Before even getting this one started, I was really dreading it. Any time this franchise came up in conversation, everybody would make reference to this film and how ridiculous it was when Jason was in an actual city, as opposed to picking off people in the secluded wilderness one by one. I didn’t realize until I started watching this that I own a copy of this movie on VHS that I bought quite some time ago. For some reason, I thought I had heard that one of the movies in this franchise was a musical, so I bought it under that presumption. I watched it back then, and it sucked, and, well, spoiler alert….it still sucks.

Mohawks + bandanas + leather + chains = OBVIOUSLY SOME BAD DUDES

We see some stupid fucking houseboat thing on Crystal Lake as two teens inside are boning each other, and then start telling the tale of Jason Voorhees. The anchor of the boat catches something electric and Jason is zapped back to life, and obviously kills those douchebags. There is a school of about to be high school graduates going on some cruise thing to New York, and Jason finds his way onto it. There’s some killing on the boat, until the boat starts sinking? Maybe? Something? Either way, a couple of kids got on a smaller boat and make their way to Manhattan, and of course, so does Jason. They are running, he is chasing, and killing people along the way. They end up leading Jason into the sewer system where he gets killed and melted and dissolved by toxic sewage waste. That place is a dump!

Punch him in the dick! PUNCH HIM IN THE FUCKING DICK!

This film isn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting. Don’t get me wrong, it’s awful, even terrible, but it’s really not that much worse than part 7…or part 6…or part 5. Really, they are all shitty. This one kind of felt like The Lost World, in the sense that most of that movie was dinosaurs running around, which might have been redundant, but as soon as the Tyrannosaurus rex made his way to the mainland, it was fun to see him destroying things. You had seen things being destroyed before, but the city environment made you wake up a little bit as you dozed off out of boredom. Well, with Jason, at least, since anyone who falls asleep during any Jurassic Park film is an idiot. Seeing a guy try to box Jason on a rooftop was pretty funny, because he obviously didn’t do well punching Jason, so Jason punched his head right off of his body. And why the fuck is there so much toxic slime running rampant in the city? It seemed like any situation where they needed to break the tension, they just filled a barrel with toxic sludge and killed someone or dumped it everywhere. Was there that much back then? Can any of my older readers confirm this? Do any of you older people know how to leave comments? This one might not be the worst in the franchise, but only because it’s got some stiff competition.

Wolfman Moon Scale