I’m sure that you’re thinking exactly what I was thinking. You’re thrilled that they finally made a sequel to the Tom Hanks movie where he gets stuck in an airport terminal. You were probably wondering why they used the word “quarantine” in the title, but probably figured it had something to do with Mr. Hanks sneezing in a comical manner, and how he probably would borrow a tissue from Catherine Zeta-Jones, and that’s how they would fall in love. Sadly, none of those things happen in this movie. Instead, it’s a sequel to the movie Quarantine, which itself was a remake of the Spanish film [REC]. There’s already a Spanish sequel to [REC], so why not give its American remake a sequel? Well, they did, and I watched it.

“I SAID I DIDN’T WANT ANY PEANUTS, YOU BITCH!”

I’m sure you all already know that the title of this movie is a clever play on the word “terminal”, which not only means an airport terminal but also refers to the severity of certain diseases. We follow two female flight attendants from their cab ride to the actual flight they are on when one of the passengers gets sick. His sickness gets intense and he starts trying to bite people and attack the cockpit. The pilots are instructed to land at the closest airport, and when the plane lands, a baggage handler gets on the plane to act all “WTF are you doing here” while the sick passenger gets locked in a bathroom. While the airport employee starts trying to bring the passengers to a terminal, they are only coming across locked door after locked door. It is communicated to everyone that they are now quarantined…in a terminal. I think that’s how the movie got its name. You can kind of fill in the gaps of what happens next, because it’s just one person getting picked off after another, all turning into these zombie-esque creatures biting one another. By the end of the movie, everyone on board is either dead or infected and going crazy, except for one little boy who was able to escape through a tunnel. When the camera pans out, we see that the plane has landed just outside of Las Vegas, which implies a sequel…that would take place…in Las Vegas. Hopefully it will be called “Quarantine 3: Snakes Eyes starring Gary Sinise”.

“I’m sorry sir, but this is too big for a carry on item, you’re going to have to check it at the gate.”

I thought the first Quarantine was decent enough, but mostly because I enjoyed the original [REC] so much, so I had relatively high hopes for this one. I figured it wasn’t going to be based on the Spanish sequel of [REC] and wanted to see where this one would go. It wasn’t nearly as good as either of the Spanish films, and wasn’t as good as the first film, but it did have its moments. One moment was when we learned that the disease was a modified form of rabies being cultured through rats, and there was a rat on the lose that at one point jumped onto the head of a man who was wheelchair bound because of Parkinson’s and then got bitten right on the fucking head. There was also a scene where we saw a character give himself an injection of a possible antidote right into his fucking eyeball. I’ve seen eyeball injections before, but I don’t think Rampaige has, so she was grossed the fuck out.

“Is it possible to have another flight attendant bring me my little pillow?” I DID IT! Three shitty flight airplane jokes in one post!

What was so enjoyable for me with [REC]2 was the justification of the disease, which was basically attributing the psycho freak disease to demons. Knowing that this film would go in a different direction, I could appreciate what they attempted, despite not being as entertaining. Earlier in the film, there is a doctor who speaks to the flight attendant about how many people are just assholes and humans in general are pretty shitty. Certainly a sentiment I can agree with, and he didn’t say these things in a creepy terrorist kind of way. We learn later in the movie that he was the one who created the disease, and the main justification for it was that he thought that humanity needed a new plague to wipe out a large chunk of the population. We also learned that it was his laboratory that was discovered at the end of the first film, as well as seeing footage of the events of the first film on the news, letting us know that the first film and the sequel were taking place at the same time. A clever little tie-in, yes, but I’m not sure how well the franchise will do when they inevitably make another direct-to-video sequel. I’ll spend my time watching the next two [REC] films instead, because part 3 is already done and production will be starting shortly on part 4.

Wolfman Moon Scale