SX_TAPE (2013) [REVIEW]

sxtape sx_tape movie poster large

 

Sometimes I get screeners for movies and I feel like a big shot. It means I get to see the movie before all you other losers! Hahahaha! Now that the internet is so popular, it’s becoming more and more common to get links for online screeners. I try to watch everything I get in advance, but sometimes it takes a few days, maybe even a few weeks. I cannot tell you how anxious I was to watch SX_TAPE because of how weird I felt seeing an email in my inbox that said “SX_TAPE”. I KEPT THINKING IT WAS PORN. Or that my spam was fucked up. I went ahead and rushed to watch SX_TAPE and now I am very sad because this movie was very bad. Ha, that rhymed! Nailed it, Wolfman. Great story.

 

sx_tape sx tape movie Caitlyn Folley mirror

It’s almost, ALMOST like staring into a broken mirror is a metaphor her persona being shattered. Almost.

In an interrogation room, a distraught woman asks about her boyfriend who the detective informs her is dead! The film then cuts to the boyfriend’s camera as he was filming his girlfriend doing some paintings. We spend a little while seeing this couple have sex and be “cute” when they stumble upon an abandoned hospital/facility/mansion/who cares. Their smart idea? Go and explore! First they’re afraid of criminals in the neighborhood, then they’re afraid of cops checking out the scene, but then those fears escalate to something unseen. While just goofing around, the boyfriend straps his girlfriend to a bed and leaves. Ya know, for goofs! Something unspeakable happens to her that is so awful that she blacks out and has no memory of it. When their car breaks down while leaving, they ask for the help of some friends of theirs who are more interested in going back to investigate. Spooky noises happen, the mysterious history of what happens here is exposed, and not everyone lives. The movie ends and I am happy because this was not a fun thing to watch. Oh yeah, did I mention that this was shot POV/found footage style? Yeah, we needed more of those.

 

sx_tape sxtape movie Caitlyn Folley files boxes

What could be in there? Secret information about weird experiments on patients? Now THAT would be unheard of!

Who are all these fucking people just hanging out in abandoned medical facilities and why are they so easy to get into and why are there so many!? Having people in an abandoned medical facility is one of the most cliched things to see in horror, so it’s not surprise that the whole movie was full of cliches. There was one, ONE glimmer of hope that might have made this movie better than it was. When the audience sees the girl strapped to the bed and something starts appearing out of nowhere, the audience doesn’t really know if it’s a supernatural threat or a physical threat. This is due in part to the low-budget of the movie not being able to afford crazy digital effects, but relied on saying, “Hey you, go over there and look spooky.” Had they gone the other way and focused on actual people living there secretly, I would have been much more engaged. The acting isn’t good, the scares are predictable, and the explanation of why these things happened was quick and boring. Oh yeah, and at the end there was this weird blowjob sextape thing where a penis was digitally blurred for no real reason whatsoever. DUMB. NO THANKS. I WANT TO SEE ALL OF THE PENISES. Whoa…that went in a weird direction.

 

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