Are you wondering why I’m writing an article about a music video for a nu-metal band that’s ten years old? ME TOO. REALLY NO GODDAMNED IDEA. I guess it’s because I was watching the video, remembering how absolutely goofy it is, and was telling other people to watch it with me while pointing out the coolest dudes. I understand that not everyone has the time to do that along with me, so I went ahead and made screencaps of the coolest dudes so we can all remember what things were like ten years ago in the realm of popular music videos. I apologize for the quality of the photos, because the video came out before HD was a thing. This means I could only find it online and had to make the screencaps myself, so bear with me.
Opening Shot Bro
A lot of pressure rides on this guy. He’s the first one we see. He kind of wobbles around a little bit, and REALLY kicks into gear as soon as the opening lyrics of “I push my fingers into my eyyyyyyyyyyyes” start and then you KNOW that things are about to get all bonkers.
Bro Who Jumps Off the Roof
Do you wanna know the power of Slipknot? Look no further than this guy who JUMPS OFF A GODDAMNED ROOF. What was he doing on that roof? Roofing? The power of Slipknot was SO intense that he apparently ripped his shirt off to jump off a roof. Damn.
Weird Arm-Contortion Bro
I don’t really know what that guy in the background is doing but the power of the riffs is making him flail his arms and head all over the goddamned place. I just hope he stretched first.
Horn Hair Bro
HOLY SHIT. IT’S A REAL GODDAMNED DEMON. Wait, no, that’s just a dude who has styled his hair into horns. Think of the commitment to the ‘Knot to style your hair like that! Definitely an intense dude.
Bro Eating Invisible Pie
I had to watch the video a few times to see if this bro had dropped a pie or if a pie was CG’ed out or something and I still don’t understand it. What kind of pie do you think he was eating? I’m pretending it was chocolate creme pie. Yeah, that sounds about right.
Awkward, Wet, Chubby Bro
Ya know, when you’re hanging out with a bunch of shirtless Slipknot fans, it’s hard to be the most awkward guy there. No offense to this guy, but running while wet and being kind of chubby is not the best look. Although, there’s a lot I don’t know about Slipknot so maybe this means he’s the king!
Falling Through the Floor Bro
This bro just looked like he was having an awesome time a few moments earlier when some asshole got a little too aggro and ripped the ceiling. No ceiling means no floor and this dude was NOT expecting to crash land in a pile of awkward shirtless guys. I guess that’s what a mosh pit is, though.
Hedgehog Haircut Bro
See that dude on the left climbing through the window? This dude is like, 100 times more intense than that demon hair horn dude because that’s how many more spikes he has on his head.
Invisible High-Five Bro
If you can’t high-five every Slipknot bro at the annual Slipknot rally, just pretend to high-five everyone with one crazy wild-man high five.
You might think that I’m calling it a “mono-dreadlock” because there’s only one of them, but, from the looks of it, I think you could catch mono if that thing touched you. And this guy’s just whipping it around all willy-nilly?! What a champion.
Perched like a Gargoyle Bro
Maybe this dude thought the floor was crowded or something, so he took it upon himself to climb up onto a refrigerator or something. Only problem is that the ceiling isn’t that high so he has to awkwardly hunch over. This dude gives wet chubby dude a run for his money in the awkward-lympics.
You might not really be able to tell what’s going on here, but two dudes were like, “Man, it’s dumb that a basketball hoop is on this barn. Let’s rip it off and throw it through a window!” And they did. Sports are for losers!
Braided Chin-Beard Bro
You know who puts beads and shit in their goatees? DWARVES FROM GODDAMEND MIDDLE-EARTH. Want to be a badass like them? BEAD YOUR BEARD, BRO.
Bro Losing His Mind (Fetal Position)
He’s just laying on the ground and screaming about God knows what and everyone else is so caught up in the music that they don’t even try to help him. Maybe he was saying scary things. I don’t know, this dude’s intense.
Bro Losing His Mind (Prone Position)
Luckily, there’s no shortage of dudes just losing their minds throughout this entire video. Between him and Fetal Position Bro, these two dudes would make a couple of wacky roommates.
Bro Who Crashes Through a Wall
THIS DUDE IS JUST GOING SO NUTS THAT NOT EVEN WALLS CAN STOP HIM. NOTHING CAN GET IN THE WAY OF HIM LOSING HIS MIND TO SLIPKNOT. SORRY ABOUT YOUR WALLS, GRANDMA.
Bro That’s Not a Bro
See that person all the way to the left? THAT’S NOT EVEN A BRO, BRO. THAT’S A GIRL. This proves that the ‘Knot can drive people nuts, no matter what their gender.
The Ultimate Bro
Well, technically, it’s the keg. The keg is the most important part of this whole video. Why? Because about half a dozen times in the song, a dude in a clown mask hits it with a bat. HE JUST BONKS IT WITH A BAT LIKE A GODDAMNED MANIAC. It really furthers the song and elevates this song and video into a whole new realm. And if the keg doesn’t do it for you, maybe these guys will…
The Sleepy Bros
At a really emotional part of the song, all these dudes just stand around and pretend to be asleep or something. I’m still trying to figure it out.
THIS IS AWESOME!!! I totally made the list as “Bro Eating Invisible Pie”!!!
JEREMIAH I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING.