I FINALLY FUCKING DID IT. Here we are, the last film of this franchise. It was tough, and most of these movies sucked bags of dicks, but I made it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…remake whatever goddamned movie you want, I’ll judge it on its own merit. I really can’t blame them for attempting this, because they tried to instill fear in the Freddy character again. The makeup was made to look a lot more realistic, like an actual burn victim, and they cast Jackie Earl Haley as Freddy Krueger, which I think was a solid choice. I don’t see this as a slight on Robert Englund, rather that he shouldn’t be expected to play a role differently that he head been playing his own way for 25 years.

That’s not chalk! You’re gonna ruin the chalkboard ya dummy!

In the town of Springwood, there are a few teenagers having dreams about a guy with a burned face and a glove with sharp claws on it. Obviously the parents dismiss these dreams, until one girl finally gets killed. Her boyfriend, who was there at the time, is obviously blamed for this. Upon confronting their parents, they confess that Fred Krueger was a custodian at the preschool all of these teenagers went to, and when they had assumed Freddy had played with their peckers and buttholes, the parents killed Freddy. The teens now assume that Freddy is taking his vengeance on being unjustifiably murdered, since they never found proof, and they seek out their old school to find a way to end Freddy.When they get there, turns out that Freddy did diddle them, and of course they start falling asleep to fight him. That’s when they kill him. The end!

Where’d your lips go, Freddy?! Did you forget to attach them? What a dummy!

I would say they succeeded in making Freddy scarier in this film than in any previous incarnation. He was a lot more similar to the Freddy from the very first film, and just visually was a lot more disturbing. The lines he delivered seemed to be these guttural sounds being released by a mad man, rather than quips from a guy who looks like he has rubber on his face. Big problem with this movie? They lead you to believe that Freddy was wrongly accused and is just killing everyone because he was an innocent man who burned to death. Maybe they only lead you to believe that for 20 minutes before confirming he wasn’t innocent, but I’d say it was 20 minutes too long. Feel free to skip this one, unless of course you were already scared of Freddy, because this is an opportunity to see a good actor do a good job of making him scary again. FUCK YOU NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET SERIES, I’M DONE WITH YOU.

Wolfman Moon Scale