I was trying to learn a little bit more about movies that were coming to DVD that I could review, because I forget things easily, because I’m an idiot. In this search for upcoming horror movies, I found a website that is cleverly titled Upcoming Horror Movies. What’s good about it is that it tells you about upcoming horror movies. What a novel idea! While browsing this website, I noticed that every week they mention what is hitting DVD and/or Blu Ray, and I can add things to my queue from there. Seeing that there was a movie about a banshee, my interest was piqued, since the idea of wailing spirits is pretty creepy to me. One thing about this website, known as UHM for short, is that there aren’t always reviews listed with the movies coming out, so I had no idea how good this would be. I guess this could also be looked at as a good thing because I had no preconceived notion of how it would be. Or, it could have spared me from watching this steaming pile of shit.
Poor Lauren Holly…your butt looked so cool in Dumb & Dumber! Hahaha okay, this isn’t Lauren Holly, but it did give me an excuse to use the word “butt”.
The film starts with a group of medieval knights battling a robed figure, ultimately trapping the head of the figure in the box. Spoiler alert, it’s a banshee. Cut to present day, we see an actress who looks like she was hired because she looked like Lauren Holly had been melted a little bit and had fake boobs slapped onto her. Turns out, it actually was Lauren Holly, and I hate to break the news to you, but she melted and looks like she had fake boobs slapped onto her. Her character is an archaeology professor who, along with some of her students, finds a box hidden at the university which contains the disfigured head of some sort of banshee-like creature. Can you see where this is going? The banshee head screams and we get to see hilarious reaction shots of what these actors would do if they heard loud sounds. This is where things get a little complicated, if by complicated I mean shitty. Who am I kidding, this thing was shitty from the start. Apparently the banshee scream cursed all of the characters who heard it and they all suffer from banshee-influenced hallucinations, some of them are even attacked and killed. It is determined that screaming when you see the banshee is what gives her power, so if you are quiet when you see her, you’re cool. The box was hidden years ago by Lance Henriksen, who plays Lance Henriksen, and all the characters go to him for help at his mansion that is strewn with female mannequins, which I assumed was filmed at his actual house. The banshee confronts everyone there, kills Lance, but eventually her head gets put back in the box, saving everyone from the creature.
I have a feeling that Mr. Henriksen also provided his own shotgun and robe.
Remember when I reviewed that movie Chupacabra Terror? This movie is equally as shitty. These movies are terrible and the creature is completely arbitrary, but by throwing in a word like “banshee” or “chupacabra”, it’s almost like you expect someone to build upon the strange and creepy phenomenon. Wrong! I’ve also learned that Lauren Holly really has nothing better to do these days, and that Lance Henriksen really will be in ANY movie, as long as the check clears. Does anyone know Lance Henriksen’s going rate is these days? He is part of a group of actors that I really believe have a daily rate for “work”, and as long as you pay them that rate, they’ll do anything. Shitty horror movie, terrible sci-fi, roof your house, mow your lawn, virtually anything. I’m going to continue to check UHM for what is going to be coming out, but I think I’ll do a little more research as far as the quality of these films go.
Wolfman Moon Scale