ThanksKilling 3 (2012) [REVIEW]

thankskilling 3 movie poster 2012 large

 

Whoa whoa whoa, Wolfman, why are you reviewing ThanksKilling and ThanksKilling 3 but clearly skipping over part 2?! You fucking idiot! There is no part 2! I’ll get to that in a moment. I did a double feature with these two movies in one night and boy oh boy, it was fucking painful. A good part of the night was spent making the dogs, named Frankenstein and Igor, run around and chew stuff and dance and drink water of the floor. They tried eating dark chocolate peanut M & M’s but we wouldn’t let them! Hahahaha, stupid dogs! Point is, I recommend hanging out with dogs to get through this fucking pile of shit movie.

 

thankskilling 3 movie dubstep grandma flowis

CREEPY AS SHIT DUBSTEP GRANNY

As promised at the end of the first film, its sequel takes place in space. The first show is of tits hanging out of a space suit when a turkey in a space ship flies over and says, “Nice tits, bitch…in space!” WHOA, WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?! There are a few more space sequences before we cut to the turkey in a sitcom-esque living room, complete with laughtrack, as he sees on the news that “ThanksKilling 2” is considered the worst movie in history and all copies are going to be destroyed. He goes off in search of the only remaining copy, which is owned by a felt puppet that claims she has lost her mind and is on a mission to find it? There is also like some robot and a worm with a mustache and a puppet of an old lady who loves dubstep and is a hip hop performer and her grandson is trying to open up a theme park called “Thanksgivingland” and there’s a 16-bit Nintendo-esque sequence. There’s just….there’s so much stuff happening in this fucking movie and it was all fucking nonsense. I’m not going to try to sift through it all, just believe me when I say it’s got tons of wacky shit and none of it makes sense.

 

thankskilling 3 movie nintendo videogame

“NO WE SHOULDN’T CUT A SINGLE MOMENT FROM THAT FIRST DRAFT SCRIPT!!!”

Guys….what the fuck was this movie. It’s like the Crank: High Voltage of demonic turkey films, but awful. Let it be known that Crank: High Voltage is amazing. ThanksKilling 3 was funded through KickStarter and raised its budget of over $100,000 and I feel like everyone who contributed got to make a decision as far as what happened in the movie. Want a worm crawling into a robot’s butt? Sure! Want a monster known as “FrankenTurkey” that sounds like Brian Posehn? Why not?! Space boobs? Of course! Want the worm puppet to be replaced with a hot dog for a few shots? YOU FUCKING GOT IT! They got their movie made, so fuck it, good for them. If I knew a way that I could get that much money to make a movie, I’m sure it would be garbage too.

 

thankskilling 3 movie turkie skeleton

WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN HAPPENING ANYMORE?!

Once you get past the fact that this movie is a clusterfu–wait, you can’t get past that it’s a clusterfuck. IT’S OVER AN HOUR AND A HALF LONG. For as stupid as the first film is, at least it’s over relatively quickly. This movie was so fucking exhausting in how it tries to make you figure out what the fuck is happening. It seems like the filmmakers made this garbage movie that gained a cult following for how bad it was and then with this film they went balls out to include every single fucking thing they ever wanted to include in a movie. Don’t get me wrong, there are quite a few laugh out loud moments, but when those moments are surrounded in absolute garbage, it’s hard to say it’s really worth watching for those few chuckles. And the self-reflexive acknowledgement of the fact that it’s a movie just added another layer of WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. GUYS…..THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING NUTS. DID I MENTION IT’S OVER AN HOUR AND A HALF LONG?! Maybe if you can find a version that had 40 minutes cut out of it then it can be enjoyed, but as it is now, I can’t really say it’s worth watching. Sorry, turkey.

 

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