The Avengers (2012) [REVIEW]

May 9, 2012 8 Comments

 

Even though I saw this movie three days after it opened, I felt like it might as well have been three weeks after its release. Last summer, there were four superhero movies and I saw every one of them on their opening day, first show of the day. Unfortunately, this just wasn’t possible with The Avengers, but considering that it made over $200 million in three days, I don’t think Marvel really noticed my missing $10. Also, with all the money it made, I don’t really feel like I need to go over the WHOLE plot for you guys because it feels like everyone has already seen it. Instead, just like I did with Iron Man 2, it’s going to be much easier to just go over how well I think each character/actor did in this movie, and that’ll also be a lot more fun for me. Before I do, I suppose I can just briefly say that Loki, as made famous in Thor, also made famous by just being Thor’s brother, uses the “Tesseract”, which all comic book fans should recognize as the Cosmic Cube, to teleport an intergalactic army to destroy the world. In retaliation, Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, the Hulk, Hawkeye, and Black Widow are called together to fight the impending galactic war. Brief enough? Now I get to talk about everybody!

 

Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark/Iron Man

Maybe it’s RDJ’s public personality that gets me kind of annoyed with him and the fact that he is kind of full of himself, but considering his financial and critical success has warranted him being a tad “bragadocious”. I was also nervous that the whole movie would focus on him, considering he’s already got two Iron Man movies under his belt and I always associate Captain America as the leading Avenger. Even though I had these reservations, I was glad to see that Tony Stark didn’t have much more screen time than anyone else, and considering he didn’t have to burden the weight of the whole film on his shoulders, he was able to be a more comical Tony Stark than we’d already seen. Lots of one-liners, jabs at other characters, and an overall tendency to downplay the seriousness of a situation. Steve Rogers even called him out on the fact that he was self-centered and narcissistic, which made me nervous that there’d be a scene where Steve Rogers would have to say some “You really are a hero!” bullshit, but we were spared. Even though Iron Man was a key part of defeating the aliens, nobody made a big deal out of it, which really fits in with the Tony Stark I know. That despite no matter how many successes he might have, he’s still kind of an egotistical prick and nobody wants to pay him ANY compliments.

 

Chris Evans as Steve Rogers/Captain America

I love Captain America. Call me old-fashioned for loving America, and I’ll call you a goddamned Communist. What I love about his character is that he ALWAYS knows what is right, and does everything in his power to stand up for it. Whether it was in the Civil War storyline where he had to allow himself to be arrested or sacrificing himself at the end of Captain America: The First Avenger, he knows what to do and doesn’t hesitate. One scene in particular near the end of the film, despite not being the most powerful member of the team, he told everyone exactly what to do and exactly when to do it, and everyone fell into rank. They knew that this guy had fought evil incarnate in World War II and trust him with everything. Whether he was breaking up a fight between Thor and Iron Man or jumping across the helicarrier to literally SMACK a grenade out of the air to protect Stark, Cap really proved that he’s more than just a science experiment. I also stand by my opinion that Chris Evans is handsome enough and funny enough to put him into any superhero outfit and do a great job.

 

Chris Hemsworth as Thor

Remember how I mentioned that the Thor movie really only served as a stepping stone to build up to The Avengers? Boy howdy, was I right. Even though Thor wasn’t the best superhero movie last summer, it introduced you to a regal character who lives in a world completely removed from and much more vast than anything us humans on Earth could even wrap our heads around. He proves himself not only wise in the way he tries to handle Loki and his desire to merely take him back to Asgard, but also showed how powerful and essentially God-like when he knocks Hulk on his ass with one punch or summons lightning to vaporize and shit ton of aliens. I’d say that in films, just like in the comics, Thor works much better as a supporting cast member than as a the major player. He could basically solve everything problem with a giant hammer and some lightning.

 

Tom Hiddleston as Loki

You might have found Loki to be a quivering, whining prick in Thor, so imagine how big of a douchebag he got after floating around the universe with nothing but the thought of vengeance in mind? They were able to play up the “God of Mischief” aspect much more in this movie as we saw how easy it was for him to manipulate humans, rather than in Thor and he was just playing tricks on his brother. We were able to see how cowardly he was and knew he wasn’t nearly as powerful as any one of the Avengers and had to call on someone else’s army to fight for him. He strategically manipulated every character to feed off of one another’s insecurities, and even though he wasn’t physically some sort of powerhouse, you could see how annoying he could be to deal with. Hiddleston was also showing some vulnerability as an adopted son who never received the love of his father, and even though you knew he was the villain, had a tiny bit of sympathy for his situation.

 

Mark Ruffalo as Dr. Bruce Banner/the Hulk

This was the part of the movie I was most worried about, considering that after two movies based on Hulk, there’s yet to be a successful incarnation of him on film. The thing about this character that people want to see most is actually what’s easiest to put on the big screen, which is a big green monster destroying everything. The more interesting parts of the character are figuring out how he deals with this timebomb that’s inside of him and the effect it had on his psychological state. Luckily, through the nature of this being an ensemble film, Dr. Banner was only used in small doses, mostly to show off his level of intelligence. There were a few scenes between Dr. Banner and Tony Stark that were really fun to watch, because they both felt like they had found an intellectual peer and playmate. When Dr. Banner left and Hulk showed up, obviously it was fucking awesome. HE SMASHED EVERYTHING. I went get into everything he smashed, but the smashing scenes were fun. I also kept doing double-takes when a character said “Banner” because I thought our dog might be in the theater.

 

Scarlett Johansson as Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow

I made a pretty bold claim with Iron Man 2 which was that Scarlett Johansson was a good choice to play Black Widow AND that she was one of the best parts of that movie, but most people thought I was just distracted by her tits. I suppose there might be a little truth to that, but just because she was good in this role doesn’t mean I think she’s a good actress. In fact, I think she’s not a good actress and every other movie I’ve seen her in she just seems distant and emotionally apathetic to everything going on around her. Luckily, while portraying a Russian assassin and spy, having an outward appearance of not giving a shit about anything or being emotionally involved in anything going on, things work out pretty well. Granted, in this movie, she had a few moments that seemed a little too superhuman and far-fetched in regards to her abilities, but it was really only one sequence so I can forgive her. Mostly because of, well, you know, boobs.

 

Jeremy Renner as Clint Barton/Hawkeye

Having only really appeared as a silhouette in Thor and having no other film appearances, Hawkeye was obviously going to be a tough sell as an Avenger. Rather than try to give him a long backstory, we instead spend most of the film seeing Barton as a villain who is having his mind controlled by Loki. One reason I really liked them doing this was that it removed the need for a backstory because all you saw was Hawkeye being a badass with a bow and arrow and showing of a multitude of different trick arrows. Another reason I liked this was because in the Marvel Universe, Hawkeye was introduced as a villain. He might have only been a villain for three issues before joining the Avengers, but still, it’s something that’s constantly referenced in the books and I think that using him as a villain for the first half of the movie not only showed you his abilities, but also made you enjoy the heroic things he was doing that much more. Two things I didn’t like, however, was the fact that the mind control he was under was undone by Black Widow just punching him a whole bunch, and I figured Loki’s spells would be a little more powerful. I also think that Hawkeye should have been played by Alan Alda, but I guess Jeremy Renner was an acceptable substitute.

 

Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury

Although I thought his cameo in Iron Man was pretty cool, the other times this incarnation of Nick Fury haven’t been as faithful to the character as I had liked. Granted, that basically means I didn’t really care for his scenes in Iron Man 2, but Samuel L. Jackson is a character on his own. He has a reputation of coming across like a badass, but also being really funny, talented, and can deliver these badass lines or insults while adding a smirk to the end of them to let you know he’s just fucking with you. The Nick Fury I wanted to see wasn’t a jokester or anything other than a grizzled war veteran who has gone to Hell and back to ensure the safety of the country he so loves to defend. It’s almost like he has the heart of Captain America but with the skills of Black Widow. Well, maybe not the bazongas of Black Widow, but the covert spy stuff. Lucky for me, they toned down Fury’s interactions with the team so you knew he was the one in charge and wasn’t taking shit from anybody. There was also a scene that involved him motivating the team by showing them something taken out of a dead agent’s coat, but once the team leaves, another character pointed out that they weren’t actually in his coat, but in the agent’s locker. This showed that Fury was willing to do anything and everything to get the reaction from people that he knew had to be sparked in them, even if that meant lying to them. His role in this film definitely made up for the doubts I had going into it.

