Well, you might not quite understand the title of this post, but I do! Firstly, I recently watched “Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom”, but the reason I changed it to 4 is because I recently went to Massachusetts for four days! Get it now?! Oh man, I’m clever. Just to get this out of the way, no, I will not be reviewing Salò, because it’s not really a movie you can review. The plot is about a group of fascist Nazis who take 9 boys and 9 girls hostage and over 120 days, supposedly, these 18 kids are humiliated, physically and sexually. There’s poop eating and eyeball gouging and all that good shit, but that’s basically it. I can’t really say the movie was all that good, but considering the subject matter, I also can’t really say it was all that bad. I could spend a whole bunch of time looking deeper into why there was a feast of human feces being served for dinner and how that represents something else, but I don’t really feel like it. I didn’t feel much for it either way, but there are plenty of people that both condemn and commend this film for what it accomplished. I’m sure some people could say the same about a film like “Serbian Film”, but at least that had a plot. Now onto the good stuff! One of my favorite things about visiting home is the food I eat, which isn’t necessarily the absolute greatest, but you can only get it back in Massachusetts, so I eat as much of it as possible.

New England style clam chowder from the Boston Sail Loft, delicious. Funny story about clam chowder is that once when I was on a trip to southern California, I stopped by a restaurant that claimed to have the “World’s Best Clam Chowder”. I was pretty sure this was an exaggeration, but I took the plunge anyway. As soon as the bowl arrived, it was Manhattan style, which immediately negated the possibility of it being the world’s best. I was pissed.

Definitely more of a regional taste, I always make sure to get Friendly’s, because everything is fattening. Despite the fact that their menu is comprised of stereotypical Americana bullshit, my favorite thing to eat are the quesadillas. There is just something magical about them, which is why they refused to be captured in a photograph.

Nick’s Nest has great hot dogs, but that’s mostly because they soak in butter for about three years before you eat them. No matter how many times I get these hot dogs, I still refuse to put any condiments on them out of fear that they might take away from the buttery meat tubes I cram down my throat.

And finally, the thing that makes it all worthwhile, Antonio’s pizza in Amherst, MA. What you can see here is honey mustard chicken pizza, which might not sound mind-blowing, but trust me, it is. It’s a white pizza that has grilled chicken on it, then slather it in honey and in mustard. Confused? You should be. You read that correctly, they slather honey AND mustard. None of this bullshit honey mustard combo sauce, but both ingredients added separately. This means some bites have more honey, some have more mustard, but it’s always delicious.

This isn’t food, this is my friend Mark at his job. What you’re seeing is row after row after row of older comic books, and his job is to organize them. Sure, some people might think it sounds tedious and boring, but after visiting him for about 45 minutes, I didn’t want to leave. There’s just something about organization and going through box after box that makes you feel like you’re accomplishing something. Knowing that someday, after many many days, everything will be organized in its correct place. Plus, we were there at 11pm when we had the place all to ourselves. The bonus is that it is in Easthampton, MA, in a building called “Eastworks” that used to be a giant factory. The building is now renovated, and there’s just a shit ton of small businesses, like some sort of old time-y, shitty mall. The empty hallways and sterile bathrooms with their fluorescent light were both charming and terrifying. Now check out the things that I bought!

Let’s go bottom to top (that’s what she said). High Tension was on sale at Best Buy for $6, and could have been bought anywhere, but was instead bought back in Massachusetts. Fantastic Mr. Fox was purchased at Newbury Comics in Northampton, MA, rather than it’s old location in Amherst. No trip home is complete without visiting this store and trying to find deals on used Blu Rays or other random shitty toys. Which leads me to that awesome Darth Vader mug in the middle, which says “Join Us Or Die”. Since Rampaige has a cool owl mug that’s big, I deserved one, and it just so happens to be Star Wars. Speaking of Star Wars, you’ll notice those Star Wars LEGO sets that were purchased with the help of Beardy Joe. The set on the left is from Clone Wars and has C-3PO, R2-D2, Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and some douchebag named Captain Rex. There were only 2000 of these made and they were only sold at San Diego Comic Con in 2010. I bought them thinking that I’d put them together, but, well, instead put it up on eBay. TIMES ARE TOUGH! The three sets on the right consist of Boba Fett, Bossk, 4-Lom, Dengar, and IG-88. IT’S FUCKING AWESOME. Again, limited to only 2000, but these were only sold at Star Wars Celebration V, and, well, I bought extras knowing I would sell them. Consumerism! See that big thing in back? That’s Hogwart’s Castle. You might be wondering why I bought a huge LEGO set when I just mentioned needing to save money, and did you know how much I paid? ONLY $32 FOR THAT FUCKER. Normally it is over $100, but since Beardy Joe works for LEGO, it was 75% off, so, it was fucking awesome. Currently I am about halfway through building it because Rampaige went out tonight and decided to have a social life, and I look forward to more nights alone where I am allowed to be a fucking loser and build LEGO sets.