WAIT……WHAT? What the fuck is the name of this movie? Initiation: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4? WHAT IS HAPPENING. They put the word that goes at the end at the beginning. I’m so fucking confused already. That’s not saying much because I’m a goddamned moron, but still, I’m a little thrown off. Also, the last movie had a title that was related to Christmas, but do initiations have anything to do with Christmas? DO THEY?! I’m such a bad Christian. I didn’t know anything about this movie, other than being in the SNDN franchise, so I was excited to see Brian Yuzna’s name pop up during the credits. Even though this one ended up being better than the previous movie in the franchise, that’s not really saying much. Although I do love me some witches.

Finally warning us of the dangers of clasping our hands together.

A woman, who is on fire, falls off of the roof of a building and is then poked by Clint Howard. He might be playing a character, but he might have just wandered onto the set. An investigative reporter, Kim (Neith Hunter), hopes that by investigating the apparent spontaneous combustion that she can make a name for herself at the newspaper. While investigating the death, Kim befriends a creepy-ass librarian lady who gives her books about witches and shit. Kim starts hanging out with this librarian and, big surprise, it’s because the librarian is a witch and wants to use Kim as a conduit for some sort of spirit goddess to come into her. Guys, it has nothing to do with Santa. There are a lot of bugs and cockroaches and weird insect larvae going in and out of things, but no Santa. It turns out that the first flaming victim was the librarian’s daughter who fucked up the ritual and that was why she caught on fire. Right before the witches can sacrifice Kim, Kim defends herself and transfers the curse to the librarian who catches on fire instead. Still no Santa.

I don’t really remember why Clint Howard raped a girl with this dick nose mask but now I kind of want to watch this movie again.

OH OKAY. THAT MADE SENSE. Something I didn’t know about this movie was that it has NOTHING to do with the previous three movies. In fact, this movie takes place in a completely separate UNIVERSE from the previous film, as there’s a point where a character puts Silent Night, Bloody Night III: Better Watch Out! on the TV. THAT’S RIGHT, THIS SHIT IS META. I’m sure you all know by now that I love Halloween II: Season of the Witch, despite it having NOTHING to do with the previous two Halloween movies. One big difference is that this movie waited until the fourth installment as opposed to the third, so it felt that much stranger to abandon the original concept. Granted, the witches were trying to perform the ritual on Christmas, but that’s really the only connection. Another difference is that Halloween II is fucking awesome and this…well, it just isn’t that good. Seriously, what was up with all the bugs? Since when do goddesses travel in bug form!? I don’t know guys, I can see that maybe this movie could have a following but I was kind of bored and confused throughout most of it and just kind of lost interest. But hey, there are still witches in it!

Wolfman Moon Scale