 

Clark Gregg as Agent Phil Coulson

Someone who was introduced a few years ago to plant the seed of what S.H.I.E.L.D was and where all these Marvel movies were going, Agent Coulson has become a loved character to many fans. Even though he is typically only in Marvel movies delivering half a dozen lines, those lines are well-timed with great delivery by Gregg, even giving Robert Downey Jr. a run for his money in a few scenes. We got that sense from Coulson again in Avengers, and adding in the obsession that a S.H.I.E.L.D agent would clearly have for Captain America, the fanboy moments between Coulson and Steve Rogers were really charming and endearing. And congratulations to Mr. Gregg for having the character take a permanent seat in the Marvel Universe in not just films, but being introduced into the comics as well!

 

Cobie Smulders as Agent Maria Hill

If there’s one show I hate hearing people tell me is funny, it’s The Big Bang Theory. If there’s two shows that I hate hearing people tell me is funny, it’s The Big Bang Theory and How I Met You Mother. Knowing that Smulders was on that show, I figured the only reason she landed the role was to get audiences of that show interested. Lucky for me, I was wrong. DEAD WRONG! Well, not dead wrong, but I wanted to say that. Maria Hill is a tough character because she is essentially Nick Fury’s right-hand man, but considering she is younger and a female, the relationship could easily fall into a stereotype. This is typically avoided, and I always viewed the Nick Fury/Maria Hill relationship to be a lot like the Yoda/Luke Skywalker relationship in The Empire Strikes Back. We know that the apprentice can clearly handle their shit, but they still also have a lot to learn. We saw Maria Hill questioning Fury on his actions, even doubting his choices, but knew her rank and never opposed his views, clearly knowing that he was the director of S.H.I.E.L.D. for a reason. She handled what she needed to handle and stepped up when necessary, letting the audience know that she’s be okay in the event that Fury was ever compromised and she would have to take the reins.

 

 

In  short, EVERYONE DID A GOOD JOB IN VARYING DEGREES. Wow, I could have just said that instead of typing up all those other things. I knew this movie was going to be good. Everyone knew this movie was going to be good. In fact, I’d even say this movie was a GREAT superhero movie. As far as things I didn’t like, I’d say there were only two issues, maybe only one and a half…AND THEY’RE ONLY ISSUES! Let me clarify: I had ZERO problems with this movie. One issue was that I was disappointed that nobody ever shouted “AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!”, but considering this was their very first gathering, I could understand that not showing up naturally. I guess I hoped that in the epilogue, after all of the action, Fury would have mentioned assembling in some way. I know that any lines of dialogue I could come up with right now would be cheesy, but Joss Whedon is a much better writer than I am and I guess I hoped he had found a natural way to slip that in. The other issue was that even though this was a great superhero movie, it was just that…a great SUPERHERO movie. This movie won’t win any Oscars, any acting or directing awards, or be recognized with any other outstanding achievements. This movie is by no means a bad movie, not by a long shot. It was a witty, smart, action-packed, fist-pumping, stand up in your seat and high-five your friends FUN movie. After seeing the trailer for Prometheus and The Dark Knight Rises, it was hard to thing of The Avengers as being any sort of game-changer in the superhero genre. I’m also not saying that this movie needed to change the way we view superhero movies, it just felt very safe. Safe isn’t bad, safe is good! That’s why people where helmets and seatbelts! For some reason, which I can’t quite put my finger on, I kept having flashbacks to when I first saw Independence Day. Maybe it was because it was just a big, fun summer movie, or the fact that there were alien invaders, or the fact that you knew the good guys would win, I had the same excited feelings for The Avengers as I had almost twenty years ago with Will Smith. Whether you’re a comic book fan or not, you will have fun with this movie, and even though we spent close to two and a half hours watching this movie, this only felt like the beginning. I was totally willing to watch these characters interacting with another for two and a half more hours, just to see what kind of trouble they’d get into. Oh yeah, and I think I predicted a few years ago how closely this movie would mirror the events of The Ultimates comic book series, and I am glad to know I was right. What the fuck are these Chitauri aliens? JUST CALL THEM GODDAMNED SKRULLS AND BE DONE WITH IT!

 

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Melancholia (2011) [REVIEW]

January 3, 2012 4 Comments

 

What better way to ring in the year that our world is supposed to end than to review a movie where the world really does end! Whoops, spoiler alert. No, not really a spoiler alert, because I’m pretty sure that in the trailer they let you know we’re doomed. Considered by some to be one of the best movies of 2011, it was also surrounded by some of the most controversy, thanks to the ever outspoken director Lars von Trier. At the Cannes Film Festival, there was a press conference to promote the film where some of von Trier’s awkward answers made him sound like a Nazi sympathizer, escalating to the point of claiming to be a Nazi, resulting in him not being allowed to attend the rest of the festival. He’s a German, in France, holding a press conference in English. Not to say that he should be absolved of what he said, but give me a fucking break. From watching the footage, it’s obvious that he was trying to make an inappropriate joke that didn’t go over well, admitted it wasn’t going over well, which dug him deeper into a hole. This wasn’t a Michael Richards situation, this was a guy trying to make a joke that didn’t go over well, and rather than changing the subject, turned the ridicule on himself. I’ve been there plenty of times, when I make a joke that is appropriate (but usually inappropriate), and when it doesn’t go over well end up making myself look worse. And that’s when I’m speaking English to people who also speak English! That language barrier seemed to fuck up the intended humor and self-deprecating intent and now he’s never doing press conferences again. Thanks a lot, France! By the way, in addition to knowing the world ends, there’ll be some spoilers coming up, and I recommend skipping my review and just watching the movie because I thought it was awesome.

 

Friendly reminder: the Earth gets smashed.

The first few moments of this movie we see some surreal images that foreshadow what we’ll see in the rest of the film. Lots of images of Justine (Kirsten Dunst) being sad and trudging through mud, weird weather effects, and a planet crashing into Earth and completely obliterating it. The title card pops on screen, then we start “Chapter 1″ of the film, which is titled “Justine”. Justine has just gotten married and is on her way to her own reception with her new husband Michael (Alexander Skarsgård). When the pair arrive, they are yelled at by Justine’s sister Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) and her husband John (Keifer Sutherland), which is understandable because they were the ones paying for it. The next hour of the film reveals that Justine has been struggling with depression and is doing her best to hold it back on even this, her supposed day of celebration. She manages to remain completely cold and distant to her new husband, tell off her boss, who then fires her, as well as having sex with someone she just met. The night ends with the pair going their separate ways, and everyone is pretty much just bummed out or angry about life sucking.

 

How can you be sad while dancing around with John Hurt!?

 

This is when we jump to Chapter 2, entitled “Claire”. Early on in Chapter 1 the characters noticed some sort of bright star or planet or something in the sky and John, a scientist, mentions it’s peculiar, but not in any sort of ominous way. We learn in Chapter 2 that this light is a planet called “Melancholia” that is supposed to swing past Earth, but miss it completely. This doesn’t stop Claire from getting really worked up over it, leaving John to be the one calming her down. Considering the huge depression Justine sinks into because of the incidents at the wedding, she becomes Claire’s responsibility for the time being. For the entirety of this chapter, Justine is either asleep or acting like a bitch towards everyone. I guess single-handedly destroying your own wedding hours after getting married does that to you, which would also explain why Claire found pills that would cause someone to overdose and die if they were taken. As Melancholia approaches, everyone gathers to watch it get closer and closer, then eventually further and further away. After seeing John scrawling some things in a notebook, we see Claire go searching for him. She uses a toy her son made that he was using to measure how close Melancholia was to Earth and becomes upset when it appears to be coming back towards Earth. When she ultimately finds John, it is in a barn, where he’s died from an overdose on Justine’s pills. having this confirm her worst fears, she tries to make peace with her sister and provide her son with a peaceful few hours, their last on Earth. The planet gets closer and closer, and Justine, Claire, and Claire’s son all sit down inside a small fort they’ve made with sticks as they wait for Melancholia to completely obliterate the planet, which we ultimately see it do firsthand.

 

Does that telescope shoot planet-destroying lazers? No? Then you’re fucked.

