No, I am not writing a review for Rampaige’s last bowel movement. HAHAHA! Take THAT! This is a review for the MOVIE titled “The Burning“. I felt like I had some sort of intro in mind for this film, but I am really distracted right now by the shitty coworkers surrounding me. No, not you, coworkers who read this, but those other coworkers who sit near us and talk about stupid shit loudly. Dammit, what was a I talking about? Gonorrhea or something? I had heard that this movie rivaled Friday the 13th when it comes to slasher films from the 80’s, and when I saw it on Netflix Instant, I figured, why not?! Here we go!
I couldn’t help but think of Zeke the Plumber from Salute Your Shorts the whole time.
There’s a bunch of creepy jerk teenagers who decide to pull a prank on the weird caretaker in the middle of the night. They leave some sort of skull thing with candles in his room, then wake him up, and of course, he accidentally catches on fire and runs screaming into the woods. He manages to find a pond, so he stays alive, but is horribly burned from the accident. Five years later, the summer camp is still open. The caretaker is released from a hospital/asylum into the world, and since he is pissed after being set on fire, he kills a hooker. Then he goes to the camp, where Jason Alexander is a camper….WITH HAIR…and the caretaker just creeps around a whole bunch. He starts killing kids, surprisingly, and then where there is a showdown between final camper and caretaker, we learn that the camper was one of the kids who pulled the prank, causing this to happen, and then the caretaker gets set on fire again, but this time until he is dead.
Look at that hair! LOOK AT COSTANZA’S GLORIOUS HEAD OF HAIR!
Can’t say that I enjoyed this more than Friday the 13th, but that’s mostly because it’s kind of lacking in the plot department. Sure, the violence is pretty fun, and knowing that it’s a real guy who is doing these murders is good, but there still just isn’t much there. I wasn’t sure if the fact that one of the kids who pulled the prank being one of the campers was supposed to be a surprise or not, but it wasn’t all that surprising. It seems like Friday the 13th had come out the year before and this film wanted to take advantage of the “person taking revenge on campers” plot, but only to an extent. It also certainly doesn’t hold a candle to the “person taking revenge on campers….AND HOLY SHIT WHAT A CRAZY ENDING” concept as Sleepaway Camp did two years after this film. It’s still a fun watch, just doesn’t leave a lasting impression.
Wolfman Moon Scale