Remember how the last film involved the character of Tommy putting on a Jason mask and wielding a knife at his friend? Well, apparently that shit wasn’t important, because Tommy is on his way to the cemetery where Jason Voorhees is buried. And who does he bring with him? Well, none other than motherfucking Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter. Don’t worry, he’s not alive for long. Tommy digs up Jason and takes a huge metal fence post and stabs it into Jason’s heart, only to have lightning strike the fence post, which obviously brings Jason back to life. He kills Horshack, and then Tommy makes a run for it. He runs to the town of Forest Green, which has been renamed from Crystal Lake to try to rid the world of Jason’s memory. Tommy warns the sheriff, but the sheriff thinks Tommy is a dick and throws him in jail. Jason gets back to Camp Crystal Lake and is killing everything, while the sheriff’s daughter helps Tommy escape jail and return to Camp Crystal Lake. Tommy draws Jason into the water and throws a chain around his neck, which is attached to a boulder, dragging Jason down to the bottom of the lake, rendering him useless.

Jason’s got a fence post and he is ready to FUCK…SHIT…UP.

What the fuck was that shit at the end of the movie before this?! It’s like the ending of the first A Nightmare on Elm Street, where they throw some bullshit in there for a cheap scare, and never acknowledge it again ever for any reason. At least this movie kind of gave you an idea of how Jason can survive through so many movies, because he’s some sort of zombie monster. Up until now, we really had no idea what the fuck was going on, or how any of this was possible, and at least now we can blame it on the lightning. Not that being struck by lightning is a justifiable reason for the course of events, but it’s similar enough to the birth of Frankenstein’s monster to give us some idea. Don’t get me wrong, this movie sucks dicks, but at least it gives us some frame of reference for the shitty movies to follow. Did I mention that this movie was shitty? Because it was.

Wolfman Moon Scale