 

Goddamn you, Lars, and your ability to crush everyone’s souls. Although I wouldn’t say I “liked” his previous films, they have certainly had an impact on me. I really would like to say that Melancholia was actually two separate films, considering the difference in subject matter in each chapter, but I don’t think either would have the same impact were they not viewed together. At least in terms of visuals, especially with his work on Antichrist, I think von Trier is incredibly talented. Watching his take on the apocalyptic/sci-fi subject matter of this film, it reminded me of feelings I had when I first saw Danny Boyle’s foray into sci-fi with Sunshine. Even though the opening sequence didn’t have the same exact shots being recreated later in the film, it let you know the tone of the film with all of its strange, haunting, and surreal imagery. From lightning shooting off of Justine’s fingers to a horse sinking into the Earth, you knew that you were about to endure a slow struggle for happiness, that despite moments of happiness or excitement, these things were just harbingers of the eventual end of all things. The mixing of the sound is also something to make note of, as the musical segments of a wedding reception in Chapter 1 to the ominous, deafening, crushing sounds of a planet swooping past our own, only to slingshot back to completely destroy it. Pretty fucking intense stuff.

 

Whoops, forgot to mention this takes place on Tattooine. Hahaha, just kidding, Tattooine has two SUNS, not two MOONS you idiots!

 

Even after all the controversy at Cannes, Dunst was able to walk away with the Best Actress Award for her performance. While glancing over her filmography, I see that she’s been in multiple movies every single year since 1994, when she was 12 years old. Having seen her grow up on film, she’s always had the whole “girl next door” vibe to her, that is, if your next door neighbor was exceptionally attractive. It really wasn’t until Spider-Man in 2002 (where she played the girl next door who was exceptionally attractive) that she became a household name, and seems to have played that type of character ever since this. The first choice for the character of Justine and the actress who had helped develop the movie with von Trier was Penelope Cruz, who dropped out to do Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. I couldn’t help but watch every single scene thinking of how Cruz would have fared, and made me really want to see how that film would have turned out. Despite being constantly compared to another actress, I still think Dunst was able to stand out, even though she wasn’t necessarily stepping too far out of her comfort zone. The first half of the movie took you through a range of emotions, thinking everything from her being a self-centered bitch, to feeling sympathy for her sadness, to rage at cheating on her new husband, to pity on a character who was hellbent on self-destruction. The second half really belongs to Gainsbourg for showing the sympathetic vulnerability of a person who is willing to sacrifice themselves if it means helping someone they care about. Certainly a far stretch from her role in Antichrist and featured far less genital mutilation. The entire supporting cast was great also, from Sutherland, to Stellan Skarsgård who played Justine’s boss, to John Hurt as Justine and Claire’s father, and even the wedding planner, played by Udo Kier, was a hilarious juxtaposition from his typical roles of “scary German guy”.

 

Kirsten Dunst’s boobs and wolves. I know that’s what everybody came here for. I only mildly edited the original image, and I apologize for delving into the “NSFW” realm.

 

But the question remains: did any of this actually happen? Von Trier has said that the intent of his film was to examine the human psyche when confronted with disaster, and he himself was battling with depression while developing and making this film. Could one interpretation of what happens in the film be that Justine is so overwhelmed with sadness and depression that she manifests the end of the world herself? Maybe that “star” she saw at her wedding really was just a star, but through the events that transpired on her wedding night, she hoped for it to be another planet hurtling towards Earth. Some would argue that this could negate the whole point of the film, having it take place inside one character’s head, and other could argue this theory would only emphasize how omnipresent and powerful a force depression can be for someone. Something that could back that theory up has to do with a bit of dialogue that’s repeated multiple times. John’s character mentions there being 18 holes on his golf course a few times, yet when Claire realizes that Melancholia is going to hit Earth, she tries to escape on a golf cart with her son. Sadly, that golf cart stops working at hole 19. Is this symbolizing a break in reality? Is any of this actually happening? Do these events lose importance for the audience if it’s all happening in Justine’s head? I don’t think so. Whether you take this film in its most literal sense, which would be a group of characters last moments on Earth, or the more symbolic idea that depression can make someone feel like the world is ending and embraces that end with peace, I find it to be a powerful piece of work.  I wish I had seen this movie in 2011 so i could have included it in my list of favorite movies, but I guess it is stuck with this super-long review instead. Oh, and even though I liked it, it’s still no Armageddon. I mean, come on! Steve Buscemi AND Ben Affleck?! When Affleck is crying because Bruce Willis is staying on the meteor?! Now THAT is some fucking ART! That’s so much art that it makes Melancholia look like a piece of FART.

 

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Drive (2011) [REVIEW]

September 18, 2011 3 Comments

 

I’ve been flip-flopping over the past day on whether or not to review this movie. I watched it in chunks while working at the movie theater, and I might have missed a grand total of about ten minutes of it, and those minutes were in the beginning and middle. I feel as though I saw enough of it to have a relatively strong opinion of it, compared to a lot of other movies I kind of half-watched, but was still pissed at myself for missing some of it. I figured that since Wolfgang and I agreed on enjoying the movie, I’d give you guys a full review of it, rather than one of those half-assed reviews i’ve been putting up lately. As a warning, there will be spoilers, so if you’re interested in this movie, I recommend seeing it and then coming back to read this review.

 

The first step in my process of becoming Ryan Gosling will be to buy some of them gloves. That’s a good starting point, right?

 

Ryan Gosling plays the character named “Driver”, not to be confused with the actress Minnie Driver. I don’t think they’re related? Anyways, Gosling is a driver for both illegal activities as well as for stunts in major motion pictures. He sparks a somewhat intimate relationship with his neighbor, played by Carey Mulligan, whose husband is in prison. Sadly for the two, the husband is released early, but hasn’t been able to keep his criminal past behind him. The husband is pressured into doing one last robbery, and Gosling offers his assistance in order to make sure that nothing happens to the family. The robbery results in the husband getting shot, and now Gosling has a million dollars, which he wants nothing to do with. The rest of the film shows Gosling figuring out whose money it is, how to give it back, and how to cut all ties to the events that happened, as well as wanting to ensure the safety of Mulligan’s character and her son. Rather than type out the ending right here, since it’s not some big action sequence or anything, I’m going to cut this part short and say it doesn’t end quite the way you expect.

 

Always good to see Bryan Cranston with hair.

 

Unfortunately this is one of those movies that the more and more someone tries to defend, the more and more pretentious that person sounds. Throwing around terms like “neo-noir”, ”art house film”, or “avant-garde” tell nothing about the movie, but rather confuse and annoy the person who hears these terms. There’s such a vague idea of what elements are present in films with those descriptive terms that I don’t feel it’s fair to say any of those movies should be considered a genre. The strange thing is, I can’t really describe the tone of this movie other than using those words, so it’s a contradiction. One thing I can point out is that there isn’t really one element of this movie that stands out as far as why it’s so entertaining. The characters, the direction, the story, etc. are all relatively generic, but it’s really the combination of all these things that build the atmosphere of Drive. Remove one thing from the equation and the whole house of cards would come crumbling.

 

Christina Hendricks showed us her rare talent of going from classy to skanky more quickly than the car in this film goes from 0 to 60.

 

Friendly reminder: I KNOW THAT THIS ISN’T A UNIQUE, OR ORIGINAL MOVIE, AND IT BORROWED TONS OF THINGS FROM OTHER MOVIES. Ryan Gosling was awesome, as usual, as someone who seemed to be completely detached from and apathetic to reality. You got a sense of mania building right under the surface, you just didn’t know when it would surface. Considering this movie had the disclaimer of “strong brutal, bloody violence”, I was a little nervous for the first hour, but then when we had our first Gosling outburst, it scared the shit out of me. And that was only a verbal outburst, which was clearly only hinting at what was brewing below the surface. Which reminds me, there’s really only about half a dozen scenes of violence, but considering the director consulted Gaspar Noé, director of Irreversible, the intensity was based on the realism of the violence as opposed to frequency. I found it kind of amusing that three members of the supporting cast could be described as “That guy from Breaking Bad”, “That guy from Sons of Anarchy”, or “That girl from Mad Men”. Of course you know that I meant Bryan Cranston, Ron Perlman, and Christina Hendricks, but none of their characters had that many lines. The biggest, and probably most important role in this movie was the city of L.A. itself. The crime, the anonymity, the glamour, all came together and made it seem as though this story and these characters could only exist there and nowhere else. The use of cell phones obviously made us aware that it was contemporary L.A., but the gloss over everything, from the character’s wardrobes to all of the musical choices gave a feeling of shallowness and sleaze to everything that was going on, and added an element of cheese to Gosling’s character.

