No, this post is NOT about movies that are coming out this summer. The following list is composed of films that I own that, for one reason or another, remind me of summer. Considering June is almost over (holy shit, June is almost over), I’d like to invite every single one of you to come over and watch any of these movies. In case you’re wondering the connection of why certain movies remind me of the summer, well, don’t worry, you’re going to be getting witty anecdotes of why those movies remind me of summer. I might leave out a few that I have mentioned in other posts and why they remind me of summer, and this might bore the shit out of you, but it’s a list I’ve been meaning to compile.

• 40 Year Old Virgin – I vaguely remember watching bits of this movie here and there when I was working at a movie theater, but the thing I remember more vividly was watching this movie, on DVD, after hours at the movie theater. We started watching it at midnight, then realized it was LONG AS FUCK, and had to stop watching after an hour because everyone fell asleep.
• The Aristocrats – I saw this movie at the Academy of Music in Northampton, MA, and more importantly than seeing the movie was the fact that through our friends with connections, we were able to go in after it had closed to use a Ouija board. I don’t remember all of the details, but I think at one point a “ghost” used the board to direct the comment of “suck my ass” towards this one asshole douchebag. He deserved it.
• The Cable Guy – There was a point where I would save all of my movie tickets and even compiled them into some big frame. I would write on the ticket itself what movie it was for, since this was before that technology existed. Thinking it would impress a classmate, I remember finding an unlabeled ticket and wrote “The Cable Guy” on it to impress them. I also think it was towards the end of the school year, so I also had that going for me.
• Wall-E – When I first lived in Chicago, I worked at a movie theater as a manager. My hours were a lot more irregular, especially since it was in a suburb, so I got home pretty late. Despite not having much interest in the movie beforehand, my friend Todd Asked if I wanted to go to the midnight show of this movie, which was in a different suburb. We were probably the only two people over the age of 17 in the whole theater, and the movie was fucking awesome. I then tried to get Rampaige to watch it with me online, and she fell asleep, but we saw it in a different theater. She then claimed it was her favorite thing ever, like a giant poseur.
• Star Trek – Rampaige and I saw this in a cheap theater at the first showing one day, and walked around the neighborhood after that. We went into a toy store and I bought a Boba Fett statue, and it was great. That’s a lot shorter than the others.
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World – Do I really need to say why? Last summer I read the entire series of books and then saw the movie a few weeks later, and the movie is awesome. Rampaige and I also took pictures of ourselves pretending to play instruments in front of a giant cardboard cutout of Scott Pilgrim, and I also listened to the soundtrack a bunch. The only problem now is that I watch the movie constantly, and the summer-ness of it is wearing off. Dammit!
• Reservoir Dogs – When I first took my brother’s TV into my room and hooked up a VCR, I watched this movie on VHS all the time. It’s only about an hour and a half long, so I watched it a shitload of times.
• Drag Me to Hell – Wanting to see this movie quite badly and seeing that the closest theater at the time was in a suburb, it was time for Rampaige and I to go on an adventure. The theater ended up being part of the chain I used to work for back in Massachusetts, and shortly after that I applied to be a projectionist and got a job. Man, being a projectionist was sweet. Especially in the summertime when you would leave work and it would be that awesome summer night weather.
• The Dark Knight – I went to a midnight showing for this movie with a bunch of former employees, and all of those employees were high schoolers. All of the managers, myself included, went to a bar across the street where I watched the other managers do some shots. We returned to the theater about five minutes before the movie was supposed to start, and the high schoolers were so fucking pissed about how hard it was to save four seats together that was right in the middle of the theater. Hahaha those dumb bastards.
• Chicken Run – I saw this in theaters with my mom, and I’m pretty sure I saw every movie that came out that summer with my mom. I also remember stopping at a Wal-Mart while driving back from California and buying a bunch of cheap DVDs, including this, Spaceballs, and You Got Served. I returned You Got Served.
• Evil Dead – The first time I saw this was after hearing something about a guy chopping his own hand off and replacing it with a chainsaw. I was kind of pissed to find out that it didn’t happen during the first movie, and over the next three days watched each installment. Years later, I bought the movies on DVD during the summer, and every time I put them in, I fell asleep. I had to try watching them so many goddamn times before I finally could stay awake.
• Garden State – I went to visit my friend Lazer, who lived in Eastern Massachusetts, and we traveled to Boston to go see The Polyphonic Spree. Yes, there was a point in time where I went to go see The Polyphonic Spree at a music venue. Since we had time to kill, we went to see this movie first. And despite even knowing back then how cringe-worthy the line of “Who are you listening to? The Shins? Oh man, The Shins! The Shins are the best!” or whatever it was, I liked it. I don’t even know if I’ve watched it since then, but the weather was warm when I saw it.
