Have I ever seen the first Predator, start to finish? No, I don’t think I have. I know who is in it, and a general idea of what happens, but I don’t think I ever had the desire nor the attention span to dedicate time to the original. I do remember watching Predator 2 because I borrowed it from a friend right before I moved out of an apartment because all my DVDs were packed, and even then the only thing I kind of remember is a Danny Glover vs. Predator fist fight. The Alien vs. Predator movies both kind of sucked, so I really have no idea why I watched this movie in the first place. I guess I figured that the involvement of Robert Rodriguez would make it a more entertaining movie? I’m just trying to say that I had low expectations for this movie, but it showed up on Netflix, so obviously had to watch it. Damn!
LOOKS LIKE BRODY-MAN’S BEEN WORKIN’ OUT.
Adrien Brody, also known as Brody-Man, also known as the character of “Royce” in this film, is seen falling through the sky, having a parachute open, and land on the ground. He sees a few other people on the ground, and one thing they have in common is that none of them know where they are or how they got there. Through talking to one another, they find out they are all deadly people, whether they are mercenaries, prisoners, or members of the Yakuza. After trying to figure out where they are, they determine that they are not even on Earth, and then get attacked by alien dog monsters. After following those tracks, they come across an imprisoned alien predator, and get the feeling that some crazy shit is going on. The group finds Laurence Fishburne, also known as Larry, who admits that he’s been living on this planet for years. I guess there was something about two different kinds of predators and they hate each other or some sort of backstory, I don’t know, but Brody-Man kills Larry, but not before Larry gives away the plot points that the alien predators are honing their hunting skills by killing the strongest members of other planets. Eventually Brody-Man kills some of the predators, including an homage to the original involving mud and fire, only to end the movie with Brody-Man and some lady watching as a new group of recruits lands on the planet. Is this the end of Brody-Man?
Apparently this was a new kind of predator. Looks exactly the fucking same to me. Go figure!
Some people might get cranky over the fact that I left out some of the plot details because I got bored typing them, but fuck those people. I don’t think not mentioning the Topher Grace double-cross or the fact that the planet was a “game preserve” will reduce the quality of this movie, or my thoughts. Topher Grace claims to have been the one to set everything up, which means there has to be some sort of human/predator communication? How the fuck did that happen? And how did they find Topher Grace? Did they were trenchcoats and ask to meet him in a dark alley? I guess this movie was entertaining enough, but didn’t really do much for me either way. I’m sure that big Predator fans will be annoyed at this movie just at its mere existence, but I didn’t really mind it or find it that much worse than the Alien vs. Predator movies. Really the only thing of note that I took away from this movie was seeing Brody-Man as somewhat of an asshole, and the one scene where a predator grabs a guy’s spine and rips it out completely, all the way up to and including his skull. Gnarly.
Wolfman Moon Scale