 

SPOILER ALERT: He doesn’t hammer the nail into the guys head. Which is good, because I learned from Mythbusters that it wouldn’t have worked anyway.

 

Ultimately I’d have to say that this movie worked well because of the elements it borrowed from other films and they way they were incorporated and the juxtaposition it caused. The credits themselves were even bright pink, in a font that reminded you or something like Sixteen Candles. The plot of this movie sounds like something that Charles Bronson or Patrick Swayze could have been in, and those names aren’t regularly used along with the term “noir”. This film managed to not only leave you with a sense of hope, showing how Gosling was so driven to do what needed to be done, but also left you with a feeling of hopelessness, as to say that this film didn’t quite have a happy ending. And can you believe that for a movie called “Drive”, there are barely any car chases? Fine with me! I’d say that if you took musical cues and sense of real world detachment from Lars and the Real Girl, give him an intense desire for revenge like Old Boy, and the plot of something like Death Wish, and you get this movie. And I can’t wait to see it again and see if I like it even more.

 

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My Favorite Pixar Films

September 13, 2011 3 Comments

You already think I’ve gone soft, haven’t you? HAVEN’T YOU?! Well, that’s assuming I was hard in the first place, and–nevermind just realized I am too immature to finish this narrative without making boner references. Speaking with a coworker the other day about Pixar films and thinking about how I enjoy making lists on this site, I figure I’d give you guys a little glimpse into what my favorite Pixar films are. I normally do “Top 5″ of things when I make lists, but I don’t think there are enough Pixar movies yet to constitute picking my 5 favorite. There’s only been 12 films so far, so I would really just be saying which half I like more. Without further ado, and in no particular order…wait, chronological order. That’s how I’ll do it.

1) Toy Story (1995)

I suppose that this is an obvious choice, considering it was the movie that started it all. This movie was also one of the first movies I went to see in theaters without family members, and I think I went opening day. It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, so it was a half day, and I went to a theater that I ended up working at. I also think that from all the birthday money I had gotten that year I bought a bunch of Toy Story shit, and got a lot of Toy Story shit for Christmas. I understand that this makes me sound like a baby, but 15 years later I still buy toys, so don’t let that confuse you. It could be argued that any film in the Toy Story trilogy is just as good or better than any other of the films, but rather than deciding between which one is best, this one wins as a nostalgic level. Also, this is the only one that Joss Whedon was involved in, so bonus points for that.

 

2) The Incredibles (2004)

Although I didn’t quite realize it at the time, this film kind of blew my mind. I think I initially wrote it off as being not as good as the others, but after seeing it again…and again…and again, I realized that the reason it stood out was because this was the first non-kid oriented movie. Granted, it’s still a kid’s movie, I’m not saying it’s not appropriate for kids, but this was the first PG rated Pixar movie. CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING COMPREHEND THAT?! No longer was Pixar making movies for General audiences, they demanded that children have Parental Guidance with this film. You see a dead body, superheroes and henchmen alike DIE, and the main character is a middle-aged guy whose personal and professional life have fallen apart after the legal repercussions of his heroic actions. That was probably WAAAAY over the heads of kids, and other than maybe the opening segment of Up or the climax of Toy Story 3, this film takes the cake as far as most adult-oriented content. It comes as no surprise that this film was directed by brad bird, who five years earlier directed The Iron Giant, which is another one of my favorite animated movies.

 

3) WALL-E (2008)

Have I mentioned enough times on this blog the fact that I saw this movie, hesitantly, at its midnight release? Because I did. And it was one of the best mistakes I’ve ever made. THERE’S NO FUCKING DIALOGUE FOR THIRTY MINUTES. Yes, there are characters interacting with one another through primitive communication, but even that is limited to only about a dozen words. Obviously the fact that they can keep kids and adults thoroughly engaged in what’s going on with no dialogue is impressive, but that’s only where it starts. The film continues to tell a love story about two robots, while also projecting where humankind is heading, and that means we’re going to be fat pieces of shit who have ruined the planet and have to live in outer space. It does have one or two lines that are a little heavy-handed about the message it’s trying to make, but even with those lines, WALL-E manages to show a pessimistic outlook on life and how terrible the human species is. Also, there are lots of funny scenes where robots make noises at one another.

 

I’d also like to give an honorary mention to Up because that movie is also pretty grim, from the barren uterus of the main character’s wife, to her untimely death and resulting depression, and a side of parental abandonment. It does also have a main character that’s a dog, so that’s pretty awesome. I guess I just didn’t feel right making a “Top 4″, and I don’t think I like Up more than anything I already listed. I will say that I don’t like Monsters Inc. nearly as much as most people do, and everyone agrees that Cars is a piece of shit, and its sequel is the first Pixar movie I haven’t seen in theaters. Okay I’m wrong, I chose going to see Antz over A Bug’s Life, but Cars 2 just looked awful. Ratatouille is pretty good too, but takes a few viewings to really grow on you, and doesn’t really seem like a kids’ movie. Maybe next year’s Brave will be pretty good, or at least I hope it will be, because after that we get another installment of those Monsters Inc. guys in Monsters University. And even though it’s not technically a Pixar movie, I definitely recommend watching the documentary about those guys, “The Pixar Story”, to really appreciate every step they took along the way and how if one thing had changed even slightly, they wouldn’t be anywhere near what they are today.

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Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) [REVIEW]

July 22, 2011 Leave a comment

I had started defending this movie from the moment I found out Chris Evans was cast. With Captain America being one of my favorite characters, mostly due in part to Ed Brubaker’s writing, I had every reason to be hesitant. After hearing the news about his casting an after watching the movie “Sunshine” a shit ton of times, I was really looking forward to every detail that was released. From the first snapshots taken on set, to the first official images, to the first poster, to the first trailer, all I felt was…”meh”. Really wasn’t too impressed, no matter how badly I wanted to be. Despite the fact that I wasn’t too impressed by anything I had seen, knowing the influence of comic book creators on the film, I knew that it just HAD to be good. Lucky for me, I was right. I was right as shit.

Aww, he’s just a wittle guy!

In early 1940′s Brooklyn, there’s a skinny kid with health problems that consistently prevent him from entering the Army, and that kid’s name is Steve Rogers. After a scientist overhears the fact that he continually tries and is rejected, he is offered the opportunity to enlist, thanks to an experimental division. After all the possible candidates for “Operation: Rebirth”, it is determined that Rogers is the best candidate for the procedure, because what he lacks in physical prowess, he more than makes up for in dedication, courage, and a sense of what’s right. The procedure is a success and he is transformed into a super soldier, but sadly, the one person who held the secret to the experiment was killed by a spy during the procedure. I should also explain that there was one other success in this project, but it was being conducted in Germany with the scientific division of the Nazis, and that man was Johann Schmidt, played by Hugo Weaving. The serum is intended to unlock the latent potential in an individual, and in Rogers’ case, it made him a super soldier, but with Schmidt, it gave him super-strength in addition to a bright red skull for a head. Some might call him “Red Skull” because of how much those physical characteristics make him stand out of a crowd. From the birth of Red Skull onward, the film focuses on the evil, scientific division of the Nazis that refer to themselves as “Hydra”, rather than making the bad guys straight-up Nazis. Apparently the Nazis have had it hard enough as it is. Steve’s ranking officer, Colonel Chester Phillips, played by Tommy Lee Jones, doesn’t seem to give a shit about the success and considers the project a mistake, but luckily Steve gets the opportunity to show his strength and power as a mascot known as “Captain America” in order to raise funds through USO shows across the country.

