You already think I’ve gone soft, haven’t you? HAVEN’T YOU?! Well, that’s assuming I was hard in the first place, and–nevermind just realized I am too immature to finish this narrative without making boner references. Speaking with a coworker the other day about Pixar films and thinking about how I enjoy making lists on this site, I figure I’d give you guys a little glimpse into what my favorite Pixar films are. I normally do “Top 5” of things when I make lists, but I don’t think there are enough Pixar movies yet to constitute picking my 5 favorite. There’s only been 12 films so far, so I would really just be saying which half I like more. Without further ado, and in no particular order…wait, chronological order. That’s how I’ll do it.

1) Toy Story (1995)

I suppose that this is an obvious choice, considering it was the movie that started it all. This movie was also one of the first movies I went to see in theaters without family members, and I think I went opening day. It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, so it was a half day, and I went to a theater that I ended up working at. I also think that from all the birthday money I had gotten that year I bought a bunch of Toy Story shit, and got a lot of Toy Story shit for Christmas. I understand that this makes me sound like a baby, but 15 years later I still buy toys, so don’t let that confuse you. It could be argued that any film in the Toy Story trilogy is just as good or better than any other of the films, but rather than deciding between which one is best, this one wins as a nostalgic level. Also, this is the only one that Joss Whedon was involved in, so bonus points for that.

2) The Incredibles (2004)

Although I didn’t quite realize it at the time, this film kind of blew my mind. I think I initially wrote it off as being not as good as the others, but after seeing it again…and again…and again, I realized that the reason it stood out was because this was the first non-kid oriented movie. Granted, it’s still a kid’s movie, I’m not saying it’s not appropriate for kids, but this was the first PG rated Pixar movie. CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING COMPREHEND THAT?! No longer was Pixar making movies for General audiences, they demanded that children have Parental Guidance with this film. You see a dead body, superheroes and henchmen alike DIE, and the main character is a middle-aged guy whose personal and professional life have fallen apart after the legal repercussions of his heroic actions. That was probably WAAAAY over the heads of kids, and other than maybe the opening segment of Up or the climax of Toy Story 3, this film takes the cake as far as most adult-oriented content. It comes as no surprise that this film was directed by brad bird, who five years earlier directed The Iron Giant, which is another one of my favorite animated movies.

3) WALL-E (2008)

Have I mentioned enough times on this blog the fact that I saw this movie, hesitantly, at its midnight release? Because I did. And it was one of the best mistakes I’ve ever made. THERE’S NO FUCKING DIALOGUE FOR THIRTY MINUTES. Yes, there are characters interacting with one another through primitive communication, but even that is limited to only about a dozen words. Obviously the fact that they can keep kids and adults thoroughly engaged in what’s going on with no dialogue is impressive, but that’s only where it starts. The film continues to tell a love story about two robots, while also projecting where humankind is heading, and that means we’re going to be fat pieces of shit who have ruined the planet and have to live in outer space. It does have one or two lines that are a little heavy-handed about the message it’s trying to make, but even with those lines, WALL-E manages to show a pessimistic outlook on life and how terrible the human species is. Also, there are lots of funny scenes where robots make noises at one another.

I’d also like to give an honorary mention to Up because that movie is also pretty grim, from the barren uterus of the main character’s wife, to her untimely death and resulting depression, and a side of parental abandonment. It does also have a main character that’s a dog, so that’s pretty awesome. I guess I just didn’t feel right making a “Top 4”, and I don’t think I like Up more than anything I already listed. I will say that I don’t like Monsters Inc. nearly as much as most people do, and everyone agrees that Cars is a piece of shit, and its sequel is the first Pixar movie I haven’t seen in theaters. Okay I’m wrong, I chose going to see Antz over A Bug’s Life, but Cars 2 just looked awful. Ratatouille is pretty good too, but takes a few viewings to really grow on you, and doesn’t really seem like a kids’ movie. Maybe next year’s Brave will be pretty good, or at least I hope it will be, because after that we get another installment of those Monsters Inc. guys in Monsters University. And even though it’s not technically a Pixar movie, I definitely recommend watching the documentary about those guys, “The Pixar Story”, to really appreciate every step they took along the way and how if one thing had changed even slightly, they wouldn’t be anywhere near what they are today.