The last time I was in Borders, I happened to check out my favorite magazine about the paranormal, which is the TAPS magazine. They had some sort of awards for best paranormal movie of the year, and I Sell The Dead took home top honors.  I had never even heard of it before that. I saw that it starred Dominic Monaghan and Ron Perlman, and despite the fact that this is my favorite magazine in the paranormal field, they obviously have shitty taste in movies.

No guarantee or anything, but I have a feeling they are about to dig up a body…

Our story starts with some character getting beheaded. It’s somewhat unclear as to why we should care, but, I think they are assuming we do, but it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t have a goddamned head anymore. Now they get to the characters that are actually alive, and it kind of turns into Interview With A Vampire. At least, there is interviewing involved in this film. Was there interviewing in that vampire movie? I really have no idea what I’m talking about. Regardless, we find out that Dominic Monaghan is going to be killed in the morning, and he was pals with the guy who we saw beheaded, and Ron Perlman is a priest trying to get a confession from him. Monaghan was a grave robber who sold dead bodies to doctors. I have a feeling that’s where the title came from. The two buddies somehow found a zombie, and sold that, then some crazy stuff happened and we find out Ron Perlman is a bad guy? I don’t know, it was stupid.

Supposedly, these guys are in the movie. What they no? No fucking clue. But the internet tells me it’s true!

I can’t say that this movie was awful. I’m sorry, I know you want me to, but I can’t. It had an engaging and unique visual style, and the acting was good, effects were decent enough, but it was just a giant clusterfuck. I think you can tell the plot was very B-movie and it could have really played into that, but didn’t. It took itself a little too seriously, and the incorporation of zombies and aliens really should have happened earlier on, because by the time it happens, the movie is too close to being over. Perlman and Monaghan were entertaining and clearly had a sense of humor about the film, but I felt like the script and/or director didn’t want to accept what the film really was, and tried to make it some thought-provoking buddy comedy or something. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this film was terrible, I just can’t bring myself to give it a terrible rating.

Wolfman Moon Scale