I remember first seeing the previews for this movie and thinking “Oh man, that’s so dumb to call it Jason X, there aren’t even ten movies!”. Little did I know, there actually were that many. And I know what you’re thinking, and it’s about the fact that at the end of the previous movie we saw Freddy Krueger‘s glove pull Jason’s mask down into Hell, so how can this movie exist? Well, the reason for the glove grabbing the mask was mostly just as a joke, considering the idea of a Freddy vs. Jason movie was something of an urban legend that the script was being written. Well, that’s why Jason X takes place in the FUTURE! That’s right, 450 years into the future! And there are spaceships even! It’s everything you wanted from a Friday the 13th film, and more!

Is it cold in here, or is it just YOU! OH SHIIIIIIIT!

Somehow Jason was brought to life, but frozen for shipment, but the lady in charge of the freezing accidentally freezes herself in the process. She is thawed out in the future, and before she can warn them not to, Jason gets thawed out, and guess what he does? Starts killing everything! Of course! The only problem is that now they’re in space, so, okay maybe that’s not really a big problem. People are having a hard time killing Jason, but eventually an android blows the fuck out of him. But there’s a problem…he falls onto some medical table involving nanobots or some shit that can repair damaged tissue! So Jason gets repaired with metal pieces, and for some reason he has a new space age mask reconstructed as well? The crew is able to call for a rescue shuttle, and as that shuttle is leaving the main ship that’s blowing up, along with Jason, they see him being propelled back to the new Earth that everyone lives on. We see a couple looking out at a lake as they say something like, “Oh hey it’s a meteor, let’s check it out”, and then we see the new Jason mask sinking to the bottom of the lake. AND IT ALL STARTS OVER AGAIN!

The poster was right! Evil DID get an upgrade! And WHAT an upgrade! He’s like Super Shredder!

Sounds absolutely ridiculous, doesn’t it? Well, it is, but that’s part of its charm. Obviously the concept of this movie is insane, but it shows that the people who made it had kind of given up on the concept of Jason Voorhees and just gave him a wacky adventure. This film also had one of the best deaths in the history of the franchise, when Jason shoved a woman’s face in liquid nitrogen to freeze it, then smashed it to bits. This whole movie was much more gruesome than the other installments in the series, so that’s another reason why it was so entertaining. Another funny reference that was made was when the rescue shuttle mentioned how far away they were, they said how many parsecs away they were, ya know, like in Star Wars! Although they did use the unit of measurement incorrectly by implying that a parsec was a unit of distance, when it’s actually a unit of time, but hey, at least they tried. There was also a pretty funny scene that acknowledged the ridiculousness of the whole franchise, when they use a virtual reality simulation of Camp Crystal Lake circa 1980 in hopes of slowing him down. Two teens ask Jason if they want to drink beers, smoke pot, and have premarital sex, because they “love premarital sex”. Jason decides to put them in their sleeping bags and smash them against one another, as well as a tree. One of the few moments in the whole franchise that actually causes people to chuckle intentionally. Since this is the last film in the Friday the 13th franchise, I figure I should throw in some sort of rundown. Of the 12 films, I’d say 1-4 are pretty fun, Jason X is worth a watch once, Freddy vs. Jason is a lot of fun, and the 2009 remake isn’t that bad. Movies 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 can fuck right off, and nobody should ever watch them.

Wolfman Moon Scale