THIS MOVIE IS NOT A THRILLER. THIS FILM IS NOT A HORROR FILM. DO I NEED TO TELL YOU AGAIN, OR HAS IT SUNK IN ENOUGH? That’s the most important information that everyone needs to know about this film. Considering the success of Paranormal Activity, it’s not that hard to imagine that Hollywood would be responsible for another fake documentary about a guy finding a girl on Facebook and tracking her down, only to be surprised with what he finds. That’s why you should never, EVER meet someone from the internet. They will most likely end up being a psycho who become obsessed with you and move in with you and get a dog with you. Well, maybe that’s just one scenario, but still. Oh, and don’t worry about spoilers with this one. It’s not a horror film with a huge twist or anything, but I still won’t give away the ending.

Careful, Yaniv! You might be talking to a psycho!

Yaniv Schulman is a photographer in New York who has been receiving painted versions of his photos from an 8-year-old girl in Michigan. He is impressed with the quality of the paintings and seems to be flattered by the amount of attention his photography is getting from this girl. This relationship, which, mind you, is NOT creepy, no matter how this description sounds, starts being documented by Yaniv’s friends. The interest spreads to not only this girl, but also to her mom and to her older, hot model sister. Yaniv starts having phone calls with the mom as well as hot daughter, and things get quite intimate with the hot sister. Their relationship develops into pet names, inappropriate texting, and semi-nude photoshops. One night, the hot sister, also known as “Abby”, starts sending Yaniv acoustic versions of songs he requests. and he is blown away at her talent. After some internet sleuthing, Yaniv discovers that Abby is just finding acoustic versions of all the requests online and sends them, pretending they are her. Yaniv and the film crew decide the only way to get to the bottom of what’s going on is by going to Abby’s house when they are in the area for a videoshoot, and that’s when the mysteries unravel!

Probably should have photoshopped out some of that chest hair. JUST SAYIN’!

Like I said, NOT A THRILLER. We don’t find out that Abby is a psycho killer or anything. Also, it’s not like things are “normal normal normal normal BOOM HOLY SHIT PSYCHO STUFF!!!”. They allude to what’s going on a few times, or maybe I could just pick up on it, but it’s not some surprise that kicks you in the balls. Sure, the “twist” is strange, and somewhat interesting, but it is not at all scary. I think that between Paranormal Activity and movies like The Last Exorcism, everyone kind of expects every documentary looking film to be fake. How could weird shit actually happen to real people? IT’S INSANE, ISN’T IT?! If you can completely ignore the advertising of this film, then you might be able to enjoy it. I think that because I spent so much time expecting something scary, I didn’t get to thoroughly analyze it to the extent that I analyze other films. It definitely wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t really anything distinct about the quality of it. If the curiosity is really driving you nuts, I’m sure you can Google it, or maybe try to see it for free, or you can just email me I guess and I will ruin it for you.

Wolfman Moon Scale