The House on the Goddamn Rock

Not being a true Midwesterner (thank fucking Cthulhu for that), I have been pretty oblivious of what the fuck there is to do out here. Obviously there’s bullshit to do here in Chicago, but other than this one major metropolitan area, where can you go on a daytrip? NOWHERE. I always look for places that Rampaige and I can visit when we both happen to have the day off, but since that doesn’t happen that frequently, going on these daytrips can be quite risky. When I visited L.A. a few years ago, I went to one of the weirdest/coolest/creepiest places I’ve ever been. It’s called “The Museum of Jurassic Technology“, and no, I don’t really know what that means. What I DO know is that anytime I tried to describe it to someone, I told them it was like hanging out alone at your grandfather’s house, because he went out to the grocery store, so you decide to snoop around at his stuff, but are nervous because he might be home any second. And you have to pretend you’re grandfather was Vincent Price to try to explain why he had so many crazy things. Whether it be a room filled with oil paintings of Russian Cosmodogs, the dogs Russia sent to space, or a collection of “microtures”, which were miniatures that were so small that they could fit inside the eye of a needle. Pretty crazy, right? I described this place to a coworker in Chicago and they told me about this place called “The House on the Rock“, and since looking at pictures of it made it look insane, that’s where Rampaige went last week. We had to drive four hours to get there, and cost $30 to get in, but was so totally insane that it was worth every penny. I’m not going to get into all of the details of who the guy was and why he built a weirdo place in the middle of Wisconsin, but that’s mostly because I don’t remember the details. However, I will show you pictures of what this place looks like on the inside, and I hope it’ll give you some idea of how insane this place is.

 

Pretty cool, right? Just your average garden and fountain thing.

Hmmm, kind of strange to have a monk chilling with a deer. Whatever!

Cool fountain! What is that, a dragon? Not weird at all!

Wait, why the fuck are all the ceilings so low? Why is there carpet on everything?

AND WHY ARE THERE INSTRUMENTS PLAYING ON THEIR OWN ACCORD EVERY TIME YOU ROUND A CORNER? There were probably 30 of these instrument arrangements scattered throughout the whole compound. I didn’t take too many pictures of them, because you couldn’t tell that they were acting independently, so just picture a lot.

This was the “Infinity Room”. No, there’s nothing underneath this room to support the weight.

This was the view when you got to the end of the Infinity Room. The whole room creaked and swayed with every breeze. Fucking terrifying.

Don’t worry, this is just the beginning of the dolls.

This diorama isn’t that scary, is it?

HOW ABOUT NOW?

This guy also collected lots of maritime memorabilia. Some pretty neat, relatively normal things.

Cool chair! But what’s it made out of?

Oh. Thanks!

Oh you know, just a giant whale vs. squid battle. It was hard to get a picture of just how big this thing was, but hopefully this helps.

Different whale angle. Help at all?

Nightmares foreverrrrrrrrrr.

Might not seem too creepy, but you had to put a token into this machine to make this little bird demon pop out from behind that gravestone. So kvlt.

To the right is the human sized carousel that had absolutely no horses on it. Instead, it was crazy shit like this:

Towards the end, there was no escape from the circus music. It…was…EVERYWHERE.

Who needs radios when you can just buy a full-sized robot orchestra?

And here’s the doll carousel…for dolls.

But what do you put on top of the doll carousel? Hmmm, maybe I’ll put:

And what carousel is complete without the four horsemen of the apocalypse looking over you?

Too scary?  Then let’s just put some fucking angels up there! It’ll be fine!

On the way home, and since it was Wisconsin, we saw this deer farm and Rampaige decided to feed a goat.

And then Rampaige fed a deer!

Then she tried to feed the bison! This bison? NOT INTO IT.

I can’t wait for this baby pig to grow up and turn into bacon so I can eat it.

And finally, the reindeer that gives ZERO FUCKS ABOUT EVERYTHING.

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6 responses to “The House on the Goddamn Rock

  1. This reminded me of that movie The Cell with Jennifer Lopez? Have you seen that one? Because it’s like you found a portal to the inside of my mind and took pictures of all the stuff I’ve got going on upstairs! Totally normal!!

  2. i’d heard of this place before but i didn’t know it was a physical manifestation of my nightmares. and your instragram pics on twitter made me think of the museum of jt right away. i was all “where the hell was he?” and then i read this. you were in WI of course!

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