It just looks like someone went into Photoshop and found the Muscles tool and cranked that shit up as high as it would go

Despite the success that Captain America has, his routine falls a little short when he travels to visit the soldiers involved in World War II. When Rogers hears of a fellow soldiers, including his childhood friend James “Bucky” Barnes, played by Sebastian Stan, Steve takes it upon himself to single-handedly make his way behind Hydra lines to rescue them. After Colonel Phillips sees the success of Rogers, he allows him to take a squad of soldiers, which include Bucky, to go on all sorts of awesome, crazy, Hydra killing missions. Even though the team accomplishes a lot, he unfortunately can’t prevent Bucky from dying on one of these missions. Realizing the severity of the situation, as well as learning of Red Skull’s plan to harness the energy of an extremely powerful, mystical object known as the “Cosmic Cube”, Captain America really steps up his game. After learning that Red Skull is going to try to destroy practically the entire eastern seaboard, Rogers is able to finally catch up to Red Skull, and getting too overwhelmed by the power of the Cosmic Cube, he is “destroyed”…or something. Being the only one who can stop the plane, Steve takes it upon himself to crash the plane into the Arctic Ocean, rather than allow it to destroy all the cities in America. He “dies”, and everyone is sad. However, we then see Steve wake up in a bed, supposedly in the 1940′s. BUT…after freaking out and realizing it is a trick, Steve escapes into the middle of present day Times Square, and then Nick Fury, played by Samuel L. Jackson, says something along the lines of “Are you ready to be in an Avengers movie next summer?”

You guys forgot that this actress was British and has one of those guns that blows things up behind her! You idiots!

The most effective scene in the entire movie when it comes to solidifying Captain America/Steve Rogers is one that you can see in the trailer. When Colonel Phillips tosses a “live” grenade into a group of soldiers at boot camp, everyone runs away, except for Steve, who dives on top of it to try to save other people. That was an effective scene in the trailer, and is just as effective in the movie. It’s difficult to try to explain why Captain America is such an enjoyable character, and it’s that state-of-mind, that self-sacrifice, that courage is what drives him and everything he does. Chris Evans was able to really capture that essence in the ways I knew he would. He was funny when he needed to be, vulnerable when he needed to be, and beat the shit out of Nazis when he had to. Oh, and by the way, I’m just going to make things easier for myself and refer to all of the bad guys as Nazis. What was I saying? Oh yes, Evans was awesome at punching Nazis. In fact, all of the actors and actresses were really enjoyable in this movie, and despite not naming her earlier, I’d like to point out that Hayley Atwell was good as Peggy Carter. My one complaint with Steve Rogers, and it was something that couldn’t be avoided, was when Steve was a scrawny kid before the experience. I’d say he is small for 30% of the movie, and half of that time it is pulled off really well, the other time things looked kind of weird. Unfortunately, that was the nature of the beast, and it certainly had to be a more drastic difference in size with this film than something like Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man. Other than that, all of the effects were really convincing, and the “gloss”, if you will, of everything really added to the sense that this movie took place in the 40′s as opposed to present day.

A little bit of trivia is that this is the first film that Hugo Weaving didn’t require any makeup for

There were quite a few instances where the comic book nerdery came out and I would internally say “OH MAN IT’S THAT GUY FROM THAT THING THAT HAPPENED ONE TIME”, but I prefer not to mention them all. I can’t help but point out one of my biggest delights, which was knowing that Captain America’s secret squad was actually the Howling Commandos, which included Dum Dum Dugan. Seeing Dum Dum getting broken out of the Nazi camp was awesome, and seeing the Howling Commandos so their thing, despite not being called that, was still great. Another moment was also seeing the actual first issue of Captain America, featuring him punching Hitler in the face, being used as part of the USO campaign that Rogers was involved in. One thing that I think made this film standout from all the other Marvel films was the passage of time. Most other stories have involved a series of events taking place that are all directly related to one another, and Event A causes Event B which causes Event C, and the movie’s over. The time between Operation: Rebirth to the first time Steve fights Nazis is over a year, and once he takes charge of the Howling Commandos, we only see a montage of some of their missions, which we are to assume takes place over weeks, if not months. I guess it just kind of helped show Cap as a symbol of good who is continually proving himself, rather than someone who gets kind of thrown into things.

I’m still trying to figure out what that “A” on his helmet stands for. I mean, his name is Steve! There’s no “A” in Steve!

The reason I feel that I didn’t have high hopes for this movie is because nothing can really be adequately be captured in a few seconds for a trailer. The trailer shows quite a few scenes of him running and jumping, but it’s all out of context and not that impressive. I remember saying about the Incredible Hulk movie that one of the best part was seeing Tim Roth’s character run faster, jump higher, and hit harder than everyone else, which is what the appeal of the action sequences were in this film. I could probably watch Captain America beat the hit out of Nazis all day. He punches a guy, throw his shield at a bunch of guys, hit them all, drop kick a guy in the chest, then jump over a tank, then catch his shield, then smash someone with it. That might not be EXACTLY what happens, but close enough. Just to reiterate, I was nervous the action scenes wouldn’t be cool because of the trailer, but they were all awesome. Similar to Thor, this movie served as a prologue to the upcoming Avengers film, but this film was far more entertaining than that one was. It was slow in parts, but once it picked up, I just didn’t want it to stop. Thor was a little anticlimactic, or at least, you only recognized the film as a first step towards the Avengers movie, whereas this movie felt like a complete story that could stand on its own. Well, except for maybe the whole waking up in present day thing, which could have been confusing. I think this might be the first superhero movie I’ve seen since the first X-Men that made me want to go out later that night to see it for a second time. Instead, I’m writing this review to encourage you all to go see this movie, then punch some Nazis in the face.

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X-Men: First Class (2011) [REVIEW]

June 4, 2011 18 Comments

 

Despite my allegiance typically falling to Captain America in comics, this movie was probably the comic book movie I was most looking forward to this summer, after having the most doubts. Seeing how often Marvel had been knocking things out of the park while producing their own films, and remembering how shitty that Wolverine movie was, you can’t blame me for being a little hesitant. The first X-Men movie definitely was a game changer and really shot comic books into the mainstream, especially when it comes to financial value. All of these factors in mind, and knowing that this movie was supposed to actually be an origin movie focusing on Magneto, I watched the trailer with bated breath. Then when I watched it, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, it was awesome. The more I watched it, the better it got. And then when more and more trailers and character trailers and TV spots kept coming out, I had to limit myself, thinking I would only be disappointed. Luckily, I was wrong. I’m going to try not to spoil too much, but if you’re one of those people who read this blog NOT looking for spoilers, go away and cry in a corner or something. Actually, I’m sure you can read this and be fine.

 

It’s almost like this chess match means MORE than just a chess match…almost…

 

This film starts off the same exact way as the first X-Men film starts, showing a young Jewish boy in a concentration camp being torn from his parents, and his emotions cause him to warp a metal fence. We then get to see this young boy having his mother threatened by a Nazi scientist, played by Kevin Bacon, and noticing how powerful his mutant abilities are after his mother has been killed. We then meet a young Charles Xavier catching a shape-shifting mutant named Raven Darkholme in his kitchen, and the two strike up a friendship. As these characters get older, we see that the young Jewish boy, named Erik Lehnsherr and now played by Michael Fassbender, is in pursuit of the man who killed his mother. meanwhile, Charles Xavier, played by James McAvoy, is attending Oxford, honing his telepathic abilities while also studying genetics. Charles is contacted by a C.I.A. agent after she witnesses people who appear to her as “mutants”, and knowing his expertise, gets involved in tracking these mutants down. While Charles helps intercept these powerful mutants, we also learn that Erik is after the same person, Sebastian Shaw, who was the person who executed his mother. Both Charles and Erik fail at apprehending Shaw, yet realizing how powerful a team they make, team up with the C.I.A. to track down other mutants, and then there’s a fun montage.

 

I tried to find a photo of everyone in uniform, but instead, all I could find was a picture of all the characters LOOKING at their box full of uniforms. Meh, you get the idea.

