Creepshow 2 (1987) [REVIEW]

The reason I watched this movie recently was because I totally called out Rampaige on a bluff. By the way, for those of you who are retarded and can’t put things together on their own, Rampaige is also “aly”, “alypaige”, “paige”, and probably a few other things that she posted in my comments, and is my girlfriend. Just wanted to clarify. Anyways, we were trying to decide what to watch and she kiddingly said Creepshow, which we just watched a week or two ago. I was quite enthusiastic, and she turned it down, and claimed that there “needed to be more creeps”. I told her we should watch Creepshow 2, not knowing there was a film of that nature, nor did she know I owned it. She admitted defeat and allowed me to put it on. My favorite part about my DVD of Creepshow 2 is the fact that it is sneakily combined with Children of the Corn. The DVD cover has the Children of the Corn cover art, full size, and then in a little tiny corner that was seemingly added later on, it mentioned a special edition because there was randomly added Creepshow 2 DVD inside. Weird, but I think I bought it used for three dollars, and was well worth the purchase.

Ya got what ya deserved, ya horse-haired piece of shit!

The original Creepshow had five short stories, and a sixth story that introduced the film as well as concluded the film, tying the whole concept together. This installment had three short stories, with one additional animated storyline that filled time in between each segment. The animated story shows a little boy waiting for the delivery of the Creepshow comic book, and then taking it home. Apparently he ordered away for a venus flytrap from the magazine, and got that delivered to him as well. A bunch of local bullies harass him, and after kicking one of them, who looks like Danzig, in the nuts, leads them to some abandoned garden. Once in the garden, these giant venus flytraps, presumably controlled by the young boy, spring to life and eat the bullies. The first story, involving real actors, at least, is called “Old Chief Wood’nhead” and is about a store owner of a small, dying town, who has a wooden Native American chief in front of his store. There is a lot of time spent talking about how he and his wife have no money, and then is given jewels by someone from a nearby tribe. Shortly after, a bunch of punks rob the store, kill the man and his wife, and take the jewels. It should come as no surprise that Old Chief Wood’nhead, the chief from the front of the store, takes vengeance and kills the three punks.

That’s what you get for being the first lady to show her boobs in the Creepshow franchise.

The next story, called “The Raft“, has four college kids going to a raft in a seemingly deserted lake, only to be attacked by some blob monster. One person gets sucked into the water, the next gets pulled through the wooden planks of the raft, and the other boy and girl survive the night. When they wake up, the boy starts taking the girls shirt off and kissing her boobs while she’s asleep, like a weirdo, only to have the blob creep through the cracks of the raft and suck her through the cracks. He freaks out, dives into the water, and swims to shore. He makes it safely, and upon declaring victory, the blob jumps out of the water, encapsulating him, and the camera zooms out to show a sign hidden in the brush that says “NO SWIMMING”. The last story is called “The Hitchhiker“, and opens with two people in bed together. I guess the woman is paying the man for sex, and she is pissed because his alarm broke and she is going to be late getting home to her husband. What a cheater! While driving home and freaking out about what she’ll do, she gets distracted and runs a man over with her car. She goes into a paranoid fit, and then starts seeing the dead hitchhiker in her rearview mirror, on the roof of her car, eventually physically assaulting her. She keeps defending herself and getting away from him, but does this by running “him” over with her car, totally fucking the car and hitchhiker up. The hitchhiker gets more and more fucked up, which will happen when you are repeatedly hit by a car, and just keeps yelling “Thanks for the ride, lady!” I think he’s being facetious though, because she never actually gave him a ride. She ends up at home in her garage, and is once again attacked by the hitchhiker, and when we see her husband arrive home, he opens the garage to see that she has died from carbon monoxide poisoning, having left the car running during her attacks from the phantom hitchhiker. Not to mention that there is a sign on her body reading “Dover”, which was the sign the hitchhiker was holding. No more Creepshow 2!

How he found the time to write this sign while also being run over repeatedly is still kind of confusing.

I think this can be considered the last true Creepshow film of the series, as it’s the only one, other than the original, that had George Romero, Stephen King, and Tom Savini all involved. The third movie, that bastard called “Creepshow 3“, is pure and utter garbage, and it sucks to see that name attached to such a piece of shit movie. The three did collaborate on one more film, which was the Tales From the Darkside movie, which most consider the unofficial third installment to the Creepshow trilogy, but I digress. I think ever since watching “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” and seeing clips of “Tales from the Crypt” on HBO late at night always left a soft spot for horror anthologies. The stories in this film were a little more campy than the original film, which walked the line between campy and creepy a little bit more delicately, but it’s still entertaining nonetheless. The story of Old Wood’nhead ran a little long, and I would have rather seen that one cut out, and the animated story kind of took away from the enjoyment of the other stories, but The Raft was a good little creature story and The Hitchhiker was short enough that you didn’t get sick of it, but was deservedly longer than the others because it was more entertaining. I would love to see George Romero, Tom Savini, and Stephen King get together for another Creepshow, but I guess until then, I can always wait for the sequel to Trick ‘r Treat.