• Hotel for Dogs – Even though this movie came out in january a few years ago, Rampaige and I were still fucking pumped to see it, which we did in theaters. However, Chicago holds an event called “Movies in the Park” where you get to watch movies outside, that are usually kid-friendly. The first movie we went to see in a park? Yup, Hotel for Dogs. And Nate came and so did Rocky the dog, and it was as awesome as you can imagine.
• Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark/Temple of Doom/The Last Crusade/The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull  – Actually, fuck Temple of Doom. Not in a permanent sense, but in the sense of it reminding me of the summer. Raiders is another movie that Rampaige, Nate, Rocky and I went to see at a Movies in the Park event, so there’s that, but it goes further. When Beardy Joe and I were visiting our friend Todd in L.A., a movie theater was showing a double feature of Raider and Last Crusade, completely leaving out Temple of Doom. It was awesome. Also, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is another midnight movie that I was glad to go to, and as much shit as people talk about it, how many other movies that came out that year had Indiana Jones as the titular character?
• Independence Day – Holy shit, does it really need to be said? I saw this in theaters on July 3rd of the year it came out, which I know because it opened July 2nd and when the movie showed JULY 3RD in huge letters onscreen, I was pumped because it meant THAT day. I think I had an ID4 poster, which, by the way, is the shittiest abbreviation for the movie, considering there isn’t a “4” in the title, but, whatever. Also, one of my first years watching this after “growing up” was after watching Springfield, MA’s fireworks from the roof of City Hall, and we then proceeded to the movie theater I worked at to watch it on the big screen. It’s awesome every single year to watch on the 4th.
• Jaws – Another no-brainer. One of the few movies I’ve watched that have made me homesick for Massachusetts, because when you see the shitty, cold beaches of Martha’s Vineyard, it make you want to go to those beaches. There was also a point where I would read the book “every summer”, which was probably only three summers total, because I always mean to read it before the 4th of July, and just like this year, completely fucking forget.
• Napoleon Dynamite – Hate this movie all you want, I don’t care, because I probably haven’t seen it since it came out. However, when it did come out, I think I saw it in theaters three times. I was so pumped anytime I found some sort of new Napoleon Dynamite toy, because, believe it or not, there was a time when people WERE oblivious to it. One of those times seeing it was in Northampton, MA at the Pleasant Street Theater, which was pretty cool because the back rows were made of couches instead of regular theater chairs.
• Scooby-Doo – One of the first movies that was showing my first summer at a movie theater, and I really liked that Outkast song that played at the credits. I remember that I was cleaning the theaters after the movie and I got really excited and then proceeded to run up to the screen and dance around. After being blinded by the projector light and furiously dancing, I noticed there were still people in the theater, watching me dance. Whoops.
• Sleepaway Camp – It was so fucking hot when I watched this movie in my living room. All the shades were down and the air conditioner was on and my friend Bill had come over to see the movie because he was bored. I had no idea what I was in for, and no idea how fucking crazy the twist ending was. But even more memorable was the drink I had from 7-11. Remember when they had a cup that you filled with fountain soda, and to keep the soda cold, there was a special lid that extended to the bottom of the cup, and then you filled THAT with Slurpee?! Holy shit was that awesome, I drank so many of them all the time. bring them back, 7-11!
• Snakes on a Plane – The year this came out I was reading at the movie theater I was working at, which was dangerous because there was a Barnes & Noble right next door. This means I would typically buy a book before my shift and finish it a couple of days later, only to buy more books, and finish them. One book I bought out of desperation was the novelization of Snakes on a Plane. That’s right, the novelization. And ya know what? I read it before the movie even came out. I don’t even think I saw it in theaters because I knew everything that would happened. Goddammit what a mistake that was.
• Zombi 2/3/4/5 – The first film in the series was another one of those movies that I decided to watch at the movie theater I worked at on DVD and had invited someone oblivious to horror films to watch. That person wasn’t impressed, and I probably wasn’t blown away either. I ended up buying it, as well as the three subsequent films on DVD, and one day went to my friend Conor’s apartment to watch them all. here’s a little tip, Zombie 3-5 are fucking awful and no one ever needs to watch them. They are all different kinds of zombies and in different parts of the world and nothing ties anything together. Bullshit. Oh, and I bought pistachio ice cream that day and would take a spoonful and spit out the actual pistachios into a separate bowl. What a fucking weirdo.

There you have it, assbags. And I hate to admit, but that list was actually even longer, but I had to delete some that weren’t even close to funny. I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking “Does that mean he thinks THESE are funny?! What a fuckhead!” To which I really don’t have a good response. Offer still stands that you can come over and watch these with us sometime before the summer’s over!