 

Through their searching, they find a mutant with insect wings, one who adapts to survive in any given situation, a mutant that can create super-sonic sound waves with his voice, another who can channel his energy into a focused energy beam, as well as meeting a mutant working for the C.I.A. named Henry McCoy, played by Nicholas Hoult, whose mutation involves the power, speed, and agility of some sort of animal. After these mutants are recruited, Charles and Xavier also learn of mutants working for Shaw, with abilities as strong as teleportation and another with the power to create powerful whirlwinds from his hands. Not to mention to telepathic mutant Emma Frost, played by January Jones, who also has the ability to turn her skin to diamonds, as well as always wear clothes where her boobs look huge. Very important superpower, clearly. After learning that Shaw is playing the Russians against the United States and vice versa, and considering the fact that it’s 1962 and the world is on the brink of a nuclear war, Charles and Erik start training their young recruits, thus making them the “first class” of X-Men. There are training scenes, and fun montages, and then Henry tries to create a serum to hide the physical manifestations of mutants, only to get even more beastly, and being covered in blue hair. There’s a big fight between the good mutants and the bad mutants and some people get hurt and other people switch sides, and in case you didn’t know already, Charles and Erik become divided on their outlooks of humans. After the whole debacle, when referring to the fact that Charles will train as many mutants as possible, and claiming that these mutants weren’t quite “G-Men”, they are referred to as “X-Men”, and I guess that’s the end. Oh, by the way, THERE IS NOTHING AFTER THE END CREDITS. Don’t waste your time, because no, there’s no hidden scene after the credits of X-Men: First Class. Am I being clear enough here? You can leave…like, right away.

 

Just as much gesticulating, but now with a cooler helmet!

 

NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M FUCKING TALKING ABOUT. All of my doubts about this movie were completely squashed, because it was awesome. It’s also over two hours long, so they really embraced the opportunity to start up a new trilogy. It’s hard to appease fans of the comics, as well as fans of the previous movies, AND people who knew nothing about the comics, all in one shot. As far as referencing the previous films go, there were two actors from the previous franchise, but I won’t spoil who they were or the context. In addition to that, to those who were paying attention, the musical cues all seemed to be derivative of the score from the first three films. You might not be able to think of what that music was from those films off the top of your head, but when you hear it in this movie, you’ll definitely recognize it. As far as appeasing comic book fans, even though this lineup wasn’t actually the “first class”, I think they did a great job of picking to highlight. Mainly, none of the characters were necessarily all that popular, and could be used in virtually any context. Of course there were people who knew them, but to just go to someone on the street and ask if they knew about the X-Men characters named Banshee, Havoc, Riptide, or Azazel, you’d probably be met with confused faces.

 

Must have been love at first…BITE! Hahaha, get it?! Because that’s Beast, and beasts typically bite things.

 

There were a few characters in this film that had already been featured in X-Men movies, so obviously there were certainly expectations as far as their portrayals. James McAvoy showed Charles as cocky and confident, using his knowledge as pickup lines , which isn’t really a side of him we’ve seen before. In addition to that, we also got a chance to see him being unsure of himself, at times, as well as extremely passionate and emotional, which could only have been shown with a younger Charles, compared to the more wise interpretation by Sir Patrick Stewart. Mystique was played by Jennifer Lawrence, who is a character we have only known as evil, and generally is pictured as being blue and covered in scales. Despite typically picturing her as blue, the character was extremely human in this movie, and you understood her feelings of isolation from humanity a lot more clearly. With Henry McCoy, we got to see a genius who was timid and a little unsure of himself, even though he was rarely, if ever, wrong about anything. Nicholas Hoult did an excellent job with this character, as opposed to Kelsey Grammer, who was basically blue Frasier. Kevin Bacon had to convey an inherit evilness without being too over-the-top, which he managed quite well. I was quite nervous about Emma Frost, considering how she is such an exaggerated version of anything ever, both her physical form as well as anything she ever does or say. January Jones even admitted that being as curvy as Emma Frost is drawn is practically impossible, and once people accept that, they’ll accept her. And ya know what? I did. She managed to be a bitch in the few lines of dialogue she had, and managed to dress in an extremely revealing way without necessarily looking like a slut. Even if there weren’t as many strong actors as I’ve mentioned, it wouldn’t matter, because this really was Michael Fassbender’s film. He was able to show Erik Lehnsherr in his prime, who was driven, powerful, angry, and had something to prove. He was ruthless, and didn’t care who or what got in the way of his mission, even if it was his best friend Charles. Man, he was awesome.

 

HAVE NO FEAR…YOU SEE EMMA FROST IN HER UNDERWEAR. SEE? LOOK UP.

 

The reason why this movie worked is because it really seem like 20th Century Fox knew that this would be one of their last chances to gain financially from this franchise. They had to be able to not only treat this movie as a starting point for all of these characters and these storylines, as well finish out the story in case there couldn’t be another one, and still leave their possibilities open for a sequel. They managed to achieve all of these things in a fun and exciting way, and by placing it during the Cuban missile crisis, also added quite a bit of seriousness and legitimacy to the whole thing. This movie was more of a spy movie from the 60′s than it was your typical comic book movie, and hopefully people comes out to see it by the millions. I know that I really can only compare it to Thor so far, but it was better than Thor. Fuck it, it was better than most of the other X-Men movies, with maybe the exception of X2. This movie set the bar even higher than it had already been for Green Lantern to come out in two weeks, but even if that sucks, I can always go see X-Men: First Class again. Unless of course, they cut out scenes of January Jones, because then I might as well blow my brains out.

 

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X2 (2003) [REVIEW]

May 10, 2011 Leave a comment

 

I think I had mentioned seeing this movie on opening day, which, I guess, means I’m mildly full of shit. Granted, I did see the midnight showing of this movie, which was technically on opening day, but it wasn’t the first morning showing of the day. Sorry for being such an asshole. However, I would like to note that I did see this at midnight with Lazer, which I think totally makes up for any lies I have told you. I remember that as this movie was coming out I made sure to keep my eyes out for toys at the local Toys R’ Us, but I only saw a handful, and they were all kind of shitty. I don’t think that stopped me from buying some little Wolverine guy who stood on a base and when you rotated him, his claws went crazy, but these were shitty by comparison.

 

Pretty sure that Sir Ian McKellen got paid per gesticulation.

The film opens with an intense scene involving a mutant and an assassination attempt on the president, leaving behind a dagger with a ribbon saying “Mutant Freedom Now!”, yet the character is one we haven’t seen before. We then join the students of Xavier’s school at a museum, and are reintroduced to the mutants going by the names “Iceman” and “Pyro“. I’m sure you can figure their powers out. They get busted using their powers in a very public place, and are reprimanded by Jean Grey, who Cyclops notes has had trouble with her psychic abilities overpowering her recently. Wolverine returns to the school after gathering some information about his past, which is just in time for him to look after the school while Storm and Jean try to find the mutant assassin and Xavier and Cyclops visit Magneto in his plastic prison. It’s during this time where Wolverine is the only X-Man available that the military man William Stryker, played by Brian Cox, invades the school to eliminate the mutant threat. It is during this siege that Stryker alludes to having information about Wolverine’s past, but Wolverine’s priorities are with the students, which he helps escape, and hits the road with Iceman, Rogue, and Pyro.

 

OH I’VE GOT A JOYSTICK YOU CAN MANHANDLE…IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN…COLECOVISION

While the siege was going on, we meet the mutant assassin Nightcrawler, who has the ability to teleport short distances. It was this power that lead to his involvement in the assassination attempt, which we also learn was conceived by Stryker, using a direct application of a chemical to a mutants neck which results in mind control. Strangely, Stryker has an assistant in all of this, which happens to be a mutant named Lady Deathstrike whose powers are similar to those of Wolverine, despite Stryker clearly hating mutants. Mystique returns in this film to inject a guard with liquid metal so that Magneto can extract that metal and escape the prison, but only after Xavier and Cyclops have been drugged and kidnapped by Stryker. Stryker’s ultimate goal is to use his own son’s mutant mind-control powers to convince Xavier to use a makeshift Cerebro device to kill all mutants. The only way to save mutants is by having Wolverine, Rogue, Iceman, Storm, and Jean Grey team up with Magneto and Mystique, also joined by new bad guy in training Pyro. The following rescue mission results in Wolverine killing Lady Deathstrike with a direct injection of adamantium, Magneto attempting to use the mutant killing device to kill anything that isn’t a mutant, Wolverine allowing Stryker to die rather than learn more about his past, and sadly, the self-sacrifice of Jean Grey, which saves all the good guys.

 

Brian Cox was totally Brian Cox-ing the shit out of this movie. It was awesome.

