comics ever printed, which is over 900 issues. Just because there will be new numbering on the issues, what’s stopping someone from enjoying all of their 900 issues? How does a title, or different artist, or different writer, or different storyline stop ANYONE from enjoying what they loved so much, other than out of spite? What causes people to send messages of anger to the people who created some of their favorite issues of comic books, proclaiming how they will never buy anything from Marvel ever again, just because the story is going a way that they don’t approve of? Do you think that anyone cares how long you’ve been collecting comic books for or the fact that you’ll never give a company any money? They don’t. For every one person who throws a tantrum and leaves comics behind, there lies the possibility of gaining people who get turned onto comics. This is not at all to say that creators don’t care about their fans, I know they do, but it’s always the people who are cranky that feel their voice needs to be heard because somehow it was THEIR face that was spat upon. But, then again, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH CREATING THE THINGS I ENJOY AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT’S RIGHT OR WHAT’S WRONG. If any company employs people to make executive decisions about their characters or stories, and that person with the decision-making power pitches an idea to kill off every character for good, and other people who work at the company agree with the idea, how do I have any right to start saying mean things about them on the internet? It’s the same kind of insanity that exists with people sitting on their couches talking about what they would do if THEY were the coach of their favorite team, but rather than applying themselves in any way, shape, or form, or left shouting at a television. Maybe the creators of all of these stories know how insane the “fans” are and choose to only highlight the negative ones because if they only showed off the good ones, it might seem like they were bragging. I feel like I might be getting a little off-track or possibly redundant, but ultimately I think all of this boils down to the fact that people who are fans of anything, whether it be music, movies, books, or comics, think that something is owed to them. Nobody owes me anything, because they already gave me hours upon hours of enjoyment. What is comes down to is there’s really just one thing I’d like to say to anyone who had anything, no matter how minimal, to do with creating the movies, comics, TV, and art that have given me hours of entertainment: THANK YOU.

Filed under Comics, Horror Film, Inane Bullshit Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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