I am not fucking looking forward to all this Hellraiser bullshit for the next month, but I guess I brought this on myself. The chick from the first one is now in a mental institution because she really had to deal with some serious shit. While there, some crazy spooky dream stuff happens, and she thinks that her dad is in hell. Her boyfriend goes to investigate a creepy doctor from the institution and finds that he is obsessed with the Rubik’s Cube from Hell, and has the mattress that the bitch from the first movie died on. After sacrificing someone on the mattress, the Hellbitch comes back to life, looking for more sacrifices. Some bullshit happens and the Cenobites come back and turn the shithead doctor into a Cenobite. He kills the other Cenobites to try to be all badass, but he looks dumb. Whatever. The bad guys die, the good guys win, and everyone goes about their business. The movie ends with some scene alluding to the story not being over, and guess what, IT’S NOT! HAHAHA!

Basically only posting this picture so I can use the term “blood boobs”. Check out this bitch’s blood boobs.

Most people mention this being one of their favorite Hellraiser movies, which I guess I just don’t get. Maybe I went into this one expecting it to not be that good, and seeing that it wasn’t that good, am just confused. Maybe those other people are remembering something different, and were they to watch it again, would realize it isn’t that good. Who knows. It’s not that it’s necessarily bad, it’s really just more of the same from the first, just not quite as good. There’s one scene where the Hellbitch loses her skin and another character wears that skin to trick someone, which was kind of funny, but not quite enough to be worth watching. Again, the imagery was kind of cool, but they were already starting to stretch the story in this film, which doesn’t make you too hopeful for the six films that followed this one.

Wolfman Moon Scale