Here we go again! Christmas is nearly upon us so you guys can all anticipate a slew of Christmas horror movies. Since I took care of some of the bigger ones over the past few years, I’m going a little bit deeper into the selection to maybe find some things that are a little less known. Since last year I watched the first two movies in this franchise, I went with Silent Night, Deadly Night III: Better Watch Out! to try to finish off the series. Jesus, that’s a long fucking title. Considering how much footage from yhe first movie was in the second movie, I was kind of anticipating this one to also be full of shit I’d already seen, but no! It’s almost entirely new footage! It also makes no fucking sense and is pretty shitty! Woohoo!
Oh don’t worry, it’s just a dream! Nobody ACTUALLY tries to hurt anyone while dressed as Santa in this movie!
It’s approaching Christmas and Laura (Samantha Scully) is having some strange visions of a guy dressed in a Santa suit murdering people. Despite the fact that Laura is blind, she seems to have some sort of clairvoyance that Dr. Newbury (Richard Beymer) tries to use to his advantage. Another resident of the hospital where Laura gets exams is Ricky (Bill Moseley), the murderer from the previous film! Having been fatally wounded at the end of the previous film, Ricky is in a coma and has some giant plastic shell over the top of his head? I don’t know why that was happening, but it did. When someone dressed as Santa visits Ricky, it snaps him out of his coma, and the psychic connection that Laura shared with Ricky means that he has a psychic connection to her and uses that to track her down! Ricky starts killing people (while not dressed as Santa) to get to Laura, but he is ultimately stopped. Then there’s the tag at the end that shows him saying, “Happy new year,” to imply that he will be back to cause more mayhem.
HAHAHAHA LOOK AT THAT STUPID FUCKING BOWL ON HIS HEAD TO PROTECT HIS BRAIN.
Yes, you read that right, there is no murder committed by anyone in a Santa suit. THAT’S SUCH BULLSHIT. That was the coolest part about these movies! The fact that people trust Santa, even though he asks people to sit on his lap, and then he murders them. Instead, Ricky has a fucking plastic bowl on his head? THAT MAKES NO SENSE. And he’s basically brain-damaged the entire movie so it’s not like he says anything goofy about it being garbage day or anything. I think maybe the filmmakers were nervous that they were running out of places for the franchise to go and thought, “Hey, let’s throw telekinesis into the mix! That’ll shake things up!” without realizing nobody was watching these movies for interesting plot points. Remember when that happened in the Friday the 13th movies? Introducing a telekinetic character to do battle with Jason? Yeah, it made no sense, and this movie also failed to breathe life into this series. It’s pretty boring and dumb, the death scenes aren’t that funny, so there’s really no reason to watch this. Although I guess it was kind of funny to see Ricky wearing a hat OVER the giant plastic bowl that was on his head to protect his brains. OH YEAH! And did you notice the clever wordplay of the title? “Better Watch Out”? IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE LAURA IS BLIND. SHE CAN’T FUCKING SEE SO THE MOVIE IS NAMED AFTER HOW COOL IT WOULD BE IF SHE COULD SEE! Take THAT blind people. If only you could watch out, your lives would be so much better. Oh yeah, but let’s remind Samantha Scully next time that her character is supposed to be blind the WHOLE movie, because she performs quite a few tasks that even I would fall down for attempting and I’ve got two pretty cool eyes.
Wolfman Moon Scale