DO I NEED TO FUCKING EXPLAIN WHY I WATCHED A MOVIE CALLED GRIZZLY RAGE? ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH?
Oh look, it’s that one scene where that one bear roars.
There’s a group of kids celebrating graduation from something that wasn’t really important, high school, college, doesn’t fucking matter. So they are off-roading or four-wheeling or something aggro, and they hit a baby bear. NOOOOO!!!! Somehow they know it’s a grizzly, despite looking like a black bear, but I guess I’m not the bear expert. Hitting the cub drives them off-road and ruins their car, so they have to start finding help on foot. But guess what….THE BABY BEAR’S MOM IS PISSED! I guess because one guy tried to help the dead bear with his shirt, the mom got a whiff of their scent and hunted them? Doesn’t matter, it’s bullshit. We see these assholes running around the woods, getting scared by bears, they use the same shot of the bear yelling over and over again. Some people die, some live, and then there is some climactic scene with the bear and the last two characters. They are running away, and the guy falls, and the girl is all I WON’T LEAVE YOU HERE and he is all GO ON WITHOUT ME and she is all NO I WON’T DO IT and as they are bickering, they see the bear running after them, and then it growls and we see the title card GRIZZLY RAGE at the end, with flames in the background. They’re all dead!
You’re going to die. You know how I know you’re going to die? Because you’re a character in this movie.
Do I really need to explain? I knew going into this movie that it would be bad, and, well, it was. One thing I forgot to mention was the fact that there was some scene where the characters looked over into a pond or lake and saw nuclear waste or toxic waste or something spilled in it. I guess we were supposed to think that this is why the grizzly is pissed? Either it was pissed because it hated pollution or maybe it turned into a freak monster because of sewage, who the fuck knows. This movie was shitty, and nobody should watch it again, and everyone involved in making it should kill themselves. I guess it was kind of funny that everyone died at the end, and it happened off-screen, but not even close to redeeming anything about it at all. It’s not even like one of those movies where it’s so bad that it’s funny, it’s just, well, bad. Sorry guys, maybe it would have worked out better had it been called “Polar Rage”, and it was a polar bear, ya know, the largest land carnivore? I guess they’d have to explain why there were people hanging out in the coldness of the arctic circle, but I’m sure they could have thought of something.
Wolfman Moon Scale