THAT’S WHAT I’M FUCKING TALKING ABOUT! Eight years after it’s release, this film continues to be one of the best comic book movies ever made. With the first film setting things up, and not having to deal with introductions of the principal cast, the filmmakers were able to get right to the action, which was literal and figurative action. We only met a handful of new characters, and other than the antagonist, none of them played a major role, so you didn’t need to spend too much time with them. All of the actors really immersed themselves in their characters, and started to make them their own, rather than relying too closely on the plethora of resources that were had out there. There are different variations of all of these characters found in different Marvel universes, and I feel as though the portrayals of these characters from this film and the previous film, deserve their own recognition. Well, everybody except Halle Berry, because Storm still sucked in this movie, but she got a bigger part because she was just won an Oscar for getting boned doggystyle by Billy Bob Thornton.

 

Poor thing…grew out your nails and squeezed into leather, only to die after only saying one line.

For as much as this movie was accessible, like the previous film, to people who nothing about comics, it also really spoke to comic book fans. The plot of this film was heavily borrowed from the events of the “God Loves, Man Kills” storyline in X-Men comics from the early 80′s. Even Stryker’s name is used from that graphic novel, albeit his profession being changed from a priest to a militant figure. However, the idea of kidnapping Professor X in hopes of killing all the mutants is taken almost directly, which might not be something every moviegoer realizes, but every comic book fan would appreciate. In addition to that, there are more subtle nods to the franchise found throughout. Things like Dr. Hank McCoy, who people know as the mutant Beast, appearing on TV, as well as a searching through a computer to see all sorts of names familiar to comic book readers, and it’s those small touches that really appease the nerd in all of us. Finally, I’d just like to mention that for as awesome as this movie was, that whole two hours, that the most exciting moment took place at the very end, which was hearing Jean Grey repeat a dialogue spoken by Professor X in the first film, while the camera flies over the place where she dies, as we see the faint outline of a flaming bird, right before jumping to the credits. This was a direct reference to the Dark Phoenix saga, which involves the death, as well as evil rebirth, of Jean Grey. If that moment wasn’t enough to show you how great of a fit it was to have Bryan Singer directing these movies, nothing would, because that moment caused many nerdgasms worldwide.

 

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127 Hours (2010) [REVIEW]

April 11, 2011 2 Comments

 

Whoa, that sure is a long movie! Hahaha! Get it? I’m pretending the movie is 127 hours long, but it’s not. You fucking idiot. I wanted to see this movie in theaters, but Rampaige didn’t, which made me kind of lazy about the whole situation. When I finally decided I would go, I found out it would be on Netflix two weeks later, so I put my money back in my pocket. It’s a Danny Boyle movie, so I knew it was going to be good, but considering what the plot was, and the fact that it was based on a true story, I was curious as to how entertaining it would be. Also, generally anything that has Oscar buzz is something I will stray away from, or at least wait a longer period of time before seeing it, so I can try to remain relatively unbiased. Looks like the hype has died down, so here we go!

 

Hope you weren’t planning on honking on their hooters, bro!

We get the sense that Aron Ralston, played by James Franco, enjoys adventure, and doesn’t really enjoy too many other people. From mountain biking to hiking to climbing rocks, he seems to enjoy being independent and taking on whatever challenges he may face with a positive attitude. After going for a hike in relative seclusion, he ends up falling down a small canyon and a rock wedges his arm against the side of the canyon, trapping him there, with no one knowing his whereabouts. Having the necessary supplies for any hiker, he tries multiple ways to free his arm, and eventually realizes that there is no way he can save himself. The film then shows his hallucinations, caused by the isolation and lack of water, the ups and downs of his frustrations, his regrets, his documenting of messages to family and friends, pretty much the whole gamut of what someone would do with 127 hours to themselves. Aron determines that his only chance at surviving is for him to remove his arm. He gives himself a tourniquet and uses his own strength to break his arm. Having a broken arm means he doesn’t have to saw through the bone and can just cut through the muscle and tissue. Finally free from the rock, he finds water, and is found by hikers in the area, as a helicopter lands to give him the medical treatment he needs. We see the real Aron Ralston at the end of the film, with wife and newborn, and we learn that he still goes mountain climbing despite missing part of his arm, but now he always leaves a note saying wherever he is going.

 

Brutal wipeout, bro! Shouldn’t have been listening to Phish so loudly!

I generally don’t like to think of what I will rate a movie as I’m watching it, because it’s better to wait until the end. I couldn’t help but think about what I liked about the movie, then what I didn’t like, and trying to determine how much I liked it. All of the scenes of Aron exploring on his own, as well as when he meets up with two female hikers and goes swimming in an underground pool, were awesome. All shots looked great, everything about them was interesting, and it was hard not to pay attention and take in every detail. Once he lands in the canyon, it was quite a challenge to make the rest of the movie, where you only have one character, engaging for a viewer, without them getting bored. The real Aron said that this film was as close as you could get to being a documentary while still being a drama, so you’ve got to give credit to Danny Boyle for being so thorough in the details about the incident he researched, as well as to James Franco for being able to bring himself to that place mentally, and portray it onscreen. I would say the scenes of Aron hallucinating and running through all the things he did differently were the scenes that made me not enjoy the movie as much, maybe just because of how surreal and disjointed things are. If you’ve seen The Beach, it was similar to scenes in that movie of Leonardo DiCaprio exploring the jungle as his own, where it seems surreal to the point of silliness.

 

Should have chugged some Mountain Dew, bro! That would’ve given you the strength of ten X-gamers!

Knowing ahead of time that he was going to cut his arm off kind of sets you on edge for a good portion of the movie. Rampaige got up and walked away three times, thinking it was about to happen at any moment. The first time involved him just taking his utility knife and attempts to cut through his skin, but due to the poor quality of the knife, he barely even breaks the surface. The next time he just takes his knife and stabs right into his arm. We even see an interior shot of his arm where we can see the knife inside hitting the bone. Finally, we see him break his arm, and uses the smallest attachment on his utility knife to cut away the skin. This part was pretty intense, and was supposedly filmed in just one take, due to only having one prossthetic arm. You couldn’t even block your eyes to escape it, because you see him attempt to sever a nerve, only to hear sharp grinding sounds blast from the soundtrack, trying to portray how intense the pain of slicing your own nerve was. Phew, just typing this shit out is making me sweat.

 

For being a mountain climber, his fingernails are pretty tidy. Bro.

Luckily, by the time the movie was over, I hadn’t set in stone the rating it would get, because the rating certainly changed from initial reactions. Considering so many other films end with such a negative outlook on life, it was really powerful seeing this movie end on a high note, or at least a relatively high note. It wasn’t until Aron freed himself from the rock that you truly had a sense of his isolation and desperation, and the overwhelming relief he felt. The real Aron is now a public speaker, giving lectures about positive thinking and empowering yourself to get through the tough moments in life. The time between his escape from the rock to the end of the movie is about ten minutes, and it is pure excitement, joy, and relief that whole time. From the uplifting music, to the fast-paced movement of each shot, to each shot being much more well-lit, the whole thing is a celebration of how fortunate Aron is and how incredible it was that he was able to escape with his life. I would recommend this movie to anyone who is having a shitty day or a tough time in their lives, because, hey, at least you didn’t have to cut your own fucking arm off with a dull knife. Oh, and he was stuck under the rock for 127 hours, did I mention that already?

 

Wolfman Moon Scale



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Monsters (2010) [REVIEW]

March 9, 2011 2 Comments

 

I remember hearing about this movie last year, but only vague descriptions of it. I remember when I tried to get Rampaige to watch it, I told her it was something kind of like District 9, but with monsters instead of aliens. I was kind of right, but, not really. What I forgot to think about is that the terms “monster” and “alien” aren’t mutually exclusive, and some people might consider aliens to be monsters. Apparently the makers of this movie did, because there sure were some mother fucking monster-y aliens in it! Oh, and there’s going to be spoilers that I’m going to include at the end, so if the movie sounds interesting, skip the spoilers.

 

I mean, come on, are you really missing out on that much?

