Make no mistake, ladies and gentlemen, that I am by no means compiling a list of the best AND worst movies of 2011. Rather, this is probably the most half-assed, thrown together list of movies that kind of came out in 2011 you might see anywhere on the internet. I started trying to think of my top 5 horror movies to post at the end of the year, but couldn’t come up with any. I then decided to just do the top 3 horror movies, then remembered some good movies that weren’t horror, and thought of doing top 3 of each genre. I then looked up some of these movies on IMDb to realize that a lot of them technically came out at festivals or in limited release in 2010, and then all bets were off. Rather than try to compile all the films I wanted to make note of that had a wider release in 2011, I’m just make a shitload of lists, each list compiling of 1 movie and 1 movie only. Deal with it.

Best Movie where Ryan Gosling wears a Scorpion

Jacket

Drive

I’m willing to bet that the winner of this category will cause the most controversy, especially considering the competition. I think that 2011 will go down in history as the year of Ryan Gosling, between Drive, Ides of March, Crazy Sexy Love, and Blue Valentine, everyone wanted to fuck him. I remember the good old days of watching Lars and the Real Girl and Half Nelson and thinking this guy was pretty awesome, so I’m glad he got some great roles and put in some great performances. From the soundtrack to the cinematography to the ensemble cast, this will probably be considered my favorite movie of the year.

Best Movie featuring a 30 Rock Cast Member in their Underwear

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (and that’s Katrina Bowden)

As far as the expectations to entertainment ratio, this is another winner. I knew nothing about it, other than it had a funny name, and I hadn’t even seen a trailer when I watched this movie. Maybe I’m idealizing the movie a little bit, considering everyone I have recommended this movie to has given it a resounding “meh”, I was thoroughly entertained by the melding of genres. Sure, it wasn’t actually scary at any moment, but the way it took advantage of typical horror movie segments and made fun of them was pretty funny to me. I was also glad to have a horror/comedy that wasn’t Scary Movie 11.

Best Love Story

Monsters

Maybe it’s a stretch to call this movie a love story, especially because the female was kind of sort of developing feelings for a guy who wasn’t her husband, but I couldn’t think of a funnier title. Although it’s called Monsters, we barely see the titular creatures and instead focused on two relative strangers trying to make their way from Point A to Point B without being killed by aliens. Even though the two characters develop a relationship and make their way to the destination, through a nice twist in editing, we learn that they are both killed shortly after their arrival. Talk about ’til death do us part, am I right?! Whoops, spoiler alert, yeah they died.

Best Film featuring an Actor from Blade Runner

Hobo with a Shotgun

Finally someone has come to put Edward James Olmos in his place! This throwback to grindhouse splatter films with absurd plots managed to be original while also convincingly reminding you of an overlooked genre of film. I guess that depends on what you mean by “overlooked”, considering there really aren’t too many grindhouse films that I would consider “classics”, but certainly have a cult following. The opening credit sequence alone is enough to convince you the dedication the filmmakers had in recreating a specific style, no matter how drawn out and boring that opening credit sequence was.

Best Comic Book Movie

Captain America: The First Avenger

This wasn’t really too hard of a decision, considering there were four comic book movies that came out this year. Thor felt like the only reason it existed was to establish a two characters that were meant to play larger parts in the Avengers movie in 2012. Green Lantern attempted to cash in on one of its most popular characters, who also happens to be one of the ones who exists in a much larger scope than a lot of other DC or Marvel titles. Captain America was the only one I saw where I felt I could keep watching for a few more hours. All of his missions of Nazi ass-beatings were fun, because who doesn’t love seeing Nazis get their asses kicked? Sure, X-Men: First Class showed us what a young and pissed off  Magneto was capable of, and it was fun to see the X-Men in a completely different generation and all, but wasn’t as enjoyable a package (hehe, package) as Captain America was. I also think Chris Evans solidified himself as capable of playing every superhero, no matter who the publishing company is.

Best Movie about Hunting Trolls

Trollhunter

It’s been a hard few years for trolls, with the success of Troll 2 being a laughing-stock and the documentary about it, Best Worst Movie, showcasing its terrible-ness. How do you make trolls fun again? Let Norwegians make a movie about them! Clearly approaching this sci-fi/fantasy film with their tongues in their cheeks, the audience learned that not only are trolls real, but there is a government funded agency who are in charge of dispatching said trolls and blaming their havoc on bear attacks. This movie was a lot of fun, especially to see all the funny symbols people slip into their Norwegian names.

Best Metallica-related Anything

Hesher

Surprising to nobody, Metallica themselves are not responsible for producing anything entertaining. However, seeing Joseph Gordon Levitt as a nihilist metal enthusiast created feelings similar to those we have for Metallica; even though you resemble something we should relate to and enjoy, we hate you for everything you are. Jordo Gordo Levitt, as I call him, played the titular character “Hesher” in this film about losing what’s most important to you and having nothing to show for it. Whether it was your mother, wife, grandmother, or ideal woman, nothing in this movie was safe from destruction. Despite being included as one of my favorite movies of the year, this isn’t a movie I can ever see myself sitting down to watch again (or standing up to watch again, for that matter). With promotional materials implying Hesher could be something of a life coach to a young boy, he was nothing but a piece of shit, but a piece of shit that reminded us that no matter how bad life was, at least we’re still alive. Oh yeah, and the trailer for this movie was pretty awesome too.

Best Movie featuring Dwight Schrute crushing Skulls with a Monkey Wrench

Super

One of the most frustrating terms to hear, as a fan of both comedic films and films with dark subject matter, is the term “dark comedy”. To me, that’s typically an excuse people label their movie with when it’s not actually funny. “You didn’t laugh at my movie? Well, it’s a dark comedy, so you probably didn’t get it.” Then comes along a movie like Super, which has depressingly crushing emotional moments, as well as hilarious comedic moments. In fact, some of these moments happen within the same scene, and you are laughing your balls off until you realize how sad and pathetic some of these character’s lives are. It was also nice to see Rainn Wilson as the leading man in a somewhat toned down version of his oddball sidekick schtick and prove that he’s capable of range in his characters and emotions. Ellen Page is also weirdly attractive in this movie, but I’m too afraid to think too much about her appeal right now.

Best “Wait, what movie are you talking about?” Movie

Paul

Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, voice of Seth Rogen, Bill Hader, Jeffrey Tambor, Jane Lynch, Jason Bateman, Joe Lo Truglio, Sigourney Weaver, and Kristen Wiig all starred in a movie that was directed by Greg Mottola, who also brought us Superbad. HOW THE FUCK DID THIS MOVIE NOT RECEIVE MORE PRAISE?! It was made by nerds, for nerds, starring nerds, whose characters were nerds, making nerd references while at the biggest nerd convention in the country. It was clever, wacky, and made just enough subtle references to movies we all know and love without having to spoon feed them to you. I don’t know if it was poor timing as far as when it was released, which wouldn’t surprise me because I think I forgot about this movie a few times when thinking about my favorites of this year. This wasn’t some poseur Big Bang Theory nerd shit either, it was awesome. Go rent it now if you haven’t seen it, and go watch it again if you already have.

Best Movie to feature a Merkin (wig for your pubes)

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Maybe I’m stretching a bit for making this a specific category, but because I didn’t include a review and only mentioned it in the SEND MORE COPS podcast, I didn’t want it to feel left out. The story of the pubes wig is that the character of Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara) was written to be a girl with strawberry blonde hair who has dyed it black. If something seems odd about Lisbeth’s eyebrows, it’s because they are blonde and not black. This means that in a love scene between Lisbeth and Daniel Craig‘s character where we see her, to use the grossest term ever, “pubic mound”, David Fincher wanted to make sure everyone knew the carpet matched the…eyebrows? Talk about detail! I’m assuming Rooney Mara brought this up in multiple interviews just so that she could, with subtlety of course, let America know she shaves her pubes. Otherwise she just could have bleached them, right? Is that how pubes work? I wouldn’t know, I haven’t gotten any yet.

This brings another year to an end here at The Wolfman Cometh. Before I let you guys go, I figured I’d post some stats for the year. Not specifically for this year, because that would take too much work, but some totals for the end of the year. Shut up.

ALL-TIME VIEWS: 246,112

BUSIEST DAY: 10/31/11 (2,401 views)

Top 5 Most Visited Posts

5) Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead – 4,689 views

4) A Nightmare on Elm Street – 4,904 views

3) Ultimate Hulk vs. Wolverine – 5,513 views

2) The Human Centipede (First Sequence) – 5,822 views

1) Insidious – 5,849 views

Top 5 Search Terms

5) Katrina Bowden – 1,354

4) Johnny Depp Nightmare on Elm St – 1,399

3) Wrong Turn 3 – 1,511

2) Michael Myers – 2,308

1) Wrong Turn – 2,850

Top 5 Viewed Images

5) “ultimate wolverine vs hulk ripping in two half”

4) “Wrong Turn 3 III Left for Dead Louise Cliffe bikini boobs”

3) “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World Michael Cera Mary Elizabeth Winstead“

2) “Wormwood Gentleman Corpse Issue 0 Ben Templesmith“

1) “Stan Helsing Diora Baird Kenan Thompson Good Burger”

There’s other shit that I saw this year that I’m failing to remember, so you’re stuck with this list. I’d also like to point out that Hugo was pretty awesome, and one of the few movies I’ve seen where the 3D actually added to the film, rather than distract you from it. There’s  also a bunch of movies that came out this year that I’ve heard were good, but never got around too. I’m sure I’ll get to it eventually, but I remind you, I already said this list was going to be shitty, so stop complaining. Next year is going to be pretty huge as far as movies are concerned, between The Dark Knight Rises, Avengers, that Hobbit movie, and Prometheus, I see some awesome things to look forward to. I hope you enjoyed the rantings and ravings of mine in 2011, and look forward to you coming back in 2012. Don’t forget to go download and subscribe to SEND MORE COPS for even more Wolfman anger! Rot in Hell, everyone! Hail Satan!