Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk [REVIEW]

I remember reading the first issue of this series back in December of 2005. I mean honestly, Hulk vs. Wolverine? Fuck yes! Then I had to wait two months to read the next one. Even after two issues, there was talk of fighting, but no actual fighting, but it was promised to happen in the third issue. And then the third issue was released…THREE GODDAMN YEARS LATER. I have heard of delays in comic books, but three years? Seriously? It was actually my favorite joke at the comic book store. I tried to reference it as often as possible by saying “Oh hey guys, I can’t believe they finally released number three!” or “I saw that it’s being released next week, can I put a copy on reserve?”. When it finally got released, I almost didn’t believe it, and figured it was a joke. And after all of this disappointment, was it even worth it?

I knew you were going to look for this image, so I figured I would put this right here to save everyone some time.

The first issue starts with Wolverine slow regaining consciousness, only to realize his legs are no longer attached. Luckily, we got a nice two page splash image of Hulk ripping Wolverine in two, then throwing Wolverine’s legs four miles UP a mountain. How awesome is that? The first two issues let us know that Nick Fury has sent Wolverine to Tibet to kill the Hulk because he is just a huge asshole. Then once they start their fight, She-Hulk also shows up to try to destroy everything, and Nick Fury then drops a bomb on all three of them. From there, Wolverine is just a severed head trying to regrow the rest of his body. After getting in touch with the mutant Forge, who has the ability to create practically any device he can think of, Wolverine gets two collars that, once attached to a subject, would require something like one billion million kajillion tons of force to open. The plan? Wolverine will put these on Hulk and She-Hulk, while still in human form, knowing that if they Hulk out, they will strangle themselves and die.

Muscles, veins, green boobs! What more could a guy ask for?!

One thing that I had completely forgotten was the fact that in these comic book face-offs, nobody actually wins or loses. Generally, it just ends up at a stalemate, everyone hugs, then fights a bad guy. This was still fun to read, and I recommend checking it out just for a fun action comic, but it also ends up in a stalemate. The problem with this specific title ending this way is that the writer Damon Lindelof, claimed one of them would die. I guess Wolverine kind of died, because his head came off, but still, he came back to life, which is cheating. Since this was the Ultimate universe, I did like the explanation of who She-Hulk was, and why she existed, but I don’t want to ruin it for you.

The real fight everyone wanted to see. WOLVERINE FIGHTING A FUCKING PANDA.

I guess looking back on all the delays and false promises, I can understand it. In case Damon Lindelof sounded familiar, that’s because he’s one of the co-creators of LOST, so obviously he had more important things to take care of. I mean, without him, we wouldn’t have gotten to see Matthew Fox shirtless nearly as many times as we have. It also makes sense that Lindelof claimed “somebody will die”, probably forgot he made that claim, and had Wolverine half-assedly die. Kind of reminds you of “Holy shit, there’s polar bears on the island?!” and then two seasons later say, “Oh so there was a zoo on the island? Whatever.” Also, the artist, Leinil Francis Yu, was the artist for the big crossover event in 2008, Secret Invasion. Most likely any attempt to contact him to finally do the art for Wolverine vs. Hulk was met with a “Yeah sure, I bet it really will come out this time.”

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