Apparently monster-y aliens have landed on Earth, in Mexico to be exact, and the film opens with a military squad attacking these aliens, and then there’s a huge explosion that supposedly kills everything and everyone where this was taking place. We then see a young man and woman, and learn that they are on the wrong side of the “Isolated Zone” and are trying to get through it to get back to America. The woman is apparently the daughter of the owner of a company that this young man works for, so it’s this man’s duty to make sure she finds safe passage across. The rest of this 94 minute film shows their trials and tribulations, and there really isn’t all that much action or suspense. Or, rather, not as much as I was suspecting. They finally cross the border into America, which appears to be in a really desolate region, possibly because the aliens have made their way to this location. The couple get to a gas station and contact the authorities, and while awaiting pickup, they see two aliens descend upon the gas station. Rather than attacking the humans, the two aliens interact with one another in a big tentacular spectacle, and then continue on their way. We then see the military approaching in a caravan, and the film ends.

 

SPOILER

When we see the military in the first five minutes, one soldier is singing a specific theme song. We here that song being sung as we see the caravan approaching. I watched the first five minutes again to see that the characters we were just watching are the ones being attacked and killed and exploded in that opening scene.

END SPOILERS

Who are the real monsters…the aliens, or the people trying to kill them? Hahaha just kidding, luckily they skimped on that cheesy metaphor for the most part.

If you skipped over the spoilers, than this movie isn’t too bad. It’s labeled as “sci-fi” and “horror”, but is definitely more of a love story. Sure, this love story is taking place in this world where there are monsters that are killing people, and the military is destroying populations where they think the monsters are, but it’s still a love story. There’s nothing especially exciting about this love story either. You don’t necessarily dislike or like either of the characters to an extreme, you just get to explore their relationship in this world of fear, knowing they could die at any moment. Although there were certainly moments where clearly the director was trying to make political/social statements about “fear of the unknown” and the general fear and hatred of different cultures/lifeforms, it wasn’t too over-the-top. It also wasn’t trying to be too subtle about it, and they really just made a few specific statements about where the agenda and priorities of the United States government were. I’m going to end the review of the non-spoiler related plot there, because that stuff wasn’t all that incredible. Maybe a Half Moon. However, I recommend seeing this movie because of the subject matter contained in the spoilers, but don’t want to ruin it for anyone going to see it.

 

SPOILER REVIEW

As we see the military approaching, we hear one soldier singing a very specific song that one of the soldiers was singing in the opening five minutes. As it turns out, the opening scene, showing the monster assault and a guided missile killing everything, was what the fate of the main characters was. THEY FUCKING DIED! I wasn’t quite sure I got it, but when I watched the opening again, you can see the two main characters bloody and screaming as clear as day. Maybe other people knew that the whole time, but it only dawned on me at the very end. With that in mind, knowing all that bullshit romance ended in death and sadness, it made the film that much more enjoyable. I’m not saying this movie is perfect, and maybe after a repeat viewing I will lower its rating, but I was thoroughly entertained for 94 minutes, and anything that ends in complete loss of hope, as well as death, is fine by me!

Wolfman Moon Scale


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My Favorite Directors

March 8, 2011 24 Comments

I feel like I haven’t done anything where I just got to ramble about things I liked, so here we go. I’m also nervous that this list will be obvious, and I’ll look like some smarmy fucking cocksucker, but I really don’t care. I just feel that it’s easier, when people ask me, to tell them some of my favorite filmmakers, rather than pointing out specific films. Rather than one list that compiles all genres together, I decided to go with three from the horror genre, and three non-horror.

 

Horror Directors

John Carpenter

Reasons Why: Halloween, The Fog, The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, Prince of Darkness, They Live

You can see the diversity in the subject matter of his films, but they all have that Carpenter feel. Whether it be a slashing stalker, zombie ghosts, aliens, or action, Carpenter is always able to pace his movies in a way most other people couldn’t get away with. It seems as though he is always telling people to “slow down”, which really allows the audience to soak in every atmospheric moment of his films. I don’t feel as any of his work would be as accomplished without the soundtrack, which he sometimes provides, that is as integral to his filmmaking as every scene he films.

 

George Romero

Reasons Why: Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Creepshow, Day of the Dead, Tales From the Darkside (TV Series)

My opinion isn’t always the popular one, that his best film is Creepshow, rather than his involvement with his zombie franchise. Night of the Living Dead was a film that inspired generation upon generation of filmmakers, and even if you don’t like it personally, it needs to be respected for what it did for the Horror genre. Dawn of the Dead is my favorite, showing that Horror doesn’t always have to be a short term fear of a creature attacking you, but can be drawn from the overwhelming sense of dread of knowing that this creature will never be defeated…ever. He certainly isn’t perfect, looking at his track record, but my love for what he was able to accomplish with Creepshow and the Tales From the Darkside series, I have to give him a pass on things I didn’t enjoy.

 

Dario Argento

Reasons Why: Suspiria, Opera

I might look like a “new jack” for only listing two films, but those two films are fucking awesome. Granted, I haven’t watched EVERY film in his catalogue, but he was able to accomplish with these two films what some directors wish to accomplish in an entire career. I’ve mentioned in a different post how the first five minutes of Suspiria is more unsettling and strange than most other films. It’s the surreality in his films that secures him a spot on this list. Another example being the fact that in Suspiria, originally being written about much younger girls, he made all of the doorknobs unrealistically high, causing all of the adult females to have to reach up higher. This is something that generally goes unnoticed, or is excused by saying, “Whatever, it’s Italy”, but it’s those details for the absurd and strange that makes his films so enjoyable.

 

Non-Horror Directors

David Fincher

Reasons Why: Se7en, The Game, Fight Club, Panic Room, Zodiac, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Social Network

If I had to narrow it down to one director, it would be this guy. He seems like such a humble, mild-mannered individual who really doesn’t understand typical filmmaking conventions. It’s either that, or he knows what standard filmmaking is extremely well, and knows how to do everything the opposite of that. Se7en really seemed to reinvent the horror/thriller genre, and showed a different side of New York City that you hoped and prayed didn’t exist. Fight Club took a novel about schizophrenia, philosophy, nihilism, and violence, and was able to convey those ideas to a wide audience. After those two movies I knew I would see every movie Fincher would ever do, even if it meant watching a movie about Facebook. I think what sells it for me is his attention to detail. No one detail is more important than any other, whether it be wardrobe, set pieces, or an actor’s portrayal of a character. Every single element gets as much devotion paid to it as any other, even if this means shooting the same scene over 100 times….literally. Also, every single one of his shots in every single movie has the coolest lighting. I just like looking at them.

 

Danny Boyle

Reasons Why: Shallow Grave, Trainspotting, A Life Less Ordinary, The Beach, 28 Days Later, Sunshine

Just looking at his films, you get an idea of his diversity. He can entertain you with a murder mystery, make you disgusted with humanity, have a romantic comedy with musical numbers, break a stereotypical teen heartthrob into a selfish yuppie seeking adventure, terrify you with zombies, and use science fiction to make people realize “we’re all stardust”. Not only does he make movies from all different genres, but no two films are alike. Sure, you could definitely use the word “gritty” when it comes to his style, but comparing A Life Less Ordinary to Trainspotting, the two are drastically different. He can even take that gritty style into outer space to give people what I think is one of the best science fiction films of the past ten years.

 

Paul Thomas Anderson

Reasons Why: Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch-Drunk Love, There Will Be Blood

Similar to David Fincher, P.T.A. never does anything arbitrarily. He seems to completely immerse himself in every single project he gets involved in, but possibly the biggest credit is due to his casting. It seems as though he is able to take a perfect combination of script, set, and actors, which combine to pull off some wonderful films. And from listening to the commentary tracks on his movies, he also always makes it seem so effortless, and he seems quite humble. Specifically the documentary for Magnolia, you can see the trials and tribulations of the film, and it appears that it could fail, and you really get a sense of him having to prove he can make more than one great movie, no matter how hard it may be to top Boogie Nights. When you see him collecting awards for Magnolia, you take that much more away from it seeing that even he didn’t know he could succeed so well again.

 

Looking at this list, it looks trendy as fuck. Maybe that’s just me, and I’m sensitive to publicly admit some of my favorite things. Hopefully you take the time to read how I feel about each filmmaker, and hopefully my reasons for why they’re on my list is different than what you had expected. Sadly, I just didn’t have room for Michael Bay.

 

Wait….while trying to find an image for David Fincher, I accidentally stumbled across a picture of Spike Jonze. In retrospect, I wish I had somehow found a way to include him, because although his feature film list is short, it’s awesome, as are all of his music videos.

Filed under 5 Stars, 5 Stars, Horror Film, Inane Bullshit, Non-Horror Film Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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