Paranormal Entity (2009) [REVIEW]

 

You are going to have to believe me when I say I didn’t know this movie was released by The Asylum. If you aren’t familiar with this production company, you might be familiar with some of their titles, which include Snakes On A Train, Transmorphers, and The Terminators. That’s right, they get people to rent their movies by naming their movies after blockbusters that either came out recently or are about to come out. It’s a great strategy to get idiots to watch your movie. I can just see a 12 year old asking their mom to go to Blockbuster and telling her to get Transformers and once she sees “Transmorphers”, she says FUCK IT to herself, because she’s probably dead inside already. This isn’t to say all of their films are just riding the wave of the popularity of other films, they also release original films. Maybe you have heard of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, or maybe even Mega Piranha. Both of these films star a former teeny bopping singer and a middle-aged former TV actor. The perfect equation! Don’t get too excited though, Paranormal Entity isn’t one of their original creations.

 

Look at the height of emotion being conveyed. Or would it be depth of emotion? Whatever, I’m being sarcastic.

Don’t get déjà vu while reading this review thinking you are reading a review for Paranormal Activity, or at least try not to. This film opens with a title card describing the murder/rape/suicide of one family, and we are apparently about to watch the footage of weird events in their home. We are then introduced to the Finleys, Ellen, Samantha, and Thomas, who are mother, daughter, and son. The majority of activity is focused on Ellen and Samantha, and after seeing Samantha, you can see why. I think before you even see her face you see her giant gazongas, which gives you the idea that at some point she might not be fully clothed. I actually wonder if they purposely hired an actress with massive mammaries on purpose. I remember watching Paranormal Activity with Rampaige and she kept pointing out the main actress looked as though her jugs might explode out of her shirt. Either way, you get the feeling that Thomas is kind of a pervert with his sister.

 

“What do you mean, taking you clothes off doesn’t seem natural? First, you go to bed. Then, you get warm so you take off your clothes. Then, the ghost takes the blankets off. Then, you show me your boobs, errr, show the GHOST your boobs.”

It should come as no surprise that spooky things start happening. We also learn that their father recently passed away, and there is brief talk about whether the spooky things are a result of the fathers spirit. Ellen disagrees and says that all of the events are quite negative and there is no way her husband is responsible. It starts with things like a cross falling off a wall,  a TV turning on and off, and the answering machine recording weird noises. It escalates to the point of banging on doors, disembodied voices, and even footprints on the ceiling made of ash. Ellen and Samantha decide to leave, and Thomas tries to booby trap the house using fishing line and little bells. This scene was actually kind of creepy and effective in giving you the spooks. Ellen and Samantha come back to the house, claiming they were being haunted at the motel, and things only get worse. We start seeing Samantha in her underwear, then we see her yelling and naked in the bathtub, only to be saved by her brother (ew). Ellen eventually slits her wrists in a suicide attempt, and while hospitalized, Thomas finds Samantha being raped by invisibility, so yes we see her boobs again, then she dies for some reason.

 

Contrary to popular belief, everyone looks better from this angle.

I’m not sure if you have seen any other Asylum films, because I am willing to bet this one is better than all the others. To be fair, I think the only other one I have seen was Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, but still, this was better than that one was. Did Asylum release Raptor Island? I saw that movie, which still sucked, but I guess that’s not too important. Considering how low the production value was for Paranormal Activity, I wouldn’t be surprised if this movie had a comparable budget. And since the acting in Paranormal Activity wasn’t necessarily the best, I think the acting in Paranormal Entity was about on par. The biggest difference in the two films was their subtlety, therefore the difference was the effectiveness of the scares. With Paranormal Activity, the buildup was slower, and the biggest thing that happened was the girl getting dragged out of bed. Paranormal Entity, I think in order to hook it’s viewer, started showing things falling down and turning on a lot earlier. Paranormal Activity‘s scares started at about a 2 or 3 on the spook factor, and led to a 10 in the last five minutes. Paranormal Entity started out with a 3 or 4, which is why by the end of the movie they had to go above and beyond by showing Samantha being raped by an invisible ghost. Both as a movie on its own and as a just a reproduction of Paranormal Activity, this movie isn’t really all that bad. Plus there are boobs in it.

 

Wolfman Moon Scale



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5 responses to “Paranormal Entity (2009) [REVIEW]

  1. I just watched this this past weekend and you forgot to mention one thing, all this stuff happens over a few weeks and it’s not until they start rolling the cameras that they decide they might want to maybe, you know, move somewhere else. A month? If this happens to me once I’m burning the house and everything in it and hopping on a ship to China. How did they wait it out for at least 4 weeks and probably more like a couple months?

    Also, they never fully explained it, but I’m pretty sure the sister inherited the boobs from the dead dad and that’s why he kept springing them free. BUt we’ll save that for the sequel.

    • Why’s it gotta be China? Don’t you think they have ghosts in China? Look at all those people that built the Great Wall! Also, I saw that movie with the talking donkey the other day. Man, Sarah Jessica Parker is up to her old tricks!

      That last part about the movie was a lie, but I thought the talking donkey thing was funny.

  2. Pingback: Hold Your Breath (2012) [REVIEW] | The Wolfman Cometh·

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