Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2008) [REVIEW]

 

If you are reading this review and not currently watching this film, you should be kicking yourself in the nuts or punching yourself in the boobs, whichever you prefer. This is going to be one of the hardest reviews anyone will ever have to do, because it’s impossible to convey in words all the ways in which this film goes above and beyond any movie that ever has been made or ever will be made. James Nguyen not only masterfully scripts elegant dialogue that sounds like a symphony of the English language, but also directs this film to create vast landscapes of the horror that is nature. But to be fair, I feel as though the lead actors Alan Bagh and Whitney Moore needed hardly any direction, because some skills can be taught, but clearly their performances are something you need to be born with. The visual effects by Yeung Chan make you wonder what he actually did for the film, because everything is so realistic, it’s hard to believe you aren’t watching a documentary as nature rebels against human civilization.

 

Unleashing some unleaded justice.

The story is a tale as old as time, a young man Rod (Bagh) wants the American dream: a good job, a good wife, and to the leave smallest ecological footprint any human ever has. Just look at his Mustang…it gets 100 miles to the gallon because it is 100% electric. Or maybe the fact that he is planning on spending 19,00 dollars to install solar panels on his house. That’s the kind of guy Rod is, he spares no expense to save the environment. You can feel the chemistry oozing off the screen when he meets former classmate Nathalie (Moore) as they start their passionate relationship after a chance meeting in a diner. You get swept into the film and think you are watching a romance that rivals Casablanca,The Notebook, or Runaway Bride, but when the birds show up, you realize why Nguyen is the master of the romance thriller.

If you aren’t in love with this face, you have no reproductive organs.

This movie does for birds what The Birds did for birds, but this film does it birdy-er. With angrier birds. More birds. There are so many birds, you will feel like there is an epidemic of birds. Like some sort of bird epidemic. I wonder if that’s where the film got its name? The world may never know. I don’t want to go into too much detail about what happens when the birds show up, because it’s definitely something you have to see to believe. And even once you see it, you might not believe the terror that is happening on-screen.

The onslaught comes from eagles AND vultures. That’s right, two species of terror.

Seriously though folks, this movie is so terribly awful, it is hilarious. The acting is as bad as any pornographic film that leads to an orgy of carnage rather than an orgy of boobs and wieners. It’s really enjoyable to watch movies with budgets this low and know that the lead male character was most likely the director’s friend who was the best actor, and the lead female was the most attractive person the director knew. If you enjoyed Tommy Wiseau’s The Room, this film is definitely for you. Slight problem being that it hasn’t had a wide theatrical release, nor is it available on DVD. I have heard, however, there are ways people can see it using the internet. I won’t go into too much detail, but if there is any way for you to see this movie, whether it be legal or otherwise, I recommend it. For me, the highlights were any time there were numbers involved in this film, they chose the most arbitrary numbers possible. For example “I am selling my gasoline, but it’s one hundred dollars a gallon,” or, “I just made a sale for one million dollars,” and of course, “We just sold the company for one billion dollars.” Pure genius. There’s also a scene with a mother giving career advice to her daughter, and, I can’t even bring myself to describe the emotion involved. I included a link to the trailer below, but BEWARE, the less you see of this movie the better, so it’s that much more of a surprise.

Wolfman Moon Scale

Normally, this is where I insert a graphic of a phase of the moon related to how much I enjoyed this movie.

Let’s just say that in this still from the film, each bird represents one hundred full moons:

Official Site
IMDb

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