I have two memories with this movie, and both of them are related to Amherst, MA. The first one, which is less exciting, is that this movie was ALWAYS being sold at Newbury Comics in the used DVD section for $4. I always picked it up, thought, “WHAT THE FUCK?”, and put it back down. The next memory is going to my friend Conor’s apartment where he was sitting around with some other friends and watching it. I wanna say that I was eating fish and chips. I remember pointing out one character and saying, “Are you guys watching a documentary about Boss Nass?” and Conor laughing and no one else knowing what I was talking about. Boss Nass was made popular in Star Wars – Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Conor and I became quite famous for recreating certain scenes from this film, but no one else knew what the fuck we were talking about. I never finished watching that movie or figured out what was going on in it…UNTIL NOW!

To anyone wondering what a frog/human/stripper hybrid would look like, here you go!

There is some sort of nuclear holocaust that has turned frogs into some weird frog/human hybrid creature. There aren’t that many human men left, except “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. He doesn’t need a character name. Anyways, some lady doctors want all of his sperm, and who the fuck doesn’t, so they put some high-tech underwear on him to protect his sperm. There are scenes of women enticing him to use his sperm, and then other ladies get mad. For some reason Rowdy Roddy pretends to capture one lady doctor to infiltrate Frogtown, which is where most of these frog things live. I guess he gets arrested or something and the lady gets enslaved by the frog people, and she is forced to dance around and give the mayor of Frogtown frog boners. We actually see his frog pants get tented by his frog boner. YOU CAN’T LOCK UP ROWDY RODDY! He steals some strippers, along with the lady doctor, kills some frog things, and I guess at the end of the movie, lady doctor tells Rowdy Roddy he needs to fuck all those stripper non-frog ladies, and he looks at the camera like “OH FUCK YEAH!” and puts on a pair of mind-sunglasses. Did I mention his name in the movie is Sam Hell?

Even the rowdiest of pipers find frog boners questionable.

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! I wish I had never mocked my friend for watching this movie, because it was clearly a film about the Reagan administration. In a very subtle way, I’ll have you know. No seriously, movies like this can ONLY get made in the 80’s. They just make far too little sense to have anyone ever greenlight a project like this without someone chiming in and saying, “So this is satire, right?”. Sure, you can make a movie like Piranha 3D and have everyone enjoy it because it’s a throwback to a different kind of film, but you don’t see any movies attempting this level of insanity in a serious way. Rather than Rowdy Roddy putting on mind-sunglasses while looking at the camera, it’s a character looking at the camera and winking, with a “SEE WHAT WE DID THERE?” expression on their face. It’s refreshing to see movies like this, that were made in a decade of “Let’s throw a bunch of shit at the wall and see what sticks.” In this case, what stuck to the wall was “Frogs…Nuclear Holocaust…Sperm…Hell…Lady Doctors…Rowdy Roddy Piper”. The rest pretty much wrote itself.

Wolfman Moon Scale