The Last House on the Left (2009) [REVIEW]


Who wants to talk about rape? No one? Too bad! The original came out almost 40 years ago, which was a realization I came to yesterday. I’m willing to be that 40 years ago, the rape scenes were far more disturbing than most of what is out there now. To be honest, I didn’t even like the original Last House all that much, but there’s no way I can watch it now the same way people did 40 years ago. I also feel as though, in some ways, older films that are more lo-fi will have far more disturbing rape scenes, because there is less of a polished look to them. Nowadays, most films try to make rape stylized, which tends to take the brutality out of it.


They’re practically asking for it! I mean, those clothes are so shitty, I would want to rip them off, too.

This really is a tale as old as time, where boy meets girl. Except change boy meets girl to girls meet boy, who he then tries to sell weed to. This is during a vacation where blonde girl is staying with her parents at their lake house. During the weed selling, more bad guys show up, and those bad guys are on the run from the law. When they see these ladies, they decide they can’t let them get away, and throw them in the truck and take them to the woods. While in the woods, one of them gets stabbed to death, whereas the other one, blondie, is raped. She manages to escape to the safety of a river, where she sadly gets shot in the back.


You know they’re bad guys because of their hoods and facial hair.

Meanwhile, her parents are having a grand old time drinking wine, making dinner, standard partying stuff. The are interrupted by a knock on the door, and guess who it is. The bad guys! They need a place to stay, and get proper medical treatment from the Dad, who is a doctor. Once the bad guys are safely tucked in, there is more knocking coming from the porch, where they find their daughter, all sorts of fucked up. After inspecting her and finding the gunshot and the rape trauma, the Mom also finds evidence that these crimes were carried out by the bad guys! Fuck that! Stupid bad guy assholes, always up to no good. The parents start taking out the bad guys one by one, until they are all gone, and they end up taking their daughter away on a boat. See? Tale as old as time.


I need 10CCs of a shower, stat!

This movie could have been much worse. Not saying it was good or anything, but it could have been horrible. It’s tough, because there isn’t too much plot in the original to base a remake on, so they started off on the wrong foot. There were some slight changes, in an attempt to update the movie, but I didn’t enjoy them all that much. Firstly, the daughter survives. This is not the case in the original, but I suppose it could be argued which is more disturbing, your daughter living through this horrible experience or being put out of her misery with death. Second change is that in this film, the parents are still somewhat reacting in self-defense, whereas in the original, the parents clearly take the offensive. I suppose that ties into the fact that with the daughter dying in the original, the parents clearly had nothing to live for, but when she lives, their priority is her safety, rather than vengeance. Considering the fact that it could pass as self-defense, if they were prosecuted for the murders, they might be able to get a lesser sentence than were they clearly on the offensive.


Don’t forget to check the last door…on the left…of the last house…on the left.

Rampaige was terrified to watch this movie because of the rapes, which I can understand. Knowing there are rapings in a movie generally makes you a little hesitant to watch, unless you are a psychopath like me and have seen your fair share of film rapings. It’s hard to judge what makes it more intense or less severe, but I certainly planned on viewing the violence in this film a little more critically than with other films, knowing how brutal the violence in the original was. As far as the rape, I would say it lasted longer than in a typical movie, which made you a little uncomfortable, but the way it was shot was still considered “stylish” to me, and I didn’t really see anything too over the line. One murder involved shoving a hands guy down a garbage disposal, which was pretty awful, then he got hit in the head with the sharp end of a hammer. The garbage disposal I felt was pretty disturbing because he was mostly screaming, then he pulled his hand out and it was severely lacerated. Most films would just show a bloody stump, but knowing just how painful it would be, and wouldn’t destroy your hand, stuck with me a little more. The “leader” of the bad guys was paralyzed by the doctor, because he “didn’t have any rope”. I thought that was pretty terrifying, until you saw the reason for subduing him. The Dad put the bad guy’s head into an open microwave. Uhhh, what the fuck? How is that possible? Why would you choose THAT method of execution? Sure, it was funny to see his head explode, but seriously? I know how long the popcorn smell stays in a microwave, so I can only imagine how long it would take to get the brain smell out, and no rational person would subject themselves to that torture.


Wolfman Moon Scale

Official Site
Amazon DVD

One response to “The Last House on the Left (2009) [REVIEW]

  1. weird boobs and reefer? haha

    don’t get me wrong, i don’t mind a good rape scene once in a while….but nate was so pumped about watching it that i got nervous. for you….not me.

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