Hold on, let me just talk a bunch of shit for a second…

Oh, and it’s going to be about basically the entire internet. I’m not really sure what specific thing caused me to want to write this shit down, but I figured since everyone reading this site probably enjoys how much rage I am filled with, you might enjoy this. Mainly I want to talk about people who use Facebook, Tumblr, Yelp, and YouTube. I was trying to figure out the type of person I hate the most, and I couldn’t really decide one specific group to hate the most, so I’m looking to you guys for answers!

Facebook – I would say that out of all the websites people use, this one is the most easily defended, simply by saying that everyone’s on it. Since when does something being popular mean it’s good? I mean, Nickelback is popular, and, well, do I really need to finish that analogy? I mean, I understand why this website is so helpful, which is that it is easy to communicate with large groups of people quickly and efficiently and share photos and information with them. You might have noticed that I say lots of crazy shit on the internet, and it’s all been using a pseudonym, because sadly, The Wolfman is not my real name. Do you really think I want this shit traced back to my real name? Do you really think I want my coworkers to easily be able to find the crazy shit I say on the internet? Do you know how much time Rampaige spends just Googling people’s names to lurk as much about their lives as possible, and then tries to share that information with me, like I give a shit? I’ve been able to avoid all of this awkwardness by not being on Facebook, and despite the fact that it would bring more traffic to this site, plan on avoiding it like the plague. Call me old fashioned, but anyone who I have found worth communicating with, I have gotten their phone number or email, and continue to interact with them in those ways. Yes, there are lots of people who I used to be friends with through social networking websites, and the fact that I lost all those “friends” is totally fine by me.

Tumblr – Before you guys do some internet sleuthing, yes, I do own the domain thewolfmancometh.tumblr.com, and if I knew how to use Tumblr, I might actually utilize the functionality of it. From what I hear, the reason why so many people use this service is because of how much you can customize it, and it’s quite a powerful blogging tool. Specifically, I would like to mention that Lazer, whose Tumblr can be found at www.natefernald.tumblr.com, is one of the main advocates of this blogging service. He makes up about 1% of the people using Tumblr, the percent that customizes the shit out of it to the point that you don’t even realize you’re looking at someone’s Tumblr. The rest of the people using Tumblr use it for the following purposes: LOLcats, animated GIFs, shitty “photography”, using Hipstamatic/Instagram to post pictures from their phone, animated GIFs from porn, responding to pointless questions being asked by pointless other Tumblr users, pictures of things with a high contrast/saturation ratio, stills from movies with the subtitles, other pictures involving some sort of cryptic text, photos including quotes from Ayn Rand/Charles Bukowski/some other author that people love to love without necessarily reading, or the most common post on Tumblr, REBLOGGING THIS SAME POINTLESS BULLSHIT FROM SOMEONE ELSE’S SHITTY TUMBLR THAT YOU SAW. Honestly, that’s what gets me. It’s not necessarily how shitty and pointless everyone’s posts are, but the fact that other people see it and regurgitate it onto their own shitty Tumblr. Unfortunately no matter how hard I mash the keys on this keyboards, I can’t quite convey the rage I feel about these stupid fucks that think they are contributing anything to anyone anywhere. Granted, I know that there are thousands of other review blogs that talk about the same exact shit I type about, so I know I’m not original, but at least I am actually writing the content that appears here and seldom just post random pictures. Oh shit! I forgot another blog that I like, which is www.agentmlovestacos.tumblr.com, which is run by Agent M from Marvel, and the content he usually publishes is either really cool stuff or original.

Yelp – I have used Yelp quite often to try and find new restaurants or decide which one to go to, and it has generally been pretty helpful. However, the amount of pretentiousness and level of entitlement and superiority of the people who spew their bullshit on there is just so fucking overwhelming. I feel like the people who write reviews on Yelp are people are totally “over” Tumblr because it sold out and is too commercialized. This site is filled with people who really shouldn’t be allowed to leave their fucking houses because the air might not be fresh enough for their liking or the pavement might be a little too rigid for their feet. I think a lot of people are guilty of checking their own place of business on Yelp and seeing what people have to say, and of course, I have, and that’s where most of this hatred comes from. I work in a place that has close to 2 million visitors per year, and I see day after day people posting on Yelp “I mean seriously, why was the line so long?! WTF?!”, and then leaving 2 stars because of this. Are you fucking kidding me? Also, people who complain about prices, without realizing you could have looked up prices for any establishment ahead of time and determine whether or not it’s worth your time. Goddammit, just now trying to look at examples of things that I had, I am faced with misspellings, grammatical errors, and FACTUAL ERRORS, claiming things that don’t exist, exist, and it’s pissing me off. Another problem is the fact that you can only comment on people’s reviews in a positive way, you can’t talk shit on them in hopes of taking them down a notch.

YouTube – If Yelp is full of illiterate, overzealous wannabe professional reviewers, these are the retarded younger siblings of those people, who don’t know how to actually fill out the registration forms on those other sites and are limited to YouTube comments. The good thing about this site is, well, who the fuck reads the comments? Luckily, all comments are underneath the videos, so as long as you only scroll down enough to see the videos, you can avoid the comments entirely. However, through this website and my need to find the code to embed trailers, I sometimes accidentally scroll down too far and see just how stupid the people who comment on YouTube videos are. For example, when I recently reviewed Rubber, about a killer tire, I noticed a comment that someone had left for the trailer. I should mention that a new feature on YouTube comments is that you can give people a thumbs up or thumbs down if you agree with those comments, and comments that gets lots of thumbs up will be bumped closer to the top. I scrolled down past the Rubber trailer, accidentally, and I saw one of the most thumbs upped comments…..”condom.” THAT WAS THE FUCKING COMMENT…SOMEONE JUST TYPED THE WORD CONDOM, WITH A PERIOD, AND A SHITLOAD OF PEOPLE GAVE IT THUMBS UP…BECAUSE THEY AGREED WITH WHAT THIS PERSON WAS SAYING. Fucking kill me now, we’re all doomed.

I was hoping that typing this all out would make me feel better, but I think it made me more angry. If anyone has any counterarguments for anything I have to say, feel free to voice your opinions, because I’m all for it. Oh yeah, and I do have Twitter, which people will argue is extremely pointless, and they’re correct. The biggest issue with Twitter his that you can’t really put that much information, so you are limited in getting information across in only 140 characters. You can’t have a bunch of photos, you can’t have your likes and dislikes, it is absent of what makes all other websites so popular, and that’s why I enjoy Twitter so much. It’s superficial and kills time, and the world wouldn’t be a worse place if all the Twitter supercomputers exploded and no one could have it anymore.

11 responses to “Hold on, let me just talk a bunch of shit for a second…

  1. i don’t really know why you’re so mad about the internet. you sound grouchy and now i’m annoyed.

    • Rampaige and I are both terrified that there might be classes that use my tweets as a case study in hopes of figuring out what sort of dementia I have

    • Wow! That was probably THE must subtle way to try to make me feel guilty for not buying anything for your daughter’s 6th birthday. That’s just rude.

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