Oh fuck. Just typing the title of this post is making me realize I have to start, and finish, another series of shitty sequels. And honestly, this is the series I was probably dreading most. When my Netflix movie arrived and I opened it up to reveal the title, Jason X, it was a sad realization of what I needed to embark upon next. Luckily, all previous nine films were available to watch instantly. Yup, nine films…and then Jason X….which takes place in outer space…and then there were two films after that…which I’ve already reviewed. Fuck, I hope I can make it out alive. Most of these films are “Jason goes from point A to point B, kills someone, goes to point C, kills someone, repeat, people find a way to kill Jason”. Lucky for me, the first film barely even features Jason.
I bet that if it wasn’t for Kevin Bacon’s performance in this film, I wouldn’t have gotten to see Denise Richards naked. Ya know, because he was in Wild Things. And Hollow Man.
The film starts by showing us the murder of two camp counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, and shortly after that, we learn that those murders took place a year after a boy drowned at this camp. The camp is in the process of reopening, 23 years after this boy has drowned, and there is a new batch of counselors. One by one the counselors start meeting their grizzly deaths through a variety of camp inspired weapons, such as arrows on an archery range as well as hunting knives. One counselor escapes death and finds help with a woman named Mrs. Voorhees, who is just some old lady. We learn that Mrs. Voorhees is the mother of Jason, the boy who drowned in the lake, and Friday the 13th, the day this is all happening, happens to be his birthday. There’s a showdown between the counselor and Mrs. Voorhees that results in Mrs. Voorhees getting her goddamned het chopped off with a machete. The counselor gets into a canoe and drifts out into the lake, only to have the decomposing corpse of Jason jump out of the water to pull her down, which is when she wakes up in a hospital, realizing she only dreamed that last part.
Mrs. Voorhees! I know you’re upset, but that’s no reason to lose your head! HAHAHAHA!
It might seem silly that I am explaining who Jason is and that Mrs. Voorhees is the actual killer, but I can only imagine seeing this film when it came out and being surprised that the gruesome killer was an old lady. Especially considering what the franchise turned into, it’s pretty shocking that the twist was a lonely mother seeking revenge against the counselors who might play a part in the deaths of more children. Mrs. Voorhees blames the fact that the counselors were having sex rather than watching Jason, which is why there are so many films in the series showing promiscuous sex and drug use. Clearly trying to steal some of the success of Halloween by making a film about a killer who strikes on a day that is connected with scary things, but this film still manages to hold its own. This film might not have reinvented the wheel or done anything groundbreaking, but it really seems to have set the standard for hundreds and hundreds of slasher films that were to follow. You have your violence, your sex, your drugs, and a “twist” ending. This film doesn’t get quite enough credit in the genre as I feel it deserves, and it’s better than A Nightmare on Elm Street. There, I said it.
Wolfman Moon Scale
WHAT ABOUT THE HELLRAISER MOVIES??? REVIEW THOSE INSTEAD
NETFLIX DECIDED FOR ME YOU COCK BUTT!
I LOVE NETFLIX! I’ve had V for Vendetta sitting next to my tv for almost a month now!