Guys guys guys….remember Kari Wuhrer? If the answer to that question was “no”, there’s really no point in continuing this relationship. If you watched any movie on HBO after midnight in the mid 90’s, then you’ve probably seen her. Although she was typically only in straight-to-video movies, she was able to gain a little bit of fame for popping up on that TV show Sliders and was able to make her way into some “bigger” movies like Eight Legged Freaks, Anaconda and this movie. She wasn’t the lead or anything in Thinner, but she is/was the only thing I really remembered about the movie. I’ve been trying to make it a tradition to watch a Stephen King movie every Thanksgiving, and since this popped up on Netflix Instant, I figured I’d see if there was anything worth remembering other than Kari Wuhrer. Fun fact: Kari Wuhrer is randomly credited as Kari Salin in some movies for some reason! Imagine how difficult it was to try to keep track of all of her appearances when she had two different names!
Hey don’t get pissed at me, you were the one constantly taking your clothes off!
There’s this big fucking fat guy (Robert John Burke) who is trying to lose weight in a small town in Maine. While driving and getting a blowjob from his wife, he accidentally runs down and kills a gypsy woman. The gypsy woman’s father curses the fat guy, because the fat guy is a lawyer and is able to use his friends in the local government to get him acquitted of the charges. The fat guy starts to lose weight, which is a relief at first, until he starts losing it at an alarming rate for seemingly no reason. The fat guy becomes concerned when he hears of other people connected to the trial being cursed with different, more grotesque deformities. The slightly-less fat guy then goes to the gypsy man to ask him to take the curse off, but when the old gypsy refuses, the not-fat guy gets his mobster friend Joe Mantegna to show the gypsies the “Curse of the White Man from Town”. Mantegna kills their dogs and gets the gypsies to accidentally shoot of their own, so the old man is willing to call it off. The skinny man has to bleed into a pie and feed that pie to someone else who will then absorb the curse, but all at once. This is great news, because his wife has been cheating on him so he can just feed it to her, but when he finds out his daughter ate some, he gets kind of bummed. Luckily, the guy his wife was cheating on skinny guy with shows up, and the movie ends with a pie eating invitation. I’m sure everything worked out fine!
Oh my god! Look at how…thin…you are?
The moral of the story is that if you’re a fat guy, don’t get blowjobs while you’re driving if there is a gypsy fair in town. However, if you’re neither fat nor get blowjobs nor is there a gypsy fair in town, there’s nothing remotely scary or thrilling about this movie. Not to say that the movie wasn’t fun in a campy way, but it’s kind of hard to read that description and wonder what makes this a “horror” movie. Even though the special effects to make this guy fat/skinny weren’t all that good, there were some good makeup effects done with the other cursed people who either ended up as an Elephant Man-esque creature or whose skin just started kind of cracking and falling off. Maybe because I hadn’t seen this movie in years, but it wasn’t until this recent viewing that I saw all the similarities between this movie and Drag Me to Hell. They both involve a gypsy person being wronged, the person who wronged them being cursed, that person trying to appeal to the person who cursed them, and the realization that they could free themselves from the curse if they transferred their fate to someone else. Drag Me to Hell at least had the victim of the curse being put into that situation unintentionally, whereas the fat guy in Thinner definitely could have not gotten a blowjob and not murdered that woman. It’s still kind of fun for me to watch because I remember seeing it and instantly getting a huge crush on Kari Wuhrer, who played one of the gypsies, but you’re not missing much by skipping this one. Well, you’re missing Kari Wuhrer lifting her skirt, but I guess you have the internet so you can find other things like that if you’re interested.
Wolfman Moon Scale