Thank you, Netflix Instant, for giving me access to movies I would never purposely watch. I’m assuming the target demographic for most films available on Netflix Instant are people too lazy to recognize a bad movie when they see it. In other words? Me. I got suckered into watching this movie because, well, come on! Look at that poster! Something about things in the woods who may or may not be little! The description was unclear as to whether or not they were ghosts or zombies or little shithead kids, but I would soon find out. Oh, and Hit Girl is in it. Yup, that’s right, Chloe Moretz, and Rampaige thinks she is just oh so cute!

Awww! Hit Girl is so little(er)!

There’s a family driving to a house they inherited when the father dies. I use the term “family” loosely, because it’s just a mom and her two daughters. I wonder if people will be pissed at me for pointing out that this isn’t a traditional family, hence my use of the term “loosely”? Fuck it, it’s a mom and two daughters and the husband is dead so they are going to the house they inherited from his family that’s in the middle of the woods. Supposedly there are stories of spooky things happening there, but as I mentioned, kind of unclear as to what those things are. Chloe plays the youngest daughter, which makes sense since she was probably only 8 years old, but goes missing one night. Rather than trying to find a good segue to talk about what the wicked little things are, I will tell you that they are the ghosts/zombies of children who died in a mining accident. The children were used as workers to fit into small spots, and when it came time to make a choice of the adults dying or sacrificing little kids, they let the kids die. Now they are coming back to kill the family members of the parties responsible. Some people die, some people live, and eventually the family is able to get away because the ancestor of the main person in charge gets killed. Yay Hit Girl!

They’re so cute in their little hats! Like a Charles Dickens novel or some shit!

The reason this movie will not be getting a shitty rating is because of the wicked little things themselves. It’s easy to make a movie about ghosts or zombies or any other monsters that are used often, but then you automatically set rules for what is and is not possible. If you call a movie a vampire movie, you know they can’t go in the sunlight. If it’s a zombie movie, you know you just have to shoot them in the head. This movie was quite vague with what the little kids were, so they were able to get shot in the gut, and sit right back up. They weren’t quite ghosts, because they were using weapons on people and couldn’t quite transport through walls or anything like that. Granted, this movie still wasn’t that good, but I definitely enjoyed the vagueness of what these things were, so you were surprised along with the characters in regards to what they were and were not capable of. I’d say it’s Instant Queue worthy, but don’t worry about having the disk mailed to you.

Wolfman Moon Scale