But just in case you haven’t seen Henry Cavill dressed up as Zack Snyder’s “Man of Steel”…

It took my about ten minutes to figure out whether or not he was standing in front of a safe or a train, and I guess it’s a safe. Why is his suit covered in fish scales? Is he fucking Aquaman? NO HE’S NOT AQUAMAN. THAT GUY’S ORANGE. Well, maybe this guy actually is orange, but I can’t tell because it’s Zack Fucking Snyder who seems to have a problem with the saturation of EVERY FUCKING MOVIE HE SHOOTS. I mean, his cape is kind of red, I guess, but is that suit even blue? Is the shield yellow? I can’t fucking tell because it looks like shit. To be fair, I don’t really like Superman at all and think this movie will suck, but I guess he is trying to make Superman look like a hardass. I will admit that in Superman Returns when he got shot in the eye by a bullet…well, it was pretty awesome. When you have powers like being bullet-proof, super-strength, super-speed, ice breath and lazer eyes, it’s kind of hard to show them all off without making this guy invincible. One problem is that he practically is fucking invisible and his only weaknesses are kryptonite, which is a physical substance that he can just try to stay away from, and being away from Earth’s yellow sun. I guess if Snyder makes a movie where he is in a kryptonite spaceship flying away from our solar system it might be away to show his vulnerability? I think the only Superman story that I enjoyed was Kingdom Come because Superman realized he wasn’t really what the people of Earth wanted anymore so he became a farmer. I thought that maybe Bryan Singer’s movie would show that a little bit, but rather than taking the tone of everyone moving on without him, it was more focused on people wondering where he had been. I really just hope this movie has slow-motion ninja babes with a modern